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ahaha. plus I think DVR and TIVO were specifically designed with bowel movements in mind.
I wouldn't know, though. I'm a girl and do not take shits.
I work construction, so any shit I have to take at work is bad timing because I have to shit in a nasty ass honey bucket. But one time I was trying to fart like 15 minutes into my shift, and just blasted a bunch of watery shit mixture by accident instead. I went into the honey bucket for like a half hour trying to clean it up and assess whether or not I should just go home. Long story short I ditched my shit stained underwear, wiped down my legs and ass as best I could and toughed it out for the next 7 hours, but the chaffe was unbearable.
There was only one fight in middle school as far as I knew, but I was in the shitter when it went down at lunch and would have had a front row seat had I not been in the can.