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jokes that want to make you throw up...

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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15
what gets louder as it gets smaller?


a babie in a trash compactor



how do you get a babie in a trash can?


a blender...
how do you get it out?

doritos


whats the difference between a bmw and a dead babie?


i dont have a bmwin my garage.
Oct 26 2004 3:11PM
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Ice-Is-Scary
Posts: 0 - Karma: 87
a babie?


We pay our debt sometimes.
Oct 26 2004 3:13PM
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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15
shit hahaha baby
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palabra arriba G!
Oct 26 2004 3:14PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
heard one the other day that made me cringe.

What's blue and purple and yellow and red and sits in the corner?











My nigger, I can paint him any color I want.


life is too short to have any regrets
Oct 26 2004 3:40PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
another bad one I heard playing pool:
How are a cue ball and a Puerto Rican similar?







The Harder you hit 'em the more english you get outta them.


life is too short to have any regrets
Oct 26 2004 3:41PM
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BobYohan
Posts: 3001 - Karma: 375
whats pink and yellow and at the bottom of the pool?

a baby with slashed wings


whats pink and yellow and red and ob the surface of the pool?

wings with a slashed baby


P.O.W.D.E.R.
Playas Of Winter Downhill Expert Riders
Oct 26 2004 4:15PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
ElGato, 'english' in pool is the spin that's put on the cue ball to make it react diffently (english is the general term for draw, follow, side-spin and any combination of them).


life is too short to have any regrets
Oct 26 2004 4:17PM
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$$SPINNERS$$
Posts: 1618 - Karma: 11
'pool shark'
roles royce is a car to be driven in, bently is a car to drive.
Oct 26 2004 5:14PM
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mark.p
Posts: 1422 - Karma: 10
whats 3 feet tall and 8 feet wide??













A baby with a spear through its head
--------------------------------------------------

if your floating down a fiver in a cement canoe, and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

NONE! ice cream doesnt have bones.....
Oct 26 2004 5:15PM
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ECfreeski3
Posts: 12019 - Karma: 125
haha, love the pool one

________________________
-this post dedicated to matt-
'see, this is what's wrong with newschoolers these days, i try to start a shittalking war, and nobody bites the bait'-noteefa
BOYS GONE WILD!
I love Colleen
Oct 26 2004 5:25PM
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DYFI
Posts: 3836 - Karma: 30
what looks in the mirror and shrinks every second??









A baby combing its hair with a potato peeler



'Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and you know how much God hates that' - Ol' Drippy
Oct 26 2004 5:29PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
whats the diffrence between menstral fluid and sand?








I cant garggal sand.
-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
'Humanity needs to stop having relations with it's mother' -a freind on Oedipus Rex.
Oct 26 2004 5:48PM
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skiierman
Posts: 28699 - Karma: -5,563
There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. 'Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today', the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. 'I'm eleven!' the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, 'Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today'.

'Let me give it a guess', grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, 'You're eleven years old'.

'How did you know?' the boy asked.

Grandma replied, 'I heard you tell your father'.



----2ond in Command of DANSA-----

To Huck. v. The act of throwing oneself off of a cornice, cliff, rock, or any other thing that results in an attempt to fly.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Oct 26 2004 6:08PM
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Crystal-needs-a-park
Posts: 9939 - Karma: 15
that gave me a shiver
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You know the Nazis had pieces of flair that they made the Jews wear.

once back when i was a fetus i was aborted. it didn't hurt at all, but i was also high on life at the time. - thisangelicrage
its not rape....its surprise sex. you wake up and SURPRISE you had sex with me haha - huckster989
liberals think killing babies can be both fun and profitable, while conservatives think killing foreigners can be both fun and profitable - ice-is-scary
Oct 26 2004 6:10PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
hahahah sooo dirty. soo good.

