Getting older; people die too often

For sure man. It's a bummer. I feel for some of my friends that have really seen far too many of their close friends go out early.

It's one of those, things. You never really know. It sucks but it's that one thing that's guaranteed to happen to us at some point, even if we want to pretend it won't.

I agree as far as making the most out of each day, spending time with friends, and letting the people you care about know that.

Man I agree. It's amazing how things can build on each other like that.

My grandfather died from a stroke while he was sitting in his rocking chair. 2 months later my grandmother visited his grave with my parents and I. The next day she died from a stroke in the rocking chair next to the one in which my grandfather died. It's a pretty surreal story but everything happens for a reason.

My little brother was killed a little over two months ago in a horrific accident so I know what you mean. I haven't said a word about it on here but sometimes we do need to vent just to get it all out and see how we feel afterwards. Whether it's here or candidly with friends and family is up to the individual but having someone to talk to is important. Hell just saying that you aren't ok out loud is what you need to do even if it passes.

I've found solace in just being 100% committed to accomplishing what we were planning to do and turning his memory into a positive motivator.

It's hard though, because those tsunamis of emotion come out of nowhere sometimes and man do they hit like a ton of bricks. It can be paralyzing sometimes.

Best of luck to you OP and hang in there.

Yeah, you never really know when your time will come. No joke we just had a close family friend die a couple days ago while attending his brothers funeral(55 years old). Sad but really shows how unpredictable life can be. Best to come to terms with the fact that nothing in life is written in stone.

Amen!

DrailI think the important thing I'm feeling right now is to live your life in a way that would make them go "fuck yeah".

Vibes.

Ive had enough close fam die that im numb to it now.

The only thing certain in life is death. Share love, live with passion, be kind, and don't forget to be selfless. There are way to many selfish assholes in the world. I don't mean sacrifice your life for others but lend a hand every now and then. Buy your buddies a round, buy your sister a dinner, buy a stranger a coffee, give a nice tip to a nice person, show a newcomer around town, hold the god damn door open!

I'm sorry for your loss, man.


I am 24 years old, and I still havent had many experiences with death. I am so grateful for that, but at the same time I keep thinking that it will happen any day, and that I will have absolutely no idea how to handle it. A friend of mine comitted suicided 5 years ago, and I still feel that I havent even processed it yet. Maybe I never will, properly anyway. Maybe its impossible to fully do it. Death is too abstract of a concept for me to think about, eventhough it is indeed inevitable.

Two days ago I found out that a good friend of mine and two other mutual friends died in a car crash and two other of my good friends are in hospitital. It's so fucking crazy just in a split second they can pass away. Whole newsfeed has blown up with their passing and the whole Northern Beaches is so shaken.

Jane6I'm sorry for your loss, man.


I am 24 years old, and I still havent had many experiences with death. I am so grateful for that, but at the same time I keep thinking that it will happen any day, and that I will have absolutely no idea how to handle it. A friend of mine comitted suicided 5 years ago, and I still feel that I havent even processed it yet. Maybe I never will, properly anyway. Maybe its impossible to fully do it. Death is too abstract of a concept for me to think about, eventhough it is indeed inevitable.

I still feel like it isn't real sometimes. I had 9 people I went to school with die in drunk driving accidents and I thought I had a handle on the concept, but with my brother I'm still just kind of in shock. Maybe it was because we worked together every day or because he was burned so badly or that he made it a few days but it's been a roller coaster ride like I could have never imagined. Sometimes I'll just be on the verge of tears for the whole day. Dealing with it is just a term we use, but when it hits someone you care about like that, there is no standard or timeline. If I didn't have Ash & the kids to come home to and give my daily life purpose I would be an absolute and complete wreck.

I really hope the people that are dealing with loss in this thread have a good support system. If not please feel free to PM me just to vent. I'll listen, I promise.

I know, it's crazy.

I just turned 21 this last week and another one of my childhood friends died yesterday. He's the 4th kid from my graduating class to die.
2 in car crashes, 1 from an asthma attack and he died at a barbecue when a friend accidentally shot him in the head.

