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Having read it, allow me to criticize it. Or rather, paraphrase it. In some areas I might be a bit sarcastic... but the fact that it's hard to tell when should give you some idea as to how much weight you should give Fox News on this. This is long, by the way, but not nearly as long as the original.
I. End of the Saddam Regime.
Here we have a rehashing of what we were told BEFORE the war. Saddam had dangeous weapons during the gulf war, and we don't know what happened to them. They claimed to have destroyed them. We still can't find them.
Saddam was a bad guy and our inavasion was warranted, because he burnt down some swampland in the south which is supposedly where the Garden of Eden was. Apparently this biblical theory has some relevance as to why it was a good thing that war was waged. He drove many people out of this swampland by diverting streams and such until the area was less hospitable. We're not going to give you any context as to why these streams were diverted or some brush was burned, we'll just let you assume it was done for no reason whatsoever. Or you could assume he was evil. That would be even better. Either way, we're leaving you in the dark on this one.
Also, a lot of people died in Iraq before we got there. We found them in mass graves. You already knew this, we're just summing it up and putting the word 'Saddam' in conjunction with 'Murdered' and 'Mass Graves' to make him seem even more evil than he already does. This isn't necessary, since you all knew he was evil, but it wouldn't be propaganda if we didn't hammer it into your skull.
But lastly, and most disturbingly (as you can tell, since we're putting this last), Saddam smuggled oil out of the country. This made oil prices go up for YOU. It cost YOU money. Because of this, YOU should be glad we sent troops over there. Now we have access to oil, and things will be cheaper for YOU. Doesn't that sound nice? Don't you just love Bush now?
II Human Rights
We instituted some new prisoners' rights that weren't there before, and changed the setup of the courts so that they're independent of government ministries. We decided this was really the way to go... we could have left it up to the Iraqi people to decide how their justice system was to be set up, and given them that self-determination we're always prattling on about, but let's face it, they really don't know what's good for them.
Before we invaded, a Ministry of Information regulated what was printed in Iraq. They also controlled all of 5 newspapers and the TV news. Kinda like the CBC in Canada (who we should invade next). We're not going to tell you to what extent this control was exercised, or how many other newspapers there were that weren't controlled by the ministry. That, you see, would not make the case we're putting forward look so good. Anyways, after we seized control, we counted 120 independent newspapers in circulation. We decided to forcibly shut down three of these because they printed anti-coalition materials that we found threatening... but at least we didn't kill the editors, so we're better than Saddam was. And we're still not going to tell you how many of these papers there were before.
III Quality of life
The quality of life in Iraq has improved substantially. You can tell, because the olympic ban has been lifted, so now their athletes can compete, and Iraqi citizens can watch them on their TVs in their homes. Well, many of those homes were destroyed to grant the Iraqis the privelige of competing in the olympics, but it was worthwhile. Also, many, many reconstruction projects have begun, allowing US corporations like Halliburton to make vast sums of money, especially if they overcharge for those projects. This is good for America, because America is all about big business. If you don't agree, it doesn't matter, because you're poor so you aren't important.
We also gave Iraq a bill of rights. Again, we instituted it and decided on what peoples' rights should be, because Iraqis don't have the capacity to make these decisions for themselves. Then we repaired some schools and raised teacher salaries, so schools are better off... especially since we rewrote all of the primary and secondary school textbooks, and printed 9 billion new ones. This was done with taxpayer money. Before, few students had textbooks. Now that we've printed all these new ones and changed all of the content, they can all read what we want them to.
We changed the entire health care system from hostpital-oriented to clinic-oriented without really consulting anyone, because, as we've already said, we know what's best for these people. Doctors make more money, hospitals have internet, new vaccinations are available... all in all, it's a lot more like the US health system, which is good, because we all know how great health care is doing in the US.
IV Economy
We've changed the currency system from 2 currencies to just one. This money is more durable. See, we've already improved the economy: it's harder to tear their worthless banknotes in half! But who cares about that, really. What you want to know about is the oil. That affects YOU. Well, we have good news; production is up to where it was before the war. This doesn't explain the rising cost of oil in general, but trust our sources. Trust them without reservation.
Iraqis also have better access to electricity now. It operates for most of the day! Cities will also become more sanitary once we clean out all the corpses.
MILITARY STORIES
Now, for your reading pleasure, we're going to offer you a whole bunch of propaganda about our glorious troops and how proud we all should be that they fought for us. This has nothing whatsoever to do with improvements to Iraq, but that's not the point; the point is, extreme nationalism is the new form of patriotism. You should be crying with pride and saluting the flag as you read about our soldiers. In an effort to keep this SOMEwhat on topic, the soldiers will spend some time discussing how much better a place Iraq was since they got there and bombed all those folks. We're not going to offer any different opinions, because it would hurt our case to allow anyone who can find ways in which the country has declined (ie: dead bodies and rubble) to speak. That would be reporting the news, and we can't have that... we're FOX. They're just going to restate a bunch of the things we've already talked about here, but because they said it, you can't question them. They're our troops, and they need our support. Implying that they might be mistaken amounts to treason. So shut up, listen, and accept whatever we tell you, because we're Fox, and you'll believe what we WANT you to believe.
In conclusion, Vote Christ / Cheney '04. Oh, whoops, that should be Bush. Our mistake, they're just so similar, you know?
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In a haze
A stormy haze
I’ll be around
I’ll be loving you
Always
Always
Here I am
And I’ll take my time
Here I am
And I’ll wait in line
Always
Always...
