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Infamous Night Tugger

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.Apex.
Posts: 2097 - Karma: 1,556
So my roommate is a pretty chill guy, but every single fucking night I deal with the same thing.

About 20 minutes after lights out when I suppose he assumes im asleep, which I never am, he starts fappin away with ever movement amplified from the friction against the sheets. It's so fucking obvious and yet all I can do is close my eyes and pretend its not happening.

I just don't understand how he can't tell how obvious it is.

I just need some sort of clever way of deterring this behaviour, I get it we all whack off, but Location Location Location.

help me out NS
Oct 25 2012 12:57AM
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powderdrunkie
Posts: 2034 - Karma: 976
you broke NS for like 5 minutes you little shit
Oct 25 2012 1:06AM
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volvotom
Posts: 2045 - Karma: 712
http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/how-to-stop-your-neighbors-from-having-loud-sex

might apply here
Oct 25 2012 1:07AM
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Forest.
Posts: 329 - Karma: 500
.
Oct 25 2012 1:08AM
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dreadyboy
Posts: 2306 - Karma: 34
Yep,
I had sort of the same thing, cept my roomie would do it like real late at night or in the morning while I was actually sleeping. If I woke up to it I'd put on headphones as quick as possible to not here the noise (mp3 was always in my bed), then I'd like lift my legs up and smash them down and shuffle around a lot to make him think I was getting up. Listen to a song then make more noise randomly. Then I'd fall asleep with my music and hope he didn't start again.
Oct 25 2012 1:20AM
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E__
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 4,633
Just make sex noises.
Oct 25 2012 1:30AM
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cubber
Posts: 1933 - Karma: 638
Make it into a game, see if you can catch his jizz and rub it all over your body
Oct 25 2012 1:35AM
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Jewschoolers
Posts: 1785 - Karma: 1,142
why dont you just man up and tell him to jerk off in the shower or something
Oct 25 2012 1:36AM
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
Just tell him straight up, "Stop fucking masturbating 20 minutes after lights out."

He will stop, and if he ever does it again, he will make sure you aren't there, or asleep.
Oct 25 2012 1:37AM
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cbj
Posts: 2114 - Karma: 1,136
Holy fuck I'm dying
Oct 25 2012 1:39AM
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klayer_9
Posts: 2037 - Karma: 188
This EXACT same thing happen to me with my roommate. I called him out for it cause i was sick of it. He stopped. Thats what the gnar dorm showers are for. (wear sandals)
Oct 25 2012 1:40AM
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fupaface
Posts: 810 - Karma: 449
next time he starts whacking off just say "really dude, again!"
Oct 25 2012 1:42AM
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E__
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 4,633
You should probably go to the hospital then, rather than post on NS. I'm just saying...
Oct 25 2012 1:43AM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
Stop being a passive agressive bag of fuck and stop letting him audibly rape you. You have rights bro, and its not ok that he sexually assaults you every night. Every night you go to bed and he starts rippin on his meat, and there you are in the dark having to hear him pant and moan, all the while your brain is left thinking about his dick getting tugged on by his grubby hands.

You have a couple options OP

1-Cough loudly enough for him to realize youre awake, if hes mid fap, he'll prolly just stop for a minute or 2 until he thinks youre back out. Cough again.

2-Charge at him and urinate on him, this will show dominance and he will only pleasure himself when you allow

3- Start to masturbate also, but much more aggressively and louder. This will confuse him long enough for you to grab a hold of his penis and jerk him off till he finishes. He will now look at you as a sexual dependency (cause youre gonna give him the best damn tugjob hes ever had). He wont be able to rub one out without your help. (Bonus tip, call him out for being gay, after all, he did get a handie from a dude)
Oct 25 2012 1:48AM
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E__
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 4,633
Ask:

"Wutchu thinkin' 'bout?" In a really low soft whisper.
Oct 25 2012 1:49AM
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daannnnieel
Posts: 5163 - Karma: 4,293
overall best post in this thread.

Take all of this advice in the same night.
Oct 25 2012 1:50AM
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[~_~]
Posts: 20239 - Karma: 1,273
Next time wait for him to finish, then nonchalantly hand him a tissue.
Oct 25 2012 1:56AM
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Joebin
Posts: 1664 - Karma: 867
Already had you at 10/10
Oct 25 2012 2:08AM
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will_powder
Posts: 3194 - Karma: 5,445
Should have gotten a single...you had it coming

tee hee
Oct 25 2012 2:09AM
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p-fo
Posts: 9372 - Karma: 6,155
Get a picture of Nicholas Cage, print it big and tape it to a piece of cardboard. Next time you hear him fapping, quietly put it in front of his bunk and turn on the lights.
Oct 25 2012 3:38AM
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geteducated
Posts: 6410 - Karma: 86
dualing banjos, bro!
Oct 25 2012 9:20AM
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Jane6
Posts: 5359 - Karma: 4,505
Click for larger image


I think its obvious what needs to be done here.

phil6x, you are a true american hero.
Oct 25 2012 9:25AM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
Click for larger image