Huck_NorrisI still feel like it isn't real sometimes. I had 9 people I went to school with die in drunk driving accidents and I thought I had a handle on the concept, but with my brother I'm still just kind of in shock. Maybe it was because we worked together every day or because he was burned so badly or that he made it a few days but it's been a roller coaster ride like I could have never imagined. Sometimes I'll just be on the verge of tears for the whole day. Dealing with it is just a term we use, but when it hits someone you care about like that, there is no standard or timeline. If I didn't have Ash & the kids to come home to and give my daily life purpose I would be an absolute and complete wreck.

I really hope the people that are dealing with loss in this thread have a good support system. If not please feel free to PM me just to vent. I'll listen, I promise.

The feels Bro, I hear ya. I lost both my older brothers before they turned thirty, one in a horrific car accident also. Some days are gravy and some days it just hits me whenever and wherever it chooses. Certain songs or certain places set it off too. I definitely see it as a lifelong battle and I don't believe I'll ever get over it, I mean how could you. I'm coming up on 8 years and 15 years since they've passed and it's still a rollercoaster.

Deal with it best we can and focus on the positive we can give to others surely helps though. My mom has a support group she goes to of grieving parents, and I fully support her in that(I mean imagine losing two of your three sons?) but it's just not my gig. I realize the good it can bring but I just can't get past the mass grieving just feeling like a huge pity party.

Oddly enough the thing that brings me most peace is solitude and nature. People love skiing and fishing and stuff for the odd otherworldly feeling, some would say surreal or it feels like a dream. Alone on the lake or knee deep in a creek or silent in the deep snow on a mountain side, that can be appreciated by anyone of course, but it truly helps me to escape the loss of daily life and just takes me somewhere else even just for a short time. Then I remember how much I miss skiing with my brother and the shared smiles.

I guess all we can do is live the best we can and hope that those we've lost are looking down on us smiling and that's enough for now.

RimJobberI know, it's crazy.

I just turned 21 this last week and another one of my childhood friends died yesterday. He's the 4th kid from my graduating class to die.
2 in car crashes, 1 from an asthma attack and he died at a barbecue when a friend accidentally shot him in the head.

No offence at all. but how does one "accidentally" shoot someone in the head. You know what a gun can do and what its job is. I own plenty of guns. I'v never had one accidentally get up and shoot some one. Again no offence and that is tragic.

SVmikeNo offence at all. but how does one "accidentally" shoot someone in the head. You know what a gun can do and what its job is. I own plenty of guns. I'v never had one accidentally get up and shoot some one. Again no offence and that is tragic.

You're a fucking idiot

I never had anyone close to me growing up pass away so I never really understood the concept of death. I mean, I knew everyone died but I never really experienced anything close to it, so it never really made any sense to me.

In February, my best friend from when we were 8 committed suicide which was extremely shocking. She tried freshmen year but luckily was alright. We hadn't talked at all after though. She was angry at me for calling 911 and blamed me for it.
Then one day out of nowhere she called me to tell me how good she was doing and she thanked me for everything. We planned to hang out but a week later I found out the news and I've never felt more confused in my life. I still don't get it.

Some days are fine, but when I go back to my hometown I can't picture it the same. I definitely know what everyone is saying about some days being hard to get through. I've found over time those days are less and less. Still can't really talk about who she was or think about our memories without getting emotional though.

Anyways, I still don't understand it. I don't know if I ever will but it's been something I've been trying to process for a long time. Just gotta live life while you can and make the most of it, I suppose.

I can't wrap my mind around me dying. The fact that my life is gonna end some day is mind blowing. I definitely haven't accepted death yet, and I dont really know how to do that.


I'm also gonna be a fucking wreck when my parents pass away. That's going to absolutely ruin me.


But I've experienced what you said in the OP, earlier in the summer I had 3 or 4 people that I knew and were a similar age as me pass away. Shit's crazy.


Life's nuts man.