-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
'Humanity needs to stop having relations with it's mother' -a freind on Oedipus Rex.
Oct 26 2004 7:15PM
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Bob_Loblaw
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 38
whats the difference between a dead baby and a table?


you cant fuck a table.
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A handjob's the man's job. Yo job's a blowjob.
Oct 26 2004 7:20PM
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shrEddie
Posts: 5117 - Karma: 65
those baby jokes are weird. it doesnt even make me think about laughing

///////////////////
this way is a waterslide away for me to chase her fuller every day

Oct 26 2004 7:25PM
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Ahmets_Brother
Posts: 20283 - Karma: 5,931
ahahahhahaa



dont go to new york. all it has to offer is i love ny stickers
member 9020
newbies are our future unless if we stop them now!
'dont fuck with me cause the last person that fucked with me....well they lived a pretty normal life'- misty7
'ok im gonnago play pocket tanks...the only game that runs on my computer'-cruz
'maybe i shold turn lesbien and get the girls'-misty7
'i can have sex with the snow'-misty7 on how winter will end his lonelyness
Oct 26 2004 7:30PM
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mommy
Posts: 12072 - Karma: 59
skierman, hahahhaha!
Oct 26 2004 7:34PM
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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15
how do you make a baby girl cry twice?








wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear\




whats better than a baby in a trash can?








a baby in 7 trash cans









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palabra arriba G!
Oct 26 2004 7:35PM
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meb9486
Posts: 740 - Karma: 10
whats better then a dumpster full of babies?








watching the one on the bottom eat his way to the top
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'Over time, most people experience life involving love, suffering, compassion and an unspeakable drive for something new...For me there's skiing, nothing more nothing less and it encompasses everything, everyday I'm out there.'
-Pep Fujas-
Oct 26 2004 7:44PM
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soup
Posts: 6320 - Karma: 4,261
haha shit this benbow kid i know made up a whole shitload of dead baby jokes. they are so great.

i used to know one about grilled cheese but i forgot
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ARMADAS ARE THE BEST SKI!!!BUY THEM

ARMADA WEBSITE

And no, I'm not getting photo incentives from those ads. If i wanted to do that, I'd just say 'Rip Curl, Nordica, Marker, Level, Astrix.' See? Now i've made money.' - Brad Holmes to some idiot kid from Potland Maine
Oct 26 2004 7:48PM
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VC
Posts: 1011 - Karma: 12
Whats the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck load of bowling balls?


You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork
Oct 26 2004 8:49PM
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skibrdingbitch
Posts: 3990 - Karma: 20
a conversation i had tonight, i just thought it was sooo funny, both of us were joking around

AnjelicaN23 : ha i love you mike
Muthm11 : thanks
Muthm11: prove it
AnjelicaN23 : how
Muthm11: engrave it in your skull with a brick


And it makes me see, every puff that I breathe, potent herbs and leaves could ease the world . . .
So, We roll and smoke and choke and- pass and toke and hand it back to ya.
Oct 26 2004 8:57PM
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davidh
Posts: 4219 - Karma: 8
I'm am not a racist, but I know a couple extremely racist jokes if you want to hear them. A lot of people on NS will rape me if I dont put out this disclaimer. Do you want to hear em'?
_____________________________________________________________

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
-Dubya.

'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'

'Cocaine is God's way of saying your're making too much money.'
Robin Williams.

'I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.'
Oct 27 2004 2:04AM
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RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
Whats worse than a dead baby in a trash can?

- 10 dead babies in 10 trash cans.


Whats worse than 10 dead babies in 10 trash cans?

- One dead baby in 10 trash cans.




Why did the baby fall out of the tree?

-It was dead.


Why did the koala fall out of the tree?

-It was stapled to the baby.





Why did the girl fall off the swing?

-Because she didnt have any arms!
=================================
Rowen

'Aren't you Buzz Lightyear?'
*whispers* 'I love your movies!'
'URAAAAFWAAAGAAA!!!'
Oct 27 2004 2:24AM
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TheStamos
Posts: 9311 - Karma: 910
yes, we had a racist joke thread going a few weeks ago and it lasted a while.






