Critique my website/writing

Prepare to be ripped... Constructively

BOLD=My suggestions

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As children we didn't know what complacency was and we very rarely succumbed to it. We lived life and tried

to roast the perfect marshmallow and loved it all. We never settled, we fought boredom instead of embracing
^period. New sentence.
it, we lived our happy little lives un-encumbered with the dreary, inevitable despair that is that word.

^Period. New sentence. ^No hyphen necessary


Complacency is not failure, complacency is the inability to learn from that failure. Complacency is the absence

of reaction, engagement, movement and contribution. Complacency is not contentment, it is the ultimate

anti-contentment, the biggest obstacle to true contentment. To be content we must at some level fail, accept

that failure, learn from it and succeed. To be complacent all we need to do is fail and then avoid any situation

that could potentially lead to further failure.

Solid paragraph. Sets the tone for the rest of the piece.



Complacency hinders the cycle of failure that leads to success. Complacency addresses failure by accepting

it. This sentiment is the enemy of growth, knowledge and success. Robert F. Kennedy said, "Only those who

dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." Winston Churchill agrees, "Success is not final, failure is not

fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."



So what stands between us and the motivational posters? Why do we so often settle for failure and stop

growing? It's part of man's imperfect nature that we take the path of least resistance. Complacency with

failure often is that path.

^ is often, maybe?

Complacency is the path most traveled. Complacency is the belief that we can succeed, that we can be

happy, without failing. Complacency is the easy way out, the natural choice, the obvious decision.



So how do we fight that, how do we avoid the unavoidable? We can't simply fight complacency by being

successful or working hard or making a lot of money. Instead, the only real way to fight complacency is to

strive for true contentment, the kind of contentment that comes with confidence, the kind of contentment that

comes from failure.



Only by failing, over and over and over again can we succeed. Only by learning from our failures and taking
^either put a comma here or eliminate the one after "failing"
our motivation from them can we be content. Contentment doesn't mean you have won or that you are

successful or that you have the "right" job or that you make enough money. Contentment means that you love

life, that you love your neighbors and that you are always pushing, working, running, always moving "Further

up and Further in."

^why is further capitalized here?

Contentment means that you are glad to be sitting at the campfire, you are not afraid of adversity or failure

and you would not trade your place for anything. Complacency is sitting at home, complaining about the long

drive, the painful hike, the cold tent and the high sugar content of S'mores. Contentment is cooking the perfect

marshmallow and isn't going to settle with a burnt one.

Cook the perfect marshmallow.
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Overall, a pretty solid piece. The message is a constructive and positive one, and it works. Other than the few technical issues I pointed out above, you may want to find a synonym for complacency. It got a little tiresome reading it over and over, but that may have been intentional. It got a little... mundane at points. Maybe try rewording some sentences to draw the reader in more wholly. I know that's vague, but what do you want for a free critique over a skiing website?

Keep at it, man.

Son of a bitch. The formatting got kinda fucked up

Bart.ManKeep at it, man.

DUDE! Thanks, such good input, I will go through and fix that stuff, I really have a hard time with comas and syntax as you saw, really good to have someone pointing out the problems instead of just being like, "that's nice"

Thanks!

cydwhitDUDE! Thanks, such good input, I will go through and fix that stuff, I really have a hard time with comas and syntax as you saw, really good to have someone pointing out the problems instead of just being like, "that's nice"

Thanks!

For sure dude! I'll try to get to that piece below it a little later. Yeah, constructive criticism is a must.

I like the site design. It's responsive, in-style, and minimal. I just think it might be a bit too minimal. There seems like a lot of white space.

The other thing is this. Let's say I'm on the home page. There's three options. Photos, writing, and video. Ok cool. So I click photos, and then I go to highlight your name at the top, and I start seeing "about", "links", etc. It makes me feel like there are more hidden categories on the site that I could be missing.

That's my $0.02 for now... you take killer photos man... the more and more I look at dope stuff like that, it makes me want to get into photgraphy.

steezyjibberI like the site design. It's responsive, in-style, and minimal. I just think it might be a bit too minimal. There seems like a lot of white space.

The other thing is this. Let's say I'm on the home page. There's three options. Photos, writing, and video. Ok cool. So I click photos, and then I go to highlight your name at the top, and I start seeing "about", "links", etc. It makes me feel like there are more hidden categories on the site that I could be missing.

That's my $0.02 for now... you take killer photos man... the more and more I look at dope stuff like that, it makes me want to get into photgraphy.

Yeah, I am definitely going for a lot of white space, I have a tendency to be too busy so I wanted to avoid that.

Basically that little top bar thing is an automatic part of the site so I have had a hard time messing with it, I might just get rid of it and do a static top bar with all of my links in it, I had wondered if people actually see the little drop down thing or not, since the "about, contact, links stuff" is kind of important.

