Disclaimer - I choose to create an alias account to share my story because Iím a long time active member of this site and all I want is to protect my dignity on it. I am incredibly embarrassed about the fact that I am a drug addict so please bear with me. If youíre truly interested who I really am then just send me a PM and I will tell you. Thanks.
The past three and a half years of my life have sadly revolved around my raging addiction to the commonly prescribed ADD/ADHD known as Adderall. As I'm sure there are many of you here on NS that have their own stories and experiences with the study drug, mine come as cautionary tales. So for those of you out there that havenít tried the drug or for those of you that just started using it. Let this be your warning.
My Life as a Raging Adderall Addict
Chapter 1: The Salt Tease
I remember lying in bed late one night during finals week. I was trying to force my self to fall asleep because I had planned to wake up earlier than usual the next morning so I could get one more quick study session finals test in before in before one of finals that morning. All of a sudden I get a text from one of my friends telling me to come up to his house to study with him. Being an anxious and desperately restless freshman, I gave up all hope at getting to bed early, grabbed my long board, and proceeded on the five minute night ride up to my friends house.
My friend was a junior at the time so he knew how to conduct a proper college finals week if you know what I mean. Me being a rookie to college finals week, not only took all of his advice, but I also took it with a very particular grain of salt as well. He said it was his last and most important recommendation and I was in the "try me" stage of my life at that particular moment of my life, so I naturally look at the orange capsule and said "sure, what the heck" and the rest is history.
Chapter 2: The Eagle Scout
As the son of a Catholic school raised nurse and of an air line pilot, I was born into a great house hold. I have a brother who is 18 months younger than me, and a sister who is two years older than me. Our parents are very traditional and conservative so they were very strict. We were all raised as Catholic's, going to church every Sunday was not an option, it was mandatory. It wasn't all that bad though, my family always had the benefit of flying for free because of my dad, so we were always going on vacations to countries all across the world. We traveled to Spain, Israel, South Africa, etc... Those trips taught me so much about the world and am incredibly thankful towards my parents for giving me those experiences.
I quickly was on my way to becoming my parents trophy child. You know, the one sibling your parents never have to worry about becoming a major fuck up. I was an alter boy, a cub scout, a boy scout, and an eagle scout. I spent eight years my working as a camp counselor at a Boy Scout camp during the summers. I was taking every AP class in the book, graduating with honors. I constantly challenged myself as a student. I also was very much into sports, I letter'd as the captain of our lacrosse team and letter'd as a runner in the state championship cross-country meet. At the end of my senior year of high school I was rewarded a substantial sized scholarship that would help pay for my college tuition. I sound like a giant such a suck ass huh? Anyways, it was the best time of my entire life because everything was looking up for me. I thought I could do anything.
Chapter 3: Parents Basement
My freshman year didn't go as planned, I did a lot of partying and spent a lot of my mornings being hug buddies with my toilet when I should of been in class. Needless to say my grades sucked and my future at the university was in shambles so it was time for a plan B, moving back home into my parents basement.
As a freshman in college I was oblivious to what I actually wanted to with my life. I have always been interested in multiple subjects wether it be astronomy or history and I didn't have a particular favorite. Everything interests me so it was incredibly tough for me to choose what I specialize at. One thing that has always been one of my favorite obsessions was that of flying. Since my dad was a pilot, as a kid all I wanted to do was to become a pilot someday. So instead of going to a community college to take the basic level college classes, I choose to enroll to aviation school to become a pilot. Unfortunately for me though this dream of mine came to a quick and abrupt end. I was unaware of the fact that I'm colorblind and I learned that out the hard way during my private pilots license's physical.... that I had after I had enrolled in and had started classes of course. So seeing as how I was color blind and how the FAA doesn't allow color blind commercial airline pilots so it was now time for plan C.
PS - Find out if your colorblind or not before you spend 1000's on flight school.
Chapter 4: Dancing with the Devil
Looking back on it, plan C truly was a dumb ass plan that I hadn't thought out to well. It all started after I was finishing up the rest of the fall semester for pilot school that I wasn't attending. Due to the permanent end of my flight career because of my color vision deficiency revelations, I decided to get a job at Chipotle working with some high school buddies of mine. But as the beginning of the spring semester was approaching, I somehow conceived the idea that we should move back up to the town where I first went to school. I then decided to enroll at their community college. It's important to note that his mood was in no way fueled by nothing other than the fact that my girl friend. At the time we had been dating for almost a whole year. I'd find myself constantly driving an hour and a half all the way up to her house every weekend so I figured that I should just transfer to the Chipotle's to the one in her town.