..Seth Pistols rock my fuckin socks..
Oct 27 2004 2:26AM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
the monkey joke:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was stabled to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Becasue it was stape.led to the second monkey
Why did the 4th monkey fall out of the tree.
Because it was a copycat.
Why did the 5th monkey fall out of the tree, because it was stapled to ta boat.
Why did the 6th monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he heard there was a party on the boat
Why did the 7th monley fall out of the tree?
Because he delivered teh pizza to the boat
WHy did the 8th monkley fall out of the tree?
BEacuse he was stapled to the pizza.
what did the 9th monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was stapled to the 8th monkey.
Why did the 10 monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he heard there was a party on he boat.
Why did the eleventh monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he wasnt drunk at 4:04 am on a tuesday the day befor his incomplete essay was due...
Im not going to lie, the 11th monkey, is actually me.
-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
'Humanity needs to stop having relations with it's mother' -a freind on Oedipus Rex.
Oct 27 2004 2:37AM
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clrumivier4life
Posts: 2429 - Karma: 9
Davidh, make sure you have some jokes about white people to make it politically correct. No one can argue if you're politically correct.


SkeeOrDie: I don't hate boarders, I hate fuckers, and 8-year olds that call everyone nigger face.
Oct 27 2004 5:14AM
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AJ_concepts
Posts: 903 - Karma: 11
what do you call a bunch of blacks standing on stage?


An Auction
*******************************************************
a good friend will always bail you out of jail, a best friend will be sitting there next to you saying that was fucking awsome

time flies like the wind, fruit flies like bananas
Oct 27 2004 5:21AM
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clrumivier4life
Posts: 2429 - Karma: 9
What do you call a black preist?




Holy Shit


SkeeOrDie: I don't hate boarders, I hate fuckers, and 8-year olds that call everyone nigger face.
Oct 27 2004 5:22AM
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asac
Posts: 12485 - Karma: 17
this isn't a joke but i remember seeing this in the news. some lady thought her husband loved their 2 month old baby more than her. so one night she cooked the baby in the oven and served it to him. husband freaked out. the lady is fucking nuts.





---------------------
Good Fun With A Hand Gun.

NO MORE BU** SH**
Oct 27 2004 5:25AM
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davidh
Posts: 4219 - Karma: 8
these are some more toned down jokes than the other ones I was originally going to post. DONT CALL ME A RACIST! THESE ARE JUST JOKES!

what's the difference between and black man and a pizza?

pizza can feed a family of four.



_____________________________________________________________

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
-Dubya.

'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'

'Cocaine is God's way of saying your're making too much money.'
Robin Williams.

'I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example.'
Oct 27 2004 6:16AM
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Ericpbp
Posts: 3161 - Karma: 24
I don't want to throw up

http://www.freeiPods.com/default.aspx?referer=7624380
Oct 27 2004 11:37AM
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proZach
Posts: 7163 - Karma: 917
whats with the staples?





(zach)


help me get an iPod!
Oct 27 2004 1:21PM
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willbski9
Posts: 2014 - Karma: 31
some lady about an hour from here put her children all under 2 in large buckets and filled the buckets wiht concrete and had then for about 2 years untill they were discovered in her house.







a male gynocologist is like an auto machanic who doesnt own a car
Oct 27 2004 1:24PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
oh man... i dont even remember typing that out last night... The staples are thre because they just add an extra level of crappyness to the joke, makiing the joke funnier to some, and worse to others. Besides, Staples are actually comic gold.
-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
'Humanity needs to stop having relations with it's mother' -a freind on Oedipus Rex.
Oct 27 2004 1:41PM
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Enthuzed
Posts: 1919 - Karma: 740
why is there connon on the top ov an advil bottle


so it reminds the niggers they used to pick cotton before they did drugs

why dont sharks eat black people


because they think its whale shit
Rideeast


picture gallery
Oct 27 2004 1:55PM
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dontH8innovate
Posts: 762 - Karma: 10
How many Snowboarders does it take to screw in a light-bulb?