SVmikeNo offence at all. but how does one "accidentally" shoot someone in the head. You know what a gun can do and what its job is. I own plenty of guns. I'v never had one accidentally get up and shoot some one. Again no offence and that is tragic.

Well accident isn't exactly the most fitting but its like the only way to describe it. I don't know the whole story but they were at a bbq and drinking and either showing off guns or target shooting or something along those lines and the trigger either accidentally got pulled or the guy wasn't paying attention and shot my friend right in the head. He got charged with voluntary manslaughter

RimJobberWell accident isn't exactly the most fitting but its like the only way to describe it. I don't know the whole story but they were at a bbq and drinking and either showing off guns or target shooting or something along those lines and the trigger either accidentally got pulled or the guy wasn't paying attention and shot my friend right in the head. He got charged with voluntary manslaughter

And again no disrespect. Loosing a friend is never easy, especially in such a senseless way. I own guns and enjoy the sport but I just hope people will one day learn that they are not toys to be "played" with. Again sorry for your loss.

Mt.AssYou're a fucking idiot

Explain? How am I wrong? What about my statement is false. I showed no disrespect. Guns are not toys. They have one job, to put big holes in things. Playing with them drunk at a BBQ is not a good idea, Yep, I'm the "fucken idiot."

Death is most certainly a weird concept, like the whole idea that you become lifeless, you're either burned to a pile of ashes or buried in a box for you to rot away in is just odd to me.

Losing people close to you is even more odd, my dad's best friend had a heart attack earlier in the spring and unfortunately left behind a pregnant wife and a daughter. I didn't believe it at first, and took it a bit harder than my dad, and it was odd. Im guessing it was due to the role he filled, he was my dads only best friend essentially, would be over at our house a bunch, would come on snowmobile trips with me and my dad, etc. So I spent a helluva lot of time around the dude.

it was shitty then it was just a weird feeling, and then you just through it. me and my dad had some beers and shot the shit while reminiscing the guy, and that was it. Death is such a weird thing.


The only time it really shocks me is when someone much similar to you passes on. Super rad local kid at snowbird was killed in the alps last winter, and it just shook me and my friends straight. Obviously the whole "it could have been me" shit fills your mind, but what bothered me most about it was the fact that it just goes to show the mountains really don't give a fuck how old you are/what experience you have, you'll get chewed up and spit out just as bad as the next guy. that's what fucked me up about that story for some reason.

still skiing, though. I guess its what separates us from boring 9to5 ham and eggers.

sorry for the rambling, trying to take a few study breaks to pass the time.

SVmikeExplain? How am I wrong? What about my statement is false. I showed no disrespect. Guns are not toys. They have one job, to put big holes in things. Playing with them drunk at a BBQ is not a good idea, Yep, I'm the "fucken idiot."

You aren't wrong you're just a know-it-all insensitive cunt who doesn't know when to keep his cunt mouth shut.

Now is that time in case you were wondering.

Huck_NorrisYou aren't wrong you're just a know-it-all insensitive cunt who doesn't know when to keep his cunt mouth shut.

Now is that time in case you were wondering.

Wow OK. You think your the first person in the history to loose some one they love. News flash, we have all had to deal with it. I have an incredible amount of sympathy for you. Having 9 people from your class die is tough. Then your brother. I feel your pain. I, in no way, was insensitive. Taking your issues out on other just make you look like a dick. I feel sorry for you.

SVmikeWow OK. You think your the first person in the history to loose some one they love. News flash, we have all had to deal with it. I have an incredible amount of sympathy for you. Having 9 people from your class die is tough. Then your brother. I feel your pain. I, in no way, was insensitive. Taking your issues out on other just make you look like a dick. I feel sorry for you.

I am not taking my issues out on you at all.


My point is thus: What do you honestly hope to gain- even internally- by "putting him in his place" about gun safety?? No shit guns are dangerous. We all know that. The kid fusked up and he's dead. The fact that you'd take a thread about dealing with loss and turn it into an "SVmike knows best and is going to let people know he knows" tirade is just fucking sad and more than a little pathetic. You're definitely being an overbearing cunt. Please stop. I don't want or need your "sympathy" but I'd love it if you could corral your self-important need to postulate to threads that aren't this one. Thanks.

