I parked my 18 wheeler perpendicularly across 10 parking spots at my son’s curling tournament. This nosey bitch had the audacity to tell me that “I was taking up too much room and needed to move my vehicle.” This made me angry, and so using the reconnaissance that I was taught in the military, I quickly identified a child who resembled this lady, and I beat the shit out of him. I seriously pummeled that motherfucker. I knew that he was dead at this point, and so I decided to kill two birds with one stone, and hurled his lifeless 80 pound body right at the woman’s face. The body hit the lady with such force that it decapitated her. I picked up her head and brought it home with me, where I then shrunk it. It is now a hood ornament for my truck. Moral of the story: mind your goddamn beeswax.