alright, now that i can actually view it:
the titles look really plain. maybe use 3d titles (which you would do with cinema 4d or some related program, then render as an alpha channel so you can drop it over your video clip) if that is too much work maybe change up the font or something
what is iskysoft? that logo at 1:09 kind of wreaks it. the clip was alright,but due to that logo i would maybe consider not using it. it reappears throughout the edit, gives it an unprofessional feel.
i wasnt a huge fan of the song, but thats my opinion. you like it though, so thats not a big deal
and perhaps color correct some of the footage. most video editing software has the ability to color correct. the best program i have found is a plugin for AE called magic bullet.
overall though it was a good edit. you are a LOT better than i was when i was twelve. keep up the good work