Huck_NorrisI am not taking my issues out on you at all.


My point is thus: What do you honestly hope to gain- even internally- by "putting him in his place" about gun safety?? No shit guns are dangerous. We all know that. The kid fusked up and he's dead. The fact that you'd take a thread about dealing with loss and turn it into an "SVmike knows best and is going to let people know he knows" tirade is just fucking sad and more than a little pathetic. You're definitely being an overbearing cunt. Please stop. I don't want or need your "sympathy" but I'd love it if you could corral your self-important need to postulate to threads that aren't this one. Thanks.

Sure thing. I'll stoop to your level then. You're a fucking idiot. Make you feel better? If you think my comment was a "tirade" then you need to pull your head out of your ass. I don't gain a fucking thing and I sure as shit didn't try and use NS to make a statement. Hay guess what? Go fuck yourself.

PS I do feel sorry for you. Like it or not. I hope you find peace and come to terms with your rage.

SVmikeIf you think my comment was a "tirade" then you need to pull your head out of your ass. I don't gain a fucking thing and I sure as shit didn't try and use NS to make a statement.

No a tirade is multiple posts hammering the kid on details when there is no point aside from taking pride in being a dick about random shit that doesn't concern you. Let it go ya fuckin' whiner! Waaaaah Huck was mean to me! Why don't you cry about it ya fuckin' pussy!? Lol.

I've never had anyone that I'm extremely close to die other than my great grandmother, who was a great woman, but I was young when she died and I didn't really understand what happened. Death sure is eminent though. I think about it all the time. My grandparents aren't going to be around forever and when I go a few weeks, or months, without talking to them I feel extremely guilty because I don't know what could happen in that time. Sometimes it can happen so fast and unexpectedly. I'm already a wreck just thinking about it, i don't know what will happen when it actually happens. They are so meaningful and important to me and my entire family. It's going to change everything, I already know that. They're the glue to my family.

I lost my grandfather a month before I graduated, he was the only person in my mom's side that made us feel like we were family. It's always so rough when you loose someone. There's always something that's gonna remind you of them. I can't shoot rifles anymore because I have such a strong connection to my grandfathers death. It's been two years and I'm finally coming to peace.

I'm sorry to hear your loss.

Chubz.I'm also gonna be a fucking wreck when my parents pass away. That's going to absolutely ruin me.

so much this

I feel I associate with the saying " death itself cant hurt me. The thought of dying is what really irks me"
Had a friend who skied, married with 2 kids. Didn't even ski park or do anything crazy. Just like to ski groomers and make nice carves. He was a great skier. Then one day he just hit a patch of ice lost control and hit a tree. Snapped his neck and died. He was wearing a helmet and everything. That shit really got me down and I didn't want to put skis on for a week's. But then it came to me that we do only have one shot at life. You might as well use that trying new things and doing what you love. Make your life worth it. We're all just living to die

I'd say people don't die often enough. #overpopulation

On another note, making friends. That is, close friends. Can be very difficult. Losing those people that are close to your heart can't be easily replaced.

So true man...grandpa died a couple months ago and my grandmas dying....death is scary....I havent told anybody this but the day before I broke my neck cliff jumping I had a dream I died from drowning.....ur mind does crazy stuff.

RIP my BOI WARNICK sometimes i won't think about it for days, and then one random minute it will hit me sometimes... and I've even broken down in Park Lane , crying and shit , fuck


And yup, getting older sucks I was just about to post that cause its 2am and I felt nostalgic for this site

But no, foreal, getting old - it slips up on you, and honestly, most if not almost all the people i shared so many of the dopest years of my life skiing east coast park and urban with them.... Its weird to think where everyone is.