-eleven, one to screw in the light-bulb, ten to say 'i can do that'

How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?


-Let's go fishing

Pre-Paid Plan
A guy goes to a house of prostitution. He selects a girl, pays her $200 up front, and he gets undressed. She's about to take off her sheer blue negligee, when the fire alarms rings!
She runs out of the room, with his $200 still in her hand. He quickly grabs his clothes and runs out after her. He's searching the building, but the smoke gets too heavy, so he runs outside looking for her.

By this time, the firemen are there. He sees one of them and asks, 'Did you see a beautiful blonde, in a sheer blue negligee, with $200 in her hand?'

The fireman says, 'No!'

The guy then says, 'Well if you see her, screw her. It's paid for.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Nobody spends more time on his knees than George W. Bush.' - Shaggy

If you ski in Massachusetts join the Mass-ive Cult, message me and you're in!!!!
Oct 27 2004 2:24PM
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manus
Posts: 1427 - Karma: 10
heard a horrible one last night that made me cringe.

Why do black people only have nightmares?









They killed the last one that had a dream.





and to be fair, I was looking for some horrible jokes about white people and there seems to be very few of them. I mean come on, there has got to be some jokes about white people that are horrible too, god knows white people do enough stupid stuff (and I figured Redneck jokes and whatnot didn't really qualify as cracks against white people).


life is too short to have any regrets
Oct 27 2004 2:52PM
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(Jonesy)
Posts: 2594 - Karma: 20
^ooh, that's probably one of the worst ones i've heard.

'Hey-yo i'm gonna be on ti-dop, that's all my eyes can see, victory is mine, yeah suprisingly, i've been laying, waiting for your next mistake, i put in work, and watch my status escalate.'
Oct 27 2004 3:02PM
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fizzlefry
Posts: 4662 - Karma: 15
theres a black guy and a mexican in a car... whos driving?








the cops.


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palabra arriba G!
Oct 27 2004 3:28PM
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dg101
Posts: 3216 - Karma: 10
thats some fucking funny ass shit
******************
Member of the NS Army

Head mads represent

Remember it's 10% equipment, 90% rider, and 0% what kinda jacket your wearing
Oct 27 2004 4:16PM
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tricksterboardin
Posts: 662 - Karma: 10
tooo funny

Oct 27 2004 7:02PM
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Spam_Man_1500
Posts: 1358 - Karma: 12
WHY DID THE GIRL BRING CHIPS TO THE DANCE CLASS?



























BECAUSE THEY SAID THEre was going to be salsa and dips!!


hahaha i got that off my milk carton
Oct 27 2004 7:09PM
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inverted1440mute
Posts: 93 - Karma: 10
a mexican and a black man fall out of an airplane. who hits the ground first







who cares?


going beyond is as bad as falling short, especially on 70 foot tables.
Oct 27 2004 7:18PM
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genericname
Posts: 808 - Karma: 10
What do you call a barn of antique farm equipment..................


DRINK TILL YOU THROW UP
Oct 27 2004 7:21PM
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skiierman
Posts: 28699 - Karma: -5,563
^ Ummm... I think you fucked that one up.



----2ond in Command of DANSA-----

To Huck. v. The act of throwing oneself off of a cornice, cliff, rock, or any other thing that results in an attempt to fly.

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.
Oct 27 2004 7:41PM
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cobalt
Posts: 1913 - Karma: 12
You guys, don't hate on black people. I got black people in my family tree.

I hung them there myself.



Disclamer: the above was a joke.
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Oct 27 2004 8:06PM
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Ghst
Posts: 5820 - Karma: 10
hahahaha spam man
___________________

We all smoke weed in our igloos, eh? Then we go and play hockey then eat poutines (I'm from a small area of Canada called Quebec) One month a year when there is no snow and some sun we go rollerblading - Markman
Oct 27 2004 8:08PM
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ATLskier
Posts: 8203 - Karma: 406
What's the diference between a mexican and a bucket of sh*t.


























The bucket
Oct 27 2004 8:15PM
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