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Public toilets fucking suck

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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147

Here's the deal...public toilets suck these days.

Had no one ever started this stupid pop-a-squat or toilet-seat-cover trend, we'd have the same clean toilet seats we had for decades.  What diseases did people get from toilet seats? I mean really, were the chances of disease higher than they are today? With pee all over the seats from people squatting, and toilet seat covers spot welded to seats with spattered urine-- often times clogging the toilet entirely. I say, we all get over it, sit on the God damned seat and stop our useless methods of protecting ourselves from cooties.  I used to see clean toilet seats everywhere-- now it's nothing but urine spray and remnants of toilet seat covers.

and also....I'm out of vodka.

Jul 11 2012 2:11AM
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El_Barto.
Posts: 11630 - Karma: 24,465
I pee on the rolls of toilet paper. YOLO
Jul 11 2012 2:14AM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
haha, i guess this was a little female oriented...but...if you're a guy, substitute "taking a pee" with taking a dump.
Jul 11 2012 2:16AM
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baethoven
Posts: 4953 - Karma: 332
Got back from Electric Forest last week. Had to shit 3 times over the 4 days. It's a new record for me at a music festival. My hatred for public restrooms has grown two fold. The things you see / hear while in a festival porto potty...
Jul 11 2012 2:42AM
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Piste.Off
Posts: 11586 - Karma: 1,861
This is what I do in public toilets

http://yppm.removed.us/index.php?vid=01
Jul 11 2012 2:51AM
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scratchproteen
Posts: 5173 - Karma: 286
i lost.
Jul 11 2012 4:09AM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,469
Here's what you gotta do. Get on top of the stall and get one foot on each side. Line 'er up the best you can, and go for gold. Not only do you then avoid the nasty toilet seats, but you prevent the dreaded splash.
Jul 11 2012 8:12AM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
.

pooping while lying down is also pretty cool ....
Jul 11 2012 8:24AM
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cubber
Posts: 1933 - Karma: 638
I poop and pee only while doing jumping jacks or crunches with someone holding my feet
Jul 11 2012 8:35AM
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TimRiley
Posts: 1873 - Karma: 1,327
I always take off my shoes before I go into public toilets so they don't get dirty
Jul 11 2012 9:03AM
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.Hugo.
Posts: 17360 - Karma: 28,469
Is it weird that whenever I poop I have to take me shirt off?
Jul 11 2012 9:13AM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
I cant understand why ladies toilets seats get dirty... how the hell do you miss... you dont have a dick, you sit down and pee down. Girls have it easy in there, stop bitching, sit down, and do your business. We gotta deal with people pissing all over the place in there. Bet you never had someone piss on the flusher...
Jul 11 2012 9:18AM
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Jib-Ninja
Posts: 2819 - Karma: 20
What about us loggers? Hard workin men who like to stand up after taking a poo and turn around and cut their poo in half with their urine.
Jul 11 2012 9:18AM
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Bar_Down
Posts: 5896 - Karma: 395
Guys' washrooms at bars = Piss everywhere. The Male Homosapian's ability to aim is inversely proportional to the amount of drinks he's had.
Jul 11 2012 9:25AM
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2_fadez
Posts: 7780 - Karma: 4,180
use the bathtub
Jul 11 2012 10:15AM
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JzD.
Posts: 1615 - Karma: 153
Click for larger image
Jul 11 2012 11:33AM
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asfdfads
Posts: 1010 - Karma: 279
OP sits when he pees
probably wipes too
Jul 11 2012 12:32PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
OP is a woman.
Jul 11 2012 12:34PM
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CliffyByro
Posts: 5678 - Karma: 3,903
herpaderp
Jul 11 2012 12:34PM
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will-g
Posts: 1031 - Karma: 69
splashback in a portapotty is one of my greatest fears
Jul 11 2012 12:37PM
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will-g
Posts: 1031 - Karma: 69
oh and porta potties arent that bad on the first day of an event but by the end of the weekend, its a different world...
Jul 11 2012 12:38PM
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GORILLA.
Posts: 1112 - Karma: 70
if there's pee on the seat, I just press my ass up against the door and shit.

or sometimes I just shit in my hand and throw it at people.

-GORILLA, OUT.
Jul 11 2012 12:40PM
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yourthemannowdog
Posts: 4541 - Karma: 313
In Tokyo toilets were either a hole in the ground or a fucking robot.

I was a at a bar in Shinjuku and the urinals had a game on a little screen above each urinal. It was a racing game where you had to beat the computer. The catch was, you raced with how fast your stream flows. It gives you real time indicators of how fast you are pissing. I had put down a few beers and some sake. Needless to say, I out pissed a computer hahaha
Jul 11 2012 2:07PM
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TOAST.
Posts: 7267 - Karma: 33,289
america y u no have this.
Jul 11 2012 2:08PM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
first of all the inspiration for this thread came from a unisex bathroom, so we have to deal with spray all over from both sexes. But...womens seats get dirty because they all squat to avoid the toilet seat and end up spraying all over the seat. This is my point. Women in womens restrooms should just sit the fuck down.
Jul 11 2012 2:15PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
ahhh.. I could see your frustration with a unisex bathroom. I still do not understand why women feel the need to squat in the ladies room... And I dont want to know the answer to this, but how the hell does it spray everywhere.. its not just a stream??