Im not trying to be that kid to just drop in out of nowhere, a and say whats good for no particular reason out of my way... no but i miss 2004-2005

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Here's the thing I figured out through above all:

It's mostly worthless to try and explain to someone who is 14, 15, 16 what they have still and don't realize it at all (least with this demographic ha) and that includes me without a fucking doubt......... I actually have no idea what I thought, that I would YUNG for pretty much ever...

And I still am YOUNG relative to other ages, but fucking serious I'm going to b 30 in almost 3 years makes me want to cry

The perspective you gain or are supposed to, like I said all along that I WOULD TOO!!!!! the issue is especially get caught up in a world of being stoned 24/7, feeling great, thinking ur pretty dope when its called for...... laughing when u fuck up, but overall its (almost) impossible to explain the advice and suggestions I would give anyone who is right NOW The age i was young' east here... 2004-2008 at most.


I could tell you about how its not my opinion, just a fact.... that anyone who is on college loans or any of that shit is retarded or just ignorant.

IF you were born by parents who figured out the game of life, aka. had or have money, then fine, by all means go to fucking Art School , Film School whatever... or anything haha

BUT if they were not, usualy younger parents, but not always.... and can't or won't help you out pay for college a penny, fucking don't go to that shit!!!!!!!!!

Its a BUSINESS literally, trust me, Ive gotten to see things around Harvard's faculty/administration/the president etc. back b4 i peaced out, that Im not saying its some huge conspiracy. Not at all, its quite obvious, to myself now at least....


So I dropped out, and sure like I said if you are having no issues with it, really loving it , and getting through the academic part of it fine - it really doesn't hurt at all obviously.

Otherwise,

its 2015.

almost 2016.
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If you're a young grom, like 13-18, learn to code fast and don't get just fluent in it, but master at least 3 languages, trust me and know how to use them in just about any possible pragmatic scenario that is likely to have your skills used at . Id say rubyonrails, python, Javascript is my top #3 for baller status to know , obviously its a good idea to understand html5 enough , its pretty fucking simple.

What is NOT simple? High school, like FUCK that shit ever again, 5 days a week, waking up at 6:30am or w/e and just having SO many classes, with work due for almost all of them of some sort EVERYDAY or close to it, and followed by simultaneous exams and shit. Goodluck , and adderall will make it SO MUCH EASIER but (it takes A LOT out of me to say this..) the thing is that it might ruin your life to a degree.

Im addicted to pills.... no doubt... and my doctor is my drug dealer no doubt. But after a while the pain gets bad enough u just wana feel OKAY and ski and chill and not have that thing

----

to the coding thing..

Funny how many people are ignorant of developer jobs being THE ONLY job sector that has an influx of POSITIONS PPLZ ARE DYING TO HIRE SOMEONE FOR.

And guess what? Unlike ALL your friends, if you take this route, which does take a great deal of self discipline and understanding of how things actually are... but if you do, you'll be out of high school, go move somewhere dreamland to ski if thats what your about, but close enough to also a medium to small city at least - thus it has the companies, start-ups, and corporations that

- don't care what your sophomore year math and chemistry grades look like..... they care if you can impress them or at least SHOW them, usually after or before any more traditional interview talking shiet.... To solve an issue right in front of them "live" or "build something that _______ and therefore does ______ "

I know a lot about Google's interview process, and are down the street from me but they are not normal,


You can easily be done with that b4 you are done with high school. Or start earlier if u are smarter. Whatever.

But then you can tell the world to suck ur dick because they will, and you will have companies fighting over you - really awesome, really high paying ones...

or..

dont do that, or do that and then NETWORK as much as possible, and start something with 2-5 people id say tops, obviously anyone who doenst belong in that clique needs to be out, but you can quicker than u could imagine build a start-up that sooner than later, transforms into actual full established company status etc./


EVERYTHING increasingly is controlled and about technology obviously, so please someone tell me 1 reason that MAKES SENSE that you would get hung up having to have a stupid fucking piece of paper on the wall, unless you are going into law or medicine basically - you MIGHT make $30,000 starting out on average, and get up to like $80,000 after years of hating ur life probably and just that office space shit

or learn how to write code, and its not just for "nerds" anymore hahahaha cause then I'm a nerd , which is just silly...

