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JalmarKalmar
April, 2024

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So I was told today...

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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
IF YOU WERE HALF THE MAN HE WAS YOUD BE TEN UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT
Dec 17 2011 11:19PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
THE REMOTE WAS TOO FAR FROM THE COUCH, SO I JUST BOOFED IT
Dec 17 2011 11:20PM
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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
I THOUGHT SHE WAS A REALTOR, NEEDLESS TO SAY I GOT OUT ALIVE
Dec 17 2011 11:21PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
IF YOU WERE 21 THEN ID BE A CAT
Dec 17 2011 11:22PM
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SeanTom
Posts: 7936 - Karma: 1,747
you two are cute <3
Dec 17 2011 11:23PM
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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
I DIDN'T KNOW WE HAD POPTARTS, SO I TOLD HER I WAS CANADIAN
Dec 17 2011 11:23PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
SO I TOLD REBECCA TO GET OUT OF THE CAR, I WAS OVEWHELMED WITH THE SOUNDS OF MY RIPPING UNDERPANTS
Dec 17 2011 11:25PM
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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
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Dec 17 2011 11:28PM
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Jthoms
Posts: 201 - Karma: 13
I'm confused...is this some sort of inside joke. am i retarded... what...I... these jokes they make no
Dec 17 2011 11:28PM
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Parks.
Posts: 5612 - Karma: 1,093
Hahahah that's sooo funny...why would u do that??
Dec 17 2011 11:29PM
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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
AS A CHILD I WAS TOLD TO TALK LESS AND THE EGGOS ARE TOASTED
Dec 17 2011 11:30PM
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PeterWojnar
Posts: 3937 - Karma: 678
I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!
Dec 17 2011 11:32PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA, ALL OF YOUR DREAMS WILL CONE TRUE
Dec 17 2011 11:32PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
WHAT IS THE SIGNIFICANCE OF CHEESE WIZ
Dec 17 2011 11:34PM
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Pool.
Posts: 2820 - Karma: 662
Dec 17 2011 11:35PM
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11986 - Karma: 12,239
I am potato
Dec 17 2011 11:38PM
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1337
Posts: 31039 - Karma: 29,013
now youre getting it, like a horseradished pickle
Dec 17 2011 11:40PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
TODAY I FOUND OUT THAT LADY GAGA IS MY MOTHER, MY NAME IS NOW ADOLPH
Dec 17 2011 11:40PM
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soulskier
Posts: 17805 - Karma: 3,821
i am so lost
Dec 17 2011 11:42PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
IN WITH THE GRAPES OUT WITH THE TELEPHONE
Dec 17 2011 11:44PM
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Jthoms
Posts: 201 - Karma: 13
WAFFLES ARE DELICIOUS, SO I STUDIED HARD
amidoinitright
Dec 17 2011 11:46PM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
IN THE GAME OF REVENGE WE ALL KNOW IT'S THE FRAY
Dec 17 2011 11:49PM
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Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,168
IF ONE SEEKS WHAT CANT BE FOUND, TAKE IT OUT BACK WITH OL MAN SALLY
Dec 17 2011 11:50PM
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a_pla5tic_bag
Posts: 9210 - Karma: 5,357
I LIVE IN A GIANT BUCKET
Dec 17 2011 11:53PM
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a_pla5tic_bag
Posts: 9210 - Karma: 5,357
I LIVE IN A GIANT BUCKET
Dec 17 2011 11:53PM
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terrible_skier
Posts: 2066 - Karma: 226
I ATE A TACO ONCE SO IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
Dec 17 2011 11:54PM
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steezeeepolizeee
Posts: 8756 - Karma: 796
CONNOR!
Dec 17 2011 11:57PM
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ORDEAL
Posts: 6386 - Karma: 75
ONE CANNOT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORODOR
Dec 18 2011 12:00AM
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Olimar
Posts: 3535 - Karma: 4,070
IF YOU PADDLING UP STREAM IN A CANNOE AND A WHEELE FALLS OFF, HOW MANY FLAPJACKS ARE IN THE DOG HOUSE?
Dec 18 2011 12:01AM
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PeterWojnar
Posts: 3937 - Karma: 678
Stolen from an old post on NS, which read "If you're flying south in a cement canoe and one of the wheels falls off, how many flapjacks does it take to shingle a doghouse?"
Dec 18 2011 12:04AM
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Raz.
Posts: 7456 - Karma: 1,611
fuck everything else in this thread. I just want to know why you remember that word for word.
Dec 18 2011 12:07AM
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act.resist
Posts: 8875 - Karma: 513
ARE YOU AUSTRIAN, NO IM RUBBING MY BELLYBUTTON
Dec 18 2011 12:08AM
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pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
NONE BECAUSE ICE CREAM DOESNT HAVE BONES
Dec 18 2011 12:10AM
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terrible_skier
Posts: 2066 - Karma: 226
SOMETIMES THERE ARE CAUSE I FLEW TO RUSSIA AFTER HARDBALL
Dec 18 2011 12:11AM
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PeterWojnar
Posts: 3937 - Karma: 678
AT THE CRACK OF DAWN WHEN THE ROOSTER EATS HIS VIOLIN
Dec 18 2011 12:13AM
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Mister.F
Posts: 1206 - Karma: 169
WHEN THE DISHWASHER BREAKS CALL MARTHA AND MAKE HER EAT CORNDOGS IN THE GARAGE
Dec 18 2011 12:26AM
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TACO-DOG.exe
Posts: 11986 - Karma: 12,239
I can potato. Want me to show you how?
Dec 18 2011 12:27AM
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gus555
Posts: 4170 - Karma: 34
WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY IF YOU RUN FAST YOU CAN CATCH HIM.
Dec 18 2011 12:27AM
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whoa-dere
Posts: 10596 - Karma: 7,100
I NEED TO PUT THE SAFETY BAR DOWN
Dec 18 2011 1:41AM
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LDV
Posts: 516 - Karma: 25
*PARTY BAR
Dec 18 2011 1:42AM
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.Emerson.
Posts: 1548 - Karma: 16
I do not like the picture at all, — in fact I cannot find words to express how much I dislike it.

