SarcASStic love poem

If you were corn

                I’d call you maize

Outcry you lost

                I’d seal the maze

When you were raining

                I thought of Mays

If you were homophobe

                I’d send the gays

To look you in the eyes

                And gaily gaze

I’d make you be normal

                To all the gays

If I was a lawyer,

I’d prosecute your case,

They call you Kathy Kate?

                I leave out the K’s

If you gave thumbs ups

                I’d wave OKs

If you were pale

                I’d burn sun rays

My working employee

                Forget about a raise

If you were Steve Erwin

                I’d be sting rays

If you were Canadian

                I’d never ask eh?s

If you were stupid

                I’d make straight As

If you had a King

                I would have an Ace

If you were acidic

                I’d be a base

If you were the peninsulas

                I’d be the bays

You hit a grounder

                And I’m first base

If you were running

                I’d double your pace

Barely breathing?

                I’d stop your pace

If you were Obama care

                I would be copays

If you were Satan

                I’d sing Amazing Grace

You paint with colors

                I color with grays

If you were David Copperfield

                My story — Dorian Gray’s

If you were sober

I’d be blazed

You be Republican

                I still be blazed

If you were Bob Marley

                I wouldn’t be blazed

If you were a pledge

                You’d get hazed

If you hated guitars

                I’d blare Purple Haze

When you’re disoriented

                I am the haze

If you sang out of key,

I probably wouldn’t be there in the first place

If you spun out,

I wouldn’t cheer you on to last place

If you were drunk,

I wouldn’t drive you place to place

But since you’re hot,

You’re welcome to stay at my place.