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Shit your grandpa would say

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broto
Posts: 9039 - Karma: 25,659
everybody knows those little sayings that smart ass old people seem to have millions of at a moments notice. post your best ones here


ex.
when it's really hot out:
"I'm sweatin like a whore in church."
Aug 25 2013 9:48PM
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SkiBum.
Posts: 3597 - Karma: 3,895
THis site frowns upon racial slurs and comments so I will have to refrain from this thread.
Aug 25 2013 9:55PM
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ObiWanKablowme
Posts: 421 - Karma: 539
*grandma asks him to do the dishes*

"what do i look like? your n*gger?"

or

"buzzards will eat anything. except mexicans. ain't nothing eat a mexican."
Aug 25 2013 9:56PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
My grandma doesn't let me drink the milk out of the bottom of my cereal. God damnet Grandma I'm a grown man.
Aug 25 2013 9:56PM
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rockersteez
Posts: 593 - Karma: 1,199
this
Aug 25 2013 9:58PM
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coolflash8
Posts: 3171 - Karma: 2,046
"ill break your wrist with my knife if you dont hold your spoon properly"
also TIL everyone on NS has a racists grandpa
Aug 25 2013 10:01PM
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hippy.
Posts: 3106 - Karma: 14,356
My grandpa got in a car accident and punctured his lung (long story) anyways he had to suck air and make some little ball come to a certain level on the scale for his lung..anyways he said to me "Once all this shit is over with I'm gonna toke so hard!" I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life before...
Aug 25 2013 10:02PM
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Darth.Maul
Posts: 2472 - Karma: 652
My great grandpa. "the big problem we face right now is how to get this n*gger out of office."

He grew up in the middle of the discrimination so i cant blame him for being racist sonce he was raised in a time where thats hiw kids were taught and now hes too old (99) to change.
Aug 25 2013 10:33PM
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alex=
Posts: 1738 - Karma: 2,835
One of them died when my father was two, the other died shortly before I was born. I wouldn't know.
Aug 25 2013 10:33PM
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SterlingArcher
Posts: 2200 - Karma: 2,456
"Who are you?"
Aug 25 2013 10:36PM
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.Rybak.
Posts: 9017 - Karma: 9,864
Them ni***rs from Chicago keep coming to our town and ruining it.
Aug 25 2013 10:39PM
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No.Quarter
Posts: 5257 - Karma: 16,956
"You are a fuck up. Stop being a fuck up."

"When I was a boy..."

"Isn't the brick factory hiring?"

"The fuck is asbestos?"

"N****** go to your school?"

Grandpa "Here is a valuable manual focus film camera"
Jake "I love you grandpa" :)
Aug 25 2013 10:45PM
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bighooch
Posts: 349 - Karma: 2,062
*picture of my sister and her black friend on the laptop screensaver that was on the porch*

"why is there a nigg*r on the porch"
Aug 25 2013 10:45PM
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GayWolf420
Posts: 36696 - Karma: 110,718
My gramps told my aunt and cousin they needed to smoke weed because they are fucking lame. They got so butthurt. It was lols.
Aug 25 2013 10:48PM
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grapejuice3000+
Posts: 2132 - Karma: 1,985
anything john wayne ever said my grandpa says
Aug 25 2013 10:51PM
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Lemuel
Posts: 14477 - Karma: 10,515
"If you can't run with the dogs, stay on the porch" -- My boss whenever I come into work hungover.
Aug 25 2013 10:57PM
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grapejuice3000+
Posts: 2132 - Karma: 1,985
you sound like a bitch
Aug 25 2013 10:59PM
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Wallisch_pl
Posts: 5260 - Karma: 1,022
"you can't drive that much... you're a girl!!"

he constantly tells my sister this
Aug 25 2013 11:04PM
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jcc03skis
Posts: 1002 - Karma: 1,020
Pretty much, my grandpa refereed to me as the blonde kid.
Aug 25 2013 11:05PM
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YouAllSuck
Posts: 632 - Karma: 1,177
My grandparents are rarely racist, but once when we got pizza delivered and the delivery driver was black. My grandpa saw him walk up to the door and said "there is a darky on the front steps"
Aug 25 2013 11:43PM
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washparkdub
Posts: 266 - Karma: 66
lulz
Aug 26 2013 5:31AM
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sNaubi
Posts: 1633 - Karma: 2,357
dead
Aug 26 2013 6:31AM
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Jane6
Posts: 5359 - Karma: 4,505
haha thats terrible


when doing rock, paper scissor they added an extra thing, just hold your hand down and form it like a long, big skirt. Its the gypsy skirt, "it takes it all"


heh.
Aug 26 2013 6:42AM
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Huck_Norris
Posts: 11487 - Karma: 18,627
Pretty much every old person can blow your mind with the shit they did, you just have to ask :)

As long as they aren't behind the wheel I love old people.
Aug 26 2013 7:56AM
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ski4fun420
Posts: 902 - Karma: 842
"That's horseshit!"
Aug 26 2013 8:17AM
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Lemuel
Posts: 14477 - Karma: 10,515
Thnx bro, but I lead the pack.
Aug 26 2013 8:26AM
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erica
Posts: 3449 - Karma: 24,068
"You mean there were black bears up there?? Well did you bring a gun?"