Seriously, all the jobs you get after that, especially as I said, starting on it young with free amazing online resources to get things rolling immediately... and in edition after a while even go to (Hackreactor - SF the best that exists so far), and yeah its not bullshit at all that 99% of everyone completes the program, and 98% get a job that starts at 98,000$ the least, to an average of $104,000 i think.


What does this have to do with the thread? Cause getting older turns into ONE huge fucking super lame money miserable grind, and I'm not about that never was. Dropped out of college because i can learn 25x as much, and more pertinent info into my long term and solid memory, about how things work, and therefore cursing over the learning curve - THAN anyyy school.


But if you do that, or better yet, do something WHILE you are in high school, its extremely possible:

1 example:

- Before you are 18, sell drugs, like serous weight, but be extremely smart and only if you are extremely smart and brilliant about it... better start young, and know the game even if its mostly or all white suburban rich kids etc. Example? I have an asian homie from one of the high schools I went to.... and he started selling grams and 8ths of bud early, like between 8th and 9th, but by 12th grade he had done what ALWAYS happens unless ur just a sketchy ass person and no one will fucks with you .

But assuming you know the deal, like him, who you would never stereotypically expect, he graduated HS in 2011' like me... but with close to $500,000 / half a million dollars put away. Then he moved to yayo, and sold both, but half a mili isn't that crazy when you are picking up 50 lbs of bud at a time... and selling each one so fast, for no less than $3600 (east coast)


but then ya, I don't know, its a lot better to get in trouble before you turn 18 anyways, so w/e , If I could go back Id still have all the fun skiing that I did, SOME or MOST maybe,.. of the partying I did but probably would of toned it down a little or a lot...

Blacking out becomes not cool. And i was young blackout for so many years.

------

But in edition to hustling weight, to regular customers who only grow in their wealth too which means they start taking off more and more off u at a time, so you can get rid of 50 lbs in 1-2 weeks absolute tops, without ever driving anywhere or doing anything where statistically or physically it would be possible to get busted ,anomalies aside

Put A LOT of that into investments, mutual funds, keep like 100k to play risky with...... and if you a bit of smart but mostly lucky , you might flip that to 3x the 100k$ amount in a very short period of time while u do nothing.
---

But that's almost besides the point, if you aren't about that stack$ hustle life, then moving on.....

THINK ABOUT IT: Your tuition is going to cost on average roughly, what? $40,000 approximately. A YEAR.


Again I said, plenty of parents of kids - many legends on NS that I grew up with and crewed up with , their parents didn't think twice about floating $60,000 year bill + money to drink and party and travel to shit like IF3 etc...

And I fell under that category too , but it can almost , not quite but almost be a disadvantage because the point of college is ultimately "TO GET A JOB?" Right?

Well...... sadly only a very small % use it to its potential or even remotely anywhere close. Instead, its a good excuse to not worry about real life for 4 more years, not worry about money, have it not be quite real, everything paid for - and yup, party, fuck college pussy, and have a ton of fun and sleep in all while doing it !

IF thats why your going, u have to just be honest with yourself..... then don't. Or even if part of your excuses are saying well "I'm not going get hired without a degree in something"


Not true. Look at Matty B here on NS originally - from St. Michaels college, VT.

He may of finished i forget I'm at least a few years older than him, but nonetheless, what happened? He had a THOUGHT, right there, touching while zoning out halfway his cord on his headphones in his room or something like the way I'm saying it, and wondered why they essentially had to be so fucking lame and break easy and just be white that gets dirty, and not everyone wants that shit.

So unlike the other 500,000 people, he actually got RIGHT on the internet and found out if a company existed that produced what he had a potential chance of coming up with first......

At that time? No one did. Yessir, and I haven't talked to him in years, but really, I Know you are BaWlin hard, Matty B , props.