Right before I was about to leave for my second attempt in this town, I very eloquently brought up the idea of being prescribed ADHD medication to help me out with my school work. I experimented with adderall on occasion and I usually would get it from my older sister who has been getting it prescribed for years. No she wasn't a drug dealer, she wasn't slinging them or anything. She was just trying to help me out as my sister. I told my father this and that it really helped my performance so he agreed with me that I should talk to my doctor about getting a script so that's exactly what I did.
I'd like to believe that I truly had good intentions on trying to improve my academics when I decided to get my first script that year. However my head tells me that the reason that I got it is because I enjoyed how it'd make me high as a kite. In all honesty I can't recall what my motivation to get that first script was because that was the day when my life would turn into a hazy mist.
Chapter 5: Call of Duty at 4Am, a Hot Cup of Joe, and a Fat Lip
This was my mo back during those days. This is what I would do. Of course fate would have it so that the one guy who exposed to this cracked out world of adderall in chapter 1, would end up being one of my roommates that year. One of our other roommates had also just gotten a script for adderall so we we'd end up being a mad house that year.
"Someone have to study tonight?" "No, but I'll get cracked out on pharmaceutical meth, crank the bass nectar, and play some COD with you until my fingers fall off."
This happened on the daily until or until we'd run out of adderall which was started to become a problem because we were building up our tolerances towards the drug. "Dude just tell that to your doctor, they'll have no problem upping the dosage." 90 minutes later and I'm walking out of the pharmacy with a bottle full of more meth. As an addict, the days where I could get my script field were better than a fucking white christmas when you're six years old. The days or weeks leading up to those much anticipated holidays where fucking hell. Not a month went by where we wouldn't go through a month's prescription in an actual month's time period. It more be like two weeks if you're lucky. Sometimes I'd even go through a bottle with 60 20 mg's in a week!
My body was taking a hefty beating as a result. I only weighed a 130 pounds at one point because the meds made me not want to eat. Working out? Yeah right, COD had to be played. The combination of copious amounts of adderall, caffeine, tobacco, and weed without much food or water is a recipe for disaster. But damn they sure do make you feel damn good. The end of that year ended as you'd expect, my school work was awful, I lost my job, and I would end up back where I started. My parents basement. Except this time I would return as a raging drug addict.
Chapter 6: Nothing's Changed
I'll spare you the details of the awful year that I had living at parents house. When you steal your sisters three month prescription of adderall and take them all over the course of a week and half, plus your entire script as well, then it'd be very difficult for your parents to not notice anything. In short, they found out that Im an addict and that got my ass kicked out of my own parents house. Oh did I mention that I'd fail out of broadcasting school that year as well? Yeah that one was a doozy with the parents.
I am still an addict now and I still can't shake my old habits. What's even worse is that I will often go two straight month's cold turkey and then all of a sudden one day I'm back popping more pills. I also do not have a prescription anymore and I've resorted to buying them from some dudes I know which means Im spending 100's on them every month. I can't keep a steady job and have gotten fired from three different jobs over the course of a single year. I live in a house with some roommates and my girlfriend. However all my roommates hate me and my girlfriend of four years doesn't know if she wants to live again with me.
It may not sound like I want help by the way I've come off in my post, but I most certainly do. I'm not lying when I say that I hate these pills more than I hate the devil. They have completely taken control of my life and have ruined almost every single person that has ever loved me. If I could go back in time then I'd go back and knock myself out before I ever put these things in body for the first time. The lease on my house is going to be up at the end of July and shitting bricks because I don't where I'll go or live. I got fired from my job last week so now I don't have an income. Im truly scared that I might end up on the streets if I can't get my shit together.
Yes, I know that I have some HUGE problems that I need to take care of. I know that I'm an awful person for doing this to the ones that loved and cared about me. There is no need to tell me this stuff because all your doing is telling me something I already know. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything like that. Really the reason I wrote this is because I don't want anyone make the same mistakes that I have. Look at where it has gotten me and ask yourselves if you'd like to go through an experience like mine. You don't want your life to turn into a spiral of living hell so please. Just think about my advice and be happy with yourself while you still have yourself.