"I've had a few names, when I was in the fertilizer business I used to go by Fred Longbottom to make the people mad, another I is Louis Montgomery"

"The newspaper these day's is all damn fightball. (That's what I call football)."
Also Brett Favre = "Brett Fart"

Aug 26 2013 8:32AM
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Iraq_Lobster
Posts: 1866 - Karma: 4,904
whenever he sees a black dog it reminds him of one he had as a coy named ni*ger
Aug 26 2013 8:49AM
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Lou.
Posts: 1787 - Karma: 3,876
We were fishing ans he by accidentally hooked the back of his head. And he yelled and said "go get the camera, this is fucking hilarious"
Aug 26 2013 9:06AM
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000000000000
Posts: 843 - Karma: 1,552
Fuck em and feed em cheese
Aug 26 2013 9:53AM
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.frenchy
Posts: 18212 - Karma: 12,257
just some canadian slurs... He was a great guy.

RIP Jean-Guy :'(
Aug 26 2013 10:38AM
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CashmereCat
Posts: 2211 - Karma: 2,394
"You know the problem with Obama? He's a fascist." My grandpa.
Aug 26 2013 10:48AM
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Brule.
Posts: 3847 - Karma: 5,658
I've never had any grandpas. One died before I was born and the other died when I was way too young to remember.
Aug 26 2013 10:49AM
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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,347
my grampa mostly just talks about his dairy farm.
Aug 26 2013 10:55AM
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RRhighrider
Posts: 2137 - Karma: 1,105
"Everyone likes a piece of ass, no one likes a smartass"
Aug 26 2013 10:58AM
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howlongcanausern
Posts: 4982 - Karma: 1,737
*somebody cuts him off, stops quick, or does something stupid*

"either a nigger or a woman"
Aug 26 2013 12:08PM
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LoathesRaisins
Posts: 3612 - Karma: 4,735
"What?"
Aug 26 2013 12:13PM
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MNS
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 3,241
Grandpa farts at the dinner table, but is too deaf/confused to know what it was or that he farted.

"What was that?!"
Aug 26 2013 12:33PM
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m-tang
Posts: 340 - Karma: 97
"Worshington"
Aug 26 2013 1:01PM
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aflightlessbird
Posts: 508 - Karma: 497
I dont have any living grandpas. And i was too young to remember anything they said. However my crusty cowboy father is full fun sayings: " its raining like a cow pissing on a flat rock" or " its colder than a witches tit ina brass bra" or " if there was anyone mean enough, corrupt enough, and smart enough to change anything in this country it woulda been that b*tch right there!" (In referance to Hillary Clinton) love ya pa.
Aug 26 2013 1:24PM
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Goku
Posts: 8119 - Karma: 4,221
"it's darker than the inside of a billy goat in here"
Aug 26 2013 11:37PM
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JeremyClarkson
Posts: 1599 - Karma: 1,934

My great grandfather was a really great banjo player and would sing old blues tunes. I was like 7 and I remember him singing a song about a plantation owner who loved his "n*gger Jim" and what a good slave he was.

Aug 26 2013 11:59PM
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JahJahBinks
Posts: 3567 - Karma: 460
"Betty, she can't hear a damn thing"
Aug 27 2013 2:38AM
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Abu_Hajaar
Posts: 2747 - Karma: 3,890
"Look at all the n*ggers in the park today"
Aug 27 2013 11:29AM
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Alyon
Posts: 161 - Karma: 166
"This cake is dry"
Aug 27 2013 3:25PM
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skiP.E.I.
Posts: 7605 - Karma: 20,103
"My God a blind man could see that" - looking at an 8x10 photo

"What's an intelligent guy like you doing in the army?"

"Take it we're throwing it out anyway"

"Here today and out the other"
Aug 27 2013 4:12PM
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DMA_Studios
Posts: 464 - Karma: 967
"WHAT? WHAT DID YOU SAY? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND HIM.. SPEAK UP GODDAMMIT." I have to yell at him on the phone while he has speaker on full blast up to his ear.
Aug 27 2013 4:22PM
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987321654hgfd
Posts: 5133 - Karma: 5,447
"(something racist)"
Aug 27 2013 4:23PM
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Mag
Posts: 8155 - Karma: 14,809
I was at my Grandfather's bedside as he passed away, after years of suffering from hereditary alzheimers.




























I'll never remember his last words to me.
Aug 27 2013 4:30PM
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walterson
Posts: 450 - Karma: 2,373
Click for larger image
Aug 27 2013 4:35PM
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MFM
Posts: 842 - Karma: 77
A street in my town is affectionately referred to by him as 'jap camp lane'
He bought a civic and never wants to wear his seatbelt and claims japanese revenge whenever the alarm starts going off "i bet a fuckin zero didn't bitch you out for not wearing a seatbelt"
Aug 27 2013 8:06PM
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