6 Little Things (rant) (...kinda)

This isn't really a full fledged rant, but I might as well have the per-usual disclaimer.

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Sometimes it's just the little things that piss me off. Here are six fabulously fucking worthless things that fit the bill. These things are so awful and shitty that they don't deserve a full rant of their own. So without further adieu, here are six things that piss me off.


1. Car Alarms: Seriously, why the fuck do these still exist? They don't do anything! I understand that the original idea was for security type stuff. If someone is trying to break into your car, or something of the like, it will begin to make noise and draw the attention of everyone nearby. And with the panic button on your little remote, you can set if off if you're getting mugged or something. Ironically, absolutely no one gives a rats ass when a car alarm goes off. This is because they go off ALL THE FUCKING TIME!!! Part of the problem is that some of those damn things are so overly sensitive its not even funny. Honestly, do you really take much notice when a blue Ford Explorer in the Wal-Mart parking lot is going total ape-shit because the breeze changed directions? Car alarms have loooooooooong outlived their usefulness. Why do they even bother?

2. Grizzly Man: ...is a synonym for "a steaming pile of crap." It's not that the guy was a weirdo...or blatantly gay as a salty sailor. It's just that it was a really bad documentary. I had to turn it off after about 15 minutes. I nearly fell out of my chair laughing when I first heard the narrator. What is it with nature documentaries and narrators with foreign accents? It's more common than a vagina at a lesbian bar. Early in the film, they were interviewing the prop pilot that frequently flew Treadwell in and out of his seasonal frolics. Like any documentary, when they first show someone, they give their name and a little sub-caption describing their profession in relevance to the topic of the film. So this guy starts talking about flying...they show his name "Willy Fulton"...seems normal enough...then they show the sub-caption "Rodeo Rider." Okay, I'm no expert, but what the hell does riding in a rodeo have to do with flying an ambiguously gay naturalist into the wild? Wouldn't "Pilot" or "Friend" be somewhat more relevant? Hell, putting "Archduke of Candyland" or "Vietnamese Prostitute" would have been more relevant! Screw this crap.

3. Neo-Hippies: Toolbags! Every single one of them. They have much in common with emos. This is because the "culture" has absolutely NO original or unique things about it. Insted, they just borrow all their crap from others. Now, I don't like hippies to begin with, but the pseudo-hippies are x10,000,000 worse. There is no "new cause." Quit acting like there is! They are just severely misguided youths with a head-case looking for a group of peers. You want to fix the world? FUCKING DO SOMETHING!!!! Getting high, warning retarded cloths, avoiding bathing, and listening to String Cheese Incident all day does not qualify as being an activist or a rebel. You people suck! Save the trees? Eat more meat! Free Tibet? GO TO CHINA AND PREACH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE HERE GOING TO CHANGE?!?!?! A hunger strike does not beat a million rounds of artillery brought to you by the Chinese government. I love people that try to be nostalgic...with an era that happened long before they were born. I think we should make pot legal....but being a hippie or a pothead illegal. 40 years in solitary confinement if you are blond and have dreads. Get a clue. Get a life. No one give a shit about you or your non-existent cause.

4. Communists: These people keep on proving that stupidity has no limits. Whats wrong with communism? Well...apart from the fact that it doesn't work on a political, social, psychological, or economic level; or that it stunts human progression and quality of life; or that it's easier to exploit than flipping a light switch; or that it always ends in a totalitarian oligarchy or dictatorship...other than that, communism is awesome! People are not productive or motivated when everything is communally owned. People generally do things that immediately better themselves...not out of the warm fuzzy bunny wuving goodness of their hearts. It's naive as hell. History has proven this millions of times. These people always argue "well, it hasn't worked before because no one has achieved a true communist system." No shit? Maybe its because a the "true" system is IMPOSSIBLE!!! Then you have people on the other end of the spectrum, "look at China, they have found a blend of communism that works." China is now about as communist as Gandhi was a NFL All-Pro running back. Just look at the damn country! All they did was combine the perks of being capitalist and tyrannical all in one great big happy package. Why did they move to a free market? Because they realized that they accomplished fuck-all with a planed communist economy. Communists suck, it's a fact of life. You don't want to suck do you?

5. MTV: Teenagers are the puppets, Music Television is the puppeteer. It's a vast 24 hour orgy of marketing. All they have is Real World type crap all the time. Where the hell is the fucking music? I thought that was reason for the efuckingnormous "M" in the logo. I guess not. So in the mid-90's, they made MTV2 so that they could bump the music to that channel instead. It's now 2006. They've made another channel to bump the music too. This time, however, it's only available for exclusive digital cable (boo and hiss COMCAST), and satellite providers. Well, I guess they still have some music on MTV2...if you count playing the same 50 Cent, Green Day, and Usher songs over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...

6. Rice-Burners: You know, those fucking neon-blue Mitsubishis that have tinted windows, fat rims, and a crappy muffler. I really sincerely HATE those cars and the people that drive them. Okay, so you buy a car that costs about $25k. You then drop in a new engine, gearbox, NOS, wheels, lights, window tints, color LCD screens, 3 retardillion pound subs, decals, chasse, seats, and carbon fiber body. Why do you need this shit? Furthermore, how much does all that shit cost? Why didn't you just buy a better car to begin with? Oh, I'm sorry, it's not cool for street racing. REALITY CHECK...90% of the people that do this don't even fucking race. You just dropped a whole bunch of worthless shit into an already shitty car. Give yourself a pat on the back.


If you wanted more...sorry to disappoint. My anger meuse is out on spring break. If you are not satisfied, don't hesitate to make a submission to my complaint box...that is, if I had a complaint box.

Quinny out.