Jul 11 2012 2:17PM
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Fun_dip
Posts: 2623 - Karma: 913
hahahha. I have always wanted to do that!
Jul 11 2012 2:19PM
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bakedpow
Posts: 8770 - Karma: 10,462
Then you would hate public porta potties at a music festival. those things get rraaaaannnnnkkkkkk. especially the ones inside the venue.
Jul 11 2012 2:22PM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147

there's a acouple of ways, I'll give you the milder of the two....they squat too high because they're either lazy, their quads are too weak, or they're in a awkward stall, so there's a several foot gap between them and the bowl making them less accurate, and making any spray coming off from the side of a fast/heavy stream just splatter onto the seats.

The other way you don't want to hear.

Jul 11 2012 2:24PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
you built it up.. i wanna know now, but I know I dont want to know.
Jul 11 2012 2:30PM
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bakedpow
Posts: 8770 - Karma: 10,462
Well shucks, now youve got me interested.
Jul 11 2012 2:31PM
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Sno.
Posts: 12155 - Karma: 6,147
well im pretty sure overweight women need to spread their thighs/cheeks when they pee or it ends up on their ass/thighs and then just sort of drips off everywhere--but when overweight women hover/squat they need their hands to support them on the walls so they're unable to spread with their hands.  I'd like to say that this is an hypothesis but I've definitely shared many a bathroom with other women in crowded bars and you see some shit. pun unintended.
Jul 11 2012 2:35PM
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GORILLA.
Posts: 1112 - Karma: 70
womens bathrooms sound complicated. I just unleash my penis and hope for the best.

-GORILLA, OUT.
Jul 11 2012 2:46PM
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E__
Posts: 5751 - Karma: 4,633
At least he's hydrated.
Jul 11 2012 2:52PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
Click for larger image
Jul 11 2012 2:57PM
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Pow.yuHdig*
Posts: 1903 - Karma: 146
hahaha YOLO
Jul 11 2012 3:30PM
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meth_man
Posts: 530 - Karma: 1,508
[youtube]w6C9RBMCJOY[/youtube]
Jul 11 2012 4:04PM
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meth_man
Posts: 530 - Karma: 1,508
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6C9RBMCJOY
Jul 11 2012 4:05PM
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pmsnow
Posts: 992 - Karma: 87
The worst is pooping and your dong touching porcelain or the water.
Jul 11 2012 4:26PM
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theBearJew
Posts: 10951 - Karma: 15,633
I missed...


Mommy I made Poopy!
Jul 11 2012 4:30PM
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snowbombz
Posts: 2456 - Karma: 96
CALLOUT: ski.the.yeast

ski.the.yeast told me he would guard the door-less stall in the public restrooms at Gasworks Park in Seattle. I was taking a shit and he just fucking left. I barely had time to wipe before a group of kids ran in.
Jul 11 2012 4:41PM
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elemeno89
Posts: 1582 - Karma: 79
dude. what is that. thats gross! hahahahahaha
Jul 11 2012 4:47PM
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I_Am_Mod
Posts: 13214 - Karma: 3,753
a friend of mine scored a summer job cleaning portapotties at a festival ...
now i would do a lot of gross stuff for money but i don't think i'd ever want to clean portapotties ...

except maybe in a drysuit with a diving mask and a pressurewasher, not like my friend with a disinfecting spray and wet wipes ...
Jul 11 2012 5:01PM
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@skiinmitch
Posts: 2781 - Karma: 78
when i was down in the dominican i have never seen a bathroom as bad as the one at the bar i went to for a night. It was a sick bar on the beach also. but the bathroom's door didnt lock so you had to chill there with one hand on the door at all times. the sink was smashed to bits and there was blood all over the wall. there was also some blood on the toilet seat and the flush didnt work on the toilet so there was just mass amounts of shit and piss everywhere in the bathroom as soon as i got out of the bath room i had to run and jump into the ocean i felt so disgusted and dirty. by far the most disgusting bathroom i have ever been in.
Jul 11 2012 5:08PM
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theabortionator
Posts: 51263 - Karma: 157,455
dildos = this thread
Jul 11 2012 5:11PM
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Blake.P
Posts: 9894 - Karma: 3,585
i have to clean bathrooms at the grocery store that i work at. besides the occasional shit stain inside the bowl, and the frequent little pool of piss below the urinal, guys bathrooms are relatively clean.

women's rooms, on the other hand, are fuckin disgusting. its common for there to be dried piss, shit and blood on the undersides of the toilet seat. i dont get it, how the fuck does it get on the bottom of the toilet seat?

fuck i hate my job
Jul 11 2012 5:18PM
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@skiinmitch
Posts: 2781 - Karma: 78
i cant even quote that picture since it s so disgusting.
Jul 11 2012 5:20PM
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yourthemannowdog
Posts: 4541 - Karma: 313
For my cousin's graduation present we went to the mandarin oriental for lunch, it's a really nice 5 star luxury hotel in Ginza. The bathrooms on the top floor have a view of ALL of Tokyo. The urinal is right up against the glass. It was the most fantastic piss I have ever taken
Jul 11 2012 6:49PM
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qeefmasterflex
Posts: 662 - Karma: 1,520
everyone in my neighborhood has been throwing M80's in port-a-potties and  anything near it smells like death
Jul 11 2012 7:50PM
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