On a side note, writing that "about" section was some of the hardest writing I have ever done and I am still not happy with it, haha

Thanks!

cydwhitYeah, I am definitely going for a lot of white space, I have a tendency to be too busy so I wanted to avoid that.

Basically that little top bar thing is an automatic part of the site so I have had a hard time messing with it, I might just get rid of it and do a static top bar with all of my links in it, I had wondered if people actually see the little drop down thing or not, since the "about, contact, links stuff" is kind of important.

On a side note, writing that "about" section was some of the hardest writing I have ever done and I am still not happy with it, haha

Thanks!

Ah yeah I got you. I guess I didn't even notice you could highlight it and see the drop down stuff on the first page.

Really nice site, I am hoping to create something similar in the near future. One thing I noticed is that you should link some of your published writing (Newschoolers) to your site (specifically when I press the writing section link), I feel like this is similar to having video and photo clients, people like to see that your writing has been used by another company.

Also, I watched the Quick Flics video. At the part where it is talking about delivery did you use Wallisch Road as an inside joke with the skiing community? I really hope so haha.

SkaliwagifyReally nice site, I am hoping to create something similar in the near future. One thing I noticed is that you should link some of your published writing (Newschoolers) to your site (specifically when I press the writing section link), I feel like this is similar to having video and photo clients, people like to see that your writing has been used by another company.

Also, I watched the Quick Flics video. At the part where it is talking about delivery did you use Wallisch Road as an inside joke with the skiing community? I really hope so haha.

Yeah! Good stuff, thanks!

On the first thing, I actually have that under "links" I wanted to have it on the "writing" page but since it is technically a blog I don't have as much control over that, I will try to put a sidebar up on the blog that is something like "other places my work has appeared" Good catch

I am so stoked someone finally caught that! NS'er Engerbretson did all of the graphic design and UI/UX for the app and I do all the social media and video work. I worked in Wallisch Road and Hall Blvd. as kind of a tip of the hat to skiing, all throughout the mockup process we used different pro skier names and addresses. At one point I had T. Hall ordering a DVD to Chad's gap drive, my boss caught it and was like "what's Chad's Gap?"

Gonna go make all these changes tomorrow night, anything else to do while I'm at it?

My procrastination is your benefit! Here are some thoughts on your second piece. I changed up the format from the last critique to make sure it stays consistent when I post it.

My notes are in parentheses in bold where I see things to comment on.

Take everything I say with a grain of salt, man. All of these comments are just suggestions. This is (obviously) your work, and you know better what you want to convey.
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Why am I spewing words into the internet? Why am I sitting here, tooting on my tin horn and hollering at the
adults as they walk by? (Nice intro. It sets a mood for the piece and has creative, original imagery.)

The simple reason is because I am excited. We are all here, we are all alive and that in itself is reason enough to throw a party. We have all been given something more beautiful, more valuable and more incredible than we can imagine and too often we try to stifle that excitement instead of celebrating it.

We like to get existential, to sit under the stars and wonder about Things (why capitalize "things"?). We get all spiritually pretentious and emotionally constipated and devise elaborate theories for it all. We write books and argue and pitch little fits when we get called names. (I'm not quite sure I agree with the language you use in this section. Do you mean for it to be semi-accusatory? That's how it comes across to me)

Of course there is a place for knowledge-seeking and there is a time to ask questions (comma here? "questions, but...") but too often we ask them not because we want to learn but because we want to seem wise. We aim for "depth" and stub our noses on the bottom (nice sentence. I like the message, and it's delivered in an original way). We try to seem "mature" by becoming complacent and storing up useless knowledge.

With this excessive knowledge comes a distaste for excitement (nicely said). These "mature" people don't get excited, (period here, new sentence instead of a comma?) they are never rendered speechless with awe, (same here) they are never overwhelmed with joy. (If you make each of those a separate sentence, it will create a punchy, abrupt effect. Could work to deliver your point)

We make up questions because making up the answers to them makes us feel better. We are never content to be amazed, to be overwhelmed by this world that flows through us. We are never content to trust in the Truth (is there a reason truth is capitalized?) and revel in the beauty around us. Instead we ignore the beauty and focus on ourselves.

This world we inhabit is incredible. We live in a place where rocks are piled miles high and people regularly die climbing them. We live in a world where fish glow in the dark and light and water make rainbows and people play video games professionally. We live in a world where Shakespeare can write his plays and Adams can take his pictures but you can't relieve yourself in the Amazon or something nasty will happen (I don't get what you mean by the last part of this sentence. Seems like an abrupt change from the spectacular world to a strange tangent about shitting in the Amazon... river? Jungle? I'm a little unclear here.).

We try to sugar coat it, (Either make this a new sentence or put a conjuntion after the comma. These are two separate ideas) we drape the porta-poties in lace and we relegate those scary mountains to our desktop backgrounds. We take the beauty and the terror and try to water them both down into some kind of bland mush and then we try to sell that as reality.