Just doin my job.
Oct 25 2012 10:39AM
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Spinoza
Posts: 12763 - Karma: 3,844
hahahah this is awesome. OP you need to stop this, whether it be in a funny way or just straight up. It would be cool if you started to whisper and coach him on. Maybe he won't realize at first. And also: isn't there a thread from the other dudes perspective that was made last week? Someone find it
Oct 25 2012 10:39AM
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SKI.ING
Posts: 2695 - Karma: 2,535
This is probably the guy from the other thread who wanted to masturbate, but his roommate never left the room.
Oct 25 2012 11:17AM
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Puns
Posts: 2052 - Karma: 429
leave a note on his bed when you're out, he definetly won't bring it up, you can pretend you never talked about it and he will stop
Oct 25 2012 11:56AM
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Bruh
Posts: 20 - Karma: 10
This. Haha the perfect idea
Oct 25 2012 11:59AM
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Phil-X-
Posts: 7205 - Karma: 14,399
Hes getting brave, OP act now.
Oct 25 2012 2:08PM
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.Apex.
Posts: 2097 - Karma: 1,556
Ahaha fucking died
Oct 25 2012 3:53PM
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Pow.yuHdig*
Posts: 1903 - Karma: 146
he totally gets off to you knowing hes doing but not saying anyhting about it

he is showing dominance hes like "this guy such a pussy he wont even tell me to stop wackin off i can do watever i want"
Oct 25 2012 4:22PM
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.Rybak.
Posts: 9017 - Karma: 9,864
So how did everything work out?
Dec 27 2012 6:59PM
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PJS.
Posts: 11943 - Karma: 895
hahahahahahahaha do this, then strip your shirt off, smear your own shit on your chest and roar like a lion.
Dec 27 2012 7:08PM
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UFOsarereal
Posts: 2282 - Karma: 1,109
dead.
Dec 27 2012 7:09PM
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EricaMN.
Posts: 2704 - Karma: 346
Run over and body slam him as soon as he comes, and (assuming he's under his sheets) then make him sleep caked in his jizz
Dec 27 2012 7:20PM
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J-C
Posts: 1138 - Karma: 3,683
take this and pour it into is lotion bottle
Click for larger image

Dec 27 2012 7:31PM
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bighomieflock
Posts: 2040 - Karma: 2,445
Please do this OP.
Dec 27 2012 7:32PM
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MNS
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 3,241
hahahhaa
Dec 27 2012 7:35PM
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Kcin
Posts: 1845 - Karma: 57
If he has any lotion at all replace it with ben gay. Or broken glass
Dec 27 2012 7:48PM
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FLBP
Posts: 1794 - Karma: 310
My room mate did that. One night he was about to head to the showers and I told him to take care of it in there or warn me to go out for a smoke so it wouldn't be akward. He hopped on skype with his girl and tossed me a dime.
Dec 27 2012 7:55PM
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UFOsarereal
Posts: 2282 - Karma: 1,109
dime in what sense?
Dec 27 2012 7:58PM
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FLBP
Posts: 1794 - Karma: 310
Somethin to smoke while he jerked it.
Dec 27 2012 7:59PM
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.Apex.
Posts: 2097 - Karma: 1,556
Well funny story really. When he was out to class I noticed his box of tissues on the far side of his bed against the wall. They were kinda under the bed. So I moved them and I will continue to do so until the difficulty of cleaning oneself post pleasure isnt worth it anymore.
Jan 8 2013 3:08AM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
a few minutes in whipser "make it for me"
Jan 8 2013 11:58AM
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Supergyro
Posts: 797 - Karma: 36
Suck him off bro. Why you gotta be s hardon the guy? Jeezz
Jan 8 2013 12:21PM
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kungfusteeze
Posts: 700 - Karma: 47
OP needs to do all of these, or he is a bitch.
Jan 8 2013 12:21PM
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dique_cheeez
Posts: 61 - Karma: 11
do what phil6x said and and masterbate at the same time as him... just much louder. and keep on saying in a smooth, drag out fashion "cmoooon guy, finishhhh"
Jan 8 2013 12:35PM
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Ski_Alot
Posts: 5884 - Karma: 3,502
step 1: buy whoopie cushion
step 2: squeeze woopie cushion when you think he is going to cum
step 3: ?????
step 4: profit

Jan 8 2013 1:12PM
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Chron_Rabbit
Posts: 988 - Karma: 1,564
if you don't want an awkward situation just write him a note and he'll start stoking his trouser snake on his own time. He's basically fucking your ear pussy with his selfishness. Every man has the right to fall asleep without hearing the sound of fapping!
Jan 8 2013 1:21PM
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theblackrod
Posts: 2162 - Karma: 575
fap louder than him...
Jan 8 2013 1:23PM
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Deluge
Posts: 4398 - Karma: 767
my friends roommate would fap like 3-4 times a day so i squeezed half a tube of icy hot into his lotion and we were walking back to the dorm room and all we hear is screaming from inside and we walk in and he has a towel around his dick yelling that his tip was burning hahahah
Jan 8 2013 1:29PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51257 - Karma: 157,315
only real option in this situation.
Jan 8 2013 1:35PM
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