They suck. Never thought I'd find myself venting on NS about this because I'm relatively pretty damn positive... but sometimes you just hit those days when a lot of other stuff is stressing you out and you just really start to dwell on it.
I was diagnosed with a condition of the central nervous system (all my nerves are basically fucked) when I was 17 so I have a lot of health issues... Started developing tumors in my lower back in Feb of 09' and they just keep coming back. Going to be going under for my 3rd surgery coming up here.
I've just been really sick (passing out a lot, etc) and in a lot of pain lately and it's scary you know? And then I get so stoked to go out and ride and then once I'm out I realize I can't do the things I use to. Like 19 to 55 in two years. I feel like an ass going through the park not hitting the 20+ ft jumps. I've always been the one to not care what people think but it's been so different when no one around me can see how sick I am.
When you get such a devastating diagnosis at such a young age (or any age) you really have to go through a grieving process. I was about to graduate and go to college and my doctors were telling me I'd be sick and in pain the rest of my life. It really fucks your life plans up. I use to think about what my life was going to be like 20-30 or even 40 years from now... What it would be like living with something like this. Now that I have these tumors I realize how petty that was... because now I worry about how I'm going to live the rest of my life having surgery every year to remove another tumor.
I just really hate it sometimes. It's degrading. Cool story bro.
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