About a year ago I was chillin in O’shucks having some adult beverages. My girlfriends had all gone back to our condo (we were renting at red pines) to hit the pool but I was enjoying the night so I stayed. Some dude came and put his hands around my hips and whispered in my ears “hey honey have you ever heard of Newschoolers”. I was like wtf and pushed his arms off of me and stood up. When I stood up and turned around I was facing the closest thing to a troll I had ever seen. He asked me my name and if I wanted a drink. I told him to fuck off but he insisted. Ended up talking to him for a good bit and he bought me dinner. Said he was a big deal on some skier website called Newschoolers. Anyways when last call came I didn’t have a ride home. Realizing this he immediately jumped at the opportunity. I figured what’s the worst that could happen.
20 minutes later I was covered in sweat, Cheeto dust, and oddly colored semen in the back of a beige Subaru Outback. I figured the sex would hide the smell of ass and mold but his small cock only made it worse. He used his t shirt to towel me off and then we awkwardly got dressed in the dark. He didn’t even walk me up to my condo he left me in the parking lot. The next morning on my way out the door there was a note that said: HMU shawty XOXO -Evan Heath. It was left with a phone number I never bothered to text. Anyways I just remembered the Newschoolers thing and thought I’d look it up. Does anyone know Evan Heath on here?
