Member of the Month

theabortionator
April, 2025

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

How to prepare for the rapture.

profile picture
pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
well, as you all know, the rapture is coming tomorow.

i found this news article that i think you might want to take a look at, its just a good thing to do so you end up wondering what to do tomorow in the face of god or whatever.


http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/punctuated-equilibrium/2011/may/20/2
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,367
1. it's the zombie apocolypse
2. make your team, it will decide wheather you live or die
3. TEAM GOLD PAVILLION FOR SURVIVALE
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
neutralzombie
Posts: 8629 - Karma: 606
1. switch to hinduism
2. get a jesus is my homeboy tattoo
3. masturbate and say "OH GOD" while i finish
4. sleep through sabbath
5. fornicate on my parents bed
6. squish a bug, or cap a g. *shrug*
7. cheat on my s.o.
8. "borrow" something i plan to never return
9. punch my neighbor
10. go window shopping

Click for larger image
wake up sunday ready to party all over again because monday's a canadian holiday and it's FRIDAY


?

oh, profit of course.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,367
I'll meet you hell.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
neutralzombie
Posts: 8629 - Karma: 606
will you supply the booze?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Relish_man
Posts: 5386 - Karma: 551
1.Buy a shitload of blow-up dolls
2.Fill them with helium
3.Let them float up into the sky wilst other shit themselves
4.?????
5.PROFIT
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,367
Fuck yeah I will.

14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
jfxphoto
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 2,346
HAHAHHA

That article is hilarious by the way.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
T.L.
Posts: 4731 - Karma: 3,017
you have to make sure that you leave clothing scattered about though. 
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Willgum
Posts: 3254 - Karma: 3,066
Prom is tonight. The question is: if its your last night on earth, you might as well bang as many chicks as possible, even if its against their consent. But then you might not float into the sky caused you sinned, leaving you on earth to deal with pregnancies/stds/lawsuits/ the devil. Hmm
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
PagesHouse
Posts: 6024 - Karma: 104
and you'll still be a douche bag.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
neutralzombie
Posts: 8629 - Karma: 606
:)
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
DrZoidberg
Posts: 5676 - Karma: 4,299
Click for larger image
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Cincher
Posts: 3409 - Karma: 550
Anyone down for take-my-v-card-because-the-world-is-ending sex?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Backyard.Skier
Posts: 5397 - Karma: 1,498
of course
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
belden...
Posts: 2914 - Karma: 1,274
this would actually be true cuz if god actually did start killing people left and right and deciding on heaven or hell, hell would just be a fucking party. Think about all the people that would be in hell... sure abunch of fucking wierdos but probably abunch of party animals as well...
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,169
Ya it would be dope as fuck.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
.Blake.
Posts: 1911 - Karma: 38
Just make sure you're not that guy in front of the computer with your pants at your ankles
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
steep
Posts: 6063 - Karma: 298
Click for larger image lmfao
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
.Tom.
Posts: 1177 - Karma: 910
Click for larger image
Click for larger image
Click for larger image
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Elg
Posts: 2998 - Karma: 3,881
i got the blow-up doll, now where the hell do i get helium from?!
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
j.saaaarela
Posts: 1859 - Karma: 856
i could use some of that as well. but wait.... its a sin to have sex before marriage, so that would mean I wouldn't get raptured....
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
GayWolf420
Posts: 38066 - Karma: 129,412
Orgy? I'm not dying a virgin.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
j.saaaarela
Posts: 1859 - Karma: 856
in heaven, if we all get raptured. well, if we don't get raptured then that could work anyway :D
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
lanny94
Posts: 1374 - Karma: 165
omg amazing fuckin idea where can i get blow-up dolls other than a porn store
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
GayWolf420
Posts: 38066 - Karma: 129,412
Rapture has already taken its first victim. RIP Randy "The Macho Man" Savage.
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,062
going buckwild tonight.

if i die, look up Anathema in heaven's phonebook.

actually, that might be a little contradictory. i dont think god would allow the use of that word in his domain..

hmmmmmm
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Cincher
Posts: 3409 - Karma: 550
wut

How did he die?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Bodhisattva_
Posts: 5749 - Karma: 2,009
I do this every weekend?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
.Tom.
Posts: 1177 - Karma: 910
OMG THERE'S FIRE EVERYWHERE!!! I CAN HEAR DEAD PEOPLE BEATING DOWN MY DOOR, OH, OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOOANSJDKBLAksfbjaksjv . zv,n \,v:
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
a_pla5tic_bag
Posts: 9244 - Karma: 5,683
apparently he hit a tree in his car after suffering a heart attack at the wheel.
so did he do steroids?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
Bodhisattva_
Posts: 5749 - Karma: 2,009
Are you afraid to go into a porn store?
14 years ago
0 0
profile picture
KillaSeason
Posts: 3495 - Karma: 1,774
ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
14 years ago
0 0
All times are Eastern (-4); Currently it's 5:42PM