Why? Is it just easier to be scared then stoked? Does success come when we flatten all the mountains or when we climb them? I don't pretend to be wise, or even knowledgeable. I don't do "deep" and I think "mature" is often just used as a euphemism for complacent (You seem very focused on complacency. It's shown through in both of these pieces. Do you mean for that to show through and be a main focus or did it happen naturally?).

I do know that writing things down usually has one of two consequences. Either the writer realizes that what he said is stupid and takes it back before everyone else can tell him so, or he leaves it and thinks about it and doesn't mind having said it. (I like this ending, and it's extremely true. Solid end, but it seems a bit... off topic from the last couple sections. It frames the whole piece around the idea of "why do I write" well, but maybe consider putting a transition between this and the previous paragraph.)

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Overall, pretty solid piece. It comes across as kind of negative, as if the world is so wonderful and no one appreciates it. If that's intentional, it's working, just be aware that that's how I read it. Add more writing, dude!

As for the web design, someone above said they didn't like the "hidden" drop down options, but I like it. It's smooth and pretty intuitive. Lookin good.

Awesome, Thanks!

Looks like I need to work on my coma splices (something I have been working on since junior high.

As far as the Random capitalization. This is something I am still working out, basically "Things" is a pretentious way of saying "things" I don't know if this works though, I am trying to make fun of people who are all high and mighty and discuss "Things" (this sentence really doesn't work without hearing my voice, haha. I am trying to add emphasis through capitalization but I am not sure if it works. Also ties into a mentality I have where God is the Christian god from the bible whereas god can be anything that is worshiped. Does that make any sense?

Third paragraph is meant to be semi-accusatory, I don't like most modern philosophy and I am trying to make fun of it, thus the constipation and the fits.

Fourth to the last paragraph, Yeah, something I want to write on more is how this world that is so elegant/beautiful, etc is also pretty crazy, like if you pee in the amazon river a fish will swim up the stream and eat your insides. Like how we can cook and eat a fancy dinner but in reality are we are doing is cutting up a bunch of plants and animals and combining them and then using them as fuel. Almost like that part in Hamlet where he talks about how every mighty king ends up as a worm and that whole weird cycle of fishing with the worm and it ends up with the king being peasant poop. I will expand on all this and say it way better in a future post.

I am definitely focused on complacency, maybe a little too much. I feel like it is pretty prevalent around me and is definitely my biggest temptation so in some ways this writing is as much motivation for me as anything else. I will try and shift my focus a little bit on my next couple of posts though.

Basically one of the things that inspires my writing is semi-rad.com and the biggest thing I have taken away from his writing is that it motivates me to go out and do cool stuff, I want to try and do the same in my own way.

Yeah, I wrote the end before I wrote the middle and it shows, I need to smooth that out a little.


Thanks so much for the encouragement and all of the proofing, I really appreciated it! Stoked to keep spewing words.

cydwhitAwesome, Thanks!

Looks like I need to work on my coma splices (something I have been working on since junior high.

As far as the Random capitalization. This is something I am still working out, basically "Things" is a pretentious way of saying "things" I don't know if this works though, I am trying to make fun of people who are all high and mighty and discuss "Things" (this sentence really doesn't work without hearing my voice, haha. I am trying to add emphasis through capitalization but I am not sure if it works. Also ties into a mentality I have where God is the Christian god from the bible whereas god can be anything that is worshiped. Does that make any sense?

Third paragraph is meant to be semi-accusatory, I don't like most modern philosophy and I am trying to make fun of it, thus the constipation and the fits.

Fourth to the last paragraph, Yeah, something I want to write on more is how this world that is so elegant/beautiful, etc is also pretty crazy, like if you pee in the amazon river a fish will swim up the stream and eat your insides. Like how we can cook and eat a fancy dinner but in reality are we are doing is cutting up a bunch of plants and animals and combining them and then using them as fuel. Almost like that part in Hamlet where he talks about how every mighty king ends up as a worm and that whole weird cycle of fishing with the worm and it ends up with the king being peasant poop. I will expand on all this and say it way better in a future post.

I am definitely focused on complacency, maybe a little too much. I feel like it is pretty prevalent around me and is definitely my biggest temptation so in some ways this writing is as much motivation for me as anything else. I will try and shift my focus a little bit on my next couple of posts though.

Basically one of the things that inspires my writing is semi-rad.com and the biggest thing I have taken away from his writing is that it motivates me to go out and do cool stuff, I want to try and do the same in my own way.

Yeah, I wrote the end before I wrote the middle and it shows, I need to smooth that out a little.


Thanks so much for the encouragement and all of the proofing, I really appreciated it! Stoked to keep spewing words.

Nice man. It's good to know that you made all the decisions consciously at least. Hopefully my suggestions help and you keep writing!

I think it's pretty dope.

Wrote a few more things, let me know what you think: http://www.cywhitling.com/writing/