You were never physically attractive to me; you are neither graceful nor beautiful, and you evidently know nothing of the laws or properties of beauty. Otherwise you could not have sent me such a picture, as it could only disgust me.

Whatever liking I have had for you, it has never been of such a character that I could be otherwise than disgusted by such a picture as that. It is unutterably coarse and gross and beefy. It is simply unendurable.

Not that I object to low dresses — or even to an utter absence of dress, when the unveiling reveals attractions which the eye of the artist loves as something shapely and beautiful. I have an instinctive and cultivated knowledge of what physical beauty is, and anything in direct violation of my taste and knowledge — like your picture, — simply sickens me. I have studied every limb and line in the bodies of fifty young women, and more; and know what form is and beauty is. You must not think me a fool. You are a fine woman in regard to health and strength; you are not a handsome or even a tolerably good looking woman physically, and your picture is simply horrible, horrible, horrible.

This is plain speaking; but I think it is necessary for you. You cannot make yourself physically attractive to me. Don't try. I am an artist, a connoisseur, a student of beauty, and it is very hard to please me. Don't disgust me, please —

Yours truly,

L. Hearn.
Dec 18 2011 1:59AM
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ILLinoisance
Posts: 3527 - Karma: 5,398
DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING THAT YOU BREATHE. YOU GET A PARKING VIOLATION AND A MAGGOT ON YOUR SLEEVE.
Dec 18 2011 2:10AM
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Parrish
Posts: 8695 - Karma: 1,008
THIS HAS GONE TO FAR, KEEP THIS SHIT IN THE SKYPE CALL YOU TWO LOVEBIRDS

damn you, Amanda and James.
Dec 18 2011 2:17AM
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yuck
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 2,090
SO SHAVE YOUR FACE WITH SOME MACE IN THE DARK
Dec 18 2011 9:41AM
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TechnoPotamus
Posts: 11626 - Karma: 3,522
SUCKIN ON MY TITTIES LIKE YOU WANTED ME CALLIN ME
Dec 18 2011 10:25AM
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caturdaze
Posts: 338 - Karma: 12
I WAS TIRED SO I CAME OUT OF MY CAR AND FED MY CAT
HE JUST BARKED
Dec 18 2011 10:36AM
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.frenchy
Posts: 18212 - Karma: 12,259
LOL RELATIONSHIPS OVER THE INTERNETS ARE SO FUCKING DOPE
Dec 18 2011 10:42AM
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yeahno
Posts: 4008 - Karma: 3,414
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Dec 18 2011 10:42AM
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.frenchy
Posts: 18212 - Karma: 12,259
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Dec 18 2011 10:45AM
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EastCoast315
Posts: 3136 - Karma: 137
DID YOU GET THE CAT NEUTERED? NO I DID COKE OFF A FILIPINO BITCHES COLLARBONE
Dec 18 2011 10:45AM
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Deluge
Posts: 4398 - Karma: 767
I FOUGHT A BEAR ONE, BUT THESE FISH STICKS ARE HARD AS TITS
Dec 18 2011 10:53AM
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