However, that was a mix of luck, personality, and ambition / to not just be a lazy fuck
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But if you want to make as much money as Matt does promised, take the money you were going to spend on college and invest it into launching either a start-up IF and ONLY IF you are that type A personality and yet also have that nerd in you, as well as are just driven independently.



So long story short, people will do what they want, but its crazy how I see these little kids , even their parents making them do all this BULLSHIT just to try and "have the perfect college resume"


Again, I've been lucky to become influenced at an extremely young age by some really fucking incredible people, just due to luck, and yet I haven't broken across yet and I'm 27.....

But in the end, I believe that without a doubt, if I made it through all the years ,have done my fair of stupid things, should be dead for sure.. but now Its weird, I'm not looking too much older than I did when I was 22 I think...... just your brain does change, and as much as I

also pets...all the pets around me are dying! what the fuck, don't die you little shits you're the only thing that keeps humanity going!!!

The media is gay as shit all they talk about is fuckin talk about is people dieng and never good things like who won x games or something.

suicide is by far the worst for someone close to you to pass from.

selfiejesussuicide is by far the worst for someone close to you to pass from.

Suicide is certainly very difficult to deal with. Last week was my the one year anniversary of when my fiances brother decided to take his life. He finished his tour in Afghanistan in June of last year and then he killed himself with sleeping pills three months later. It's really tough because their dad died of a random heart attack at a young age 8 years ago. They were a very close family after that. It's kind of how the made it through his death, by being close together and all. So to see him kill himself made the grief from my fiances fathers passing even more unbearable for her and her family as well. It was like he died all over again. My mother-in-law is a complete wreck now, she won't leave the house and has become addicted to the drugs she was prescribed to help her deal with all of this. I personally think that she should have never been prescribed them in the first place, but I didn't have any control about that so I just have to sit back and watch her suffer. It really is a depressing site. She literally cannot take care of her self so my fiance, her grandparents, and I have all been literally baby sitting her for the past year.

After going through all of this the OP's message about telling the people you love that you love them is 100% spot on. I feel incredibly blessed that my fiance realizes the OP's message as well. Despite all that has happened to her and her family, she wakes up every day knowing that this her life as well, and that she can't let the death of someone she loved hold her back from the living life she wants to live. Her ability to see this is kind of the silver lining I've taken out of this whole situation. While it's been a horrible thing for her to go through, her ability to get through it has made her a better person in the long run I believe. Her outlook on life now has changed for the better. I'll never understand why this happens though. The whole human nature behind how going through something so gut wrenching and difficult can cause some people to live life to it's fullest. I guess it's just kind of sad to think about, how it takes some people to go through a devastating experience to gain a new perspective and outlook on life. It what it is though I guess. If I think about it too hard than I just get lost in my own thoughts so I've just kind of learned to accepted it as something that can't be explained. I'm just incredibly fortunate that my fiance is getting through it. I just pray that her mother can do the same.

I find talking about it always helps but I seem to be the worst at getting my words out in front of people that are trying to help. I've lost a best friend and another close friend in the past year due to suicide. It's been very tragic re-living the nightmare twice in a row.

My friends have become a lot closer and we really take care of each other through hard times. I guess what i'm getting at is no matter how hard it is to talk about death, it always helps to just spit it out in front of your homies.

If anyone on here needs a friend to talk to about anything at anytime, feel free to hit me up.

Huck_NorrisMy little brother was killed a little over two months ago in a horrific accident so I know what you mean. I haven't said a word about it on here but sometimes we do need to vent just to get it all out and see how we feel afterwards. Whether it's here or candidly with friends and family is up to the individual but having someone to talk to is important. Hell just saying that you aren't ok out loud is what you need to do even if it passes.

I've found solace in just being 100% committed to accomplishing what we were planning to do and turning his memory into a positive motivator.

It's hard though, because those tsunamis of emotion come out of nowhere sometimes and man do they hit like a ton of bricks. It can be paralyzing sometimes.

Best of luck to you OP and hang in there.

evibes and condolances till ya manage to make it back out utardia way and i can deliver em in person