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Things not to do at Church?

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HomieJon
Posts: 621 - Karma: 134

So my family decided to go to church for Christmas. Normally only my mom and sister go. They forced the rest of the family to go. To spice things up, i brought a fake blond mustache. I put it on when we got in.(looked like a pornstar) Turns out it was disrepectful, and ended up getting yelled at at the end by my mommy, and one of my teachers?

So, What else can't you do in church?

Dec 25 2010 12:20PM
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pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
masturbate
Dec 25 2010 12:21PM
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I.B
Posts: 8137 - Karma: 24,354
Well you can't crack open a can of Coor's.

You also can't afterbang when you recieve the body of christ thats a no-no
Dec 25 2010 12:21PM
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Deezy
Posts: 4580 - Karma: 1,004
drink that blood stuff then pretend ur drunk...
or play with magnets
or take money from that plate they hand around
big no-nos
Dec 25 2010 12:29PM
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the_moderaper
Posts: 2465 - Karma: 218
lets see...

secks
sleep
burp
loud fart (silents are OK as long as they're covert enough)
dance to the music
call the person next to you 'nigga' as you great them
beat it
jerk it
choke it
strangle it
masturbate
shout 'WORD!' instead of amen
heavyhead when you bow your head


Its pronounced GOD not Jah
Dec 25 2010 12:32PM
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Afeld
Posts: 3516 - Karma: 84
Oh you should have said "Christ had a beard and a mustache and I just wanted to be closer to him on his birthday?
Dec 25 2010 12:32PM
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neutralzombie
Posts: 8629 - Karma: 606
fart and burp, randomly laugh out loud. random amens or whatnots if youre at one of those quiet churches. anyways.
Dec 25 2010 12:33PM
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Mr.Turtle
Posts: 3690 - Karma: 96
so thats why I kept getting dirty looks..
Dec 25 2010 12:35PM
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saucybiscuits
Posts: 2554 - Karma: 173
went to church at Notre Dame last night......... had to leave because i almost threw up on the floor.
Dec 25 2010 12:41PM
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KrazyistKarl
Posts: 1725 - Karma: 599
see the girl from the bar the night before with what appears to be her bf, which was not previously mentioned that night
Dec 25 2010 12:49PM
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TheHamburglar
Posts: 3895 - Karma: 3,314
going with this, no smoking weed in church.
Dec 25 2010 1:05PM
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Shredability
Posts: 2756 - Karma: 501
Don't get the order wrong when they say

"god created man"

Even though we all know that's the wrong way around
Dec 25 2010 1:09PM
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laxstar
Posts: 1051 - Karma: 11
macho man randy savage impersinations.... OOHHHH YEEEAAAHHHH
Dec 25 2010 1:11PM
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Deezy
Posts: 4580 - Karma: 1,004
common misconception
Dec 25 2010 1:11PM
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YourBoyBlue
Posts: 213 - Karma: 10
Depends what church you go to...some churches are slack and they'll let you do like 80% of the things that have been mentioned haha
Dec 25 2010 1:16PM
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morpheus
Posts: 150 - Karma: 15
hahaha great list... +k
Dec 25 2010 1:29PM
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spidey
Posts: 347 - Karma: 22
DONT bring a laser pointer. that was bad.
Dec 25 2010 1:40PM
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gustafari
Posts: 726 - Karma: 50
I did exactly that last night
Dec 25 2010 1:59PM
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Fish_Sandwich.
Posts: 9108 - Karma: 16
Your family sucks if they make you go to church
Dec 25 2010 2:15PM
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coopsteeez
Posts: 185 - Karma: 11
smoke bombs...
standing next to the priest and yelling "HE TOUCHED ME!"
Dec 25 2010 4:02PM
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DUKES
Posts: 5149 - Karma: 686
don't afterbang the nuns
Dec 25 2010 4:03PM
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egg.
Posts: 3231 - Karma: 3,477
smoke crack
Dec 25 2010 4:06PM
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Skierguy1234
Posts: 1684 - Karma: 88
yeah, maybe after 9/11 when everyone got so sensitive... thanks bin laden.
Dec 25 2010 4:36PM
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the_moderaper
Posts: 2465 - Karma: 218
YOUR REFRENCES
THEY PLEASE ME
Dec 25 2010 4:38PM
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iSmokeweed
Posts: 4793 - Karma: 1,370
when they show a picture of jesus, dont yell out that its actually tom wallisch
Dec 25 2010 4:46PM
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naturday
Posts: 493 - Karma: 238
I always fall asleep and snore, I cant help it.
Dec 25 2010 4:48PM
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Emma_Watson
Posts: 4483 - Karma: 6,662
hahaha, it's all quiet, and you hear a snap in the back of the church.
Dec 25 2010 4:57PM
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daskis
Posts: 1828 - Karma: 356
I made out in the balcony at church before. He was a good kisser. :)
Dec 25 2010 6:12PM
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HomieJon
Posts: 621 - Karma: 134
That was you?
Dec 25 2010 6:17PM
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daskis
Posts: 1828 - Karma: 356
Yup.
Dec 25 2010 6:37PM
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DERS.
Posts: 6299 - Karma: 1,293
have sex with your cousin
pee in a girls butt
poop all over your girlfriends chest

just a few of many...
Dec 25 2010 6:39PM
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iSmokeweed
Posts: 4793 - Karma: 1,370
.
Dec 25 2010 6:49PM
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Tall_Paul
Posts: 958 - Karma: 57
piss in the holy water font...
Dec 25 2010 6:53PM
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cwillygood
Posts: 6831 - Karma: 1,829
haha i chuckled
Dec 25 2010 7:05PM
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pmw
Posts: 5760 - Karma: 829
wow, not only are you a rebel, you are also a martyr to all other 13 year olds out there sticking it to their parents.
do you feel cool that you stressed your alliance to the atheist faith by disrespecting your whole family in public at their place of worship?

Dec 25 2010 7:07PM
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nikkib.
Posts: 346 - Karma: 268
hahahahha all this
Dec 25 2010 7:10PM
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Commonwealth
Posts: 3729 - Karma: 11
Entertaining, and somewhat relevant, blog post:

http://nyc.barstoolsports.com/random-thoughts/your-official-guide-to-getting-through-mass-when-you-only-go-to-church-twice-a-year/
Dec 25 2010 7:10PM
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207
Posts: 8969 - Karma: 3,846
Well everyone's saying no beer or weed...one time I went to church and the priest gave this sermon (speech/lecture) about how god approves of alcohol and that god may have light up once or twice in his day to escape. It was awesome
Dec 25 2010 8:39PM
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Seany.n
Posts: 459 - Karma: 467
dont jib the alter
Dec 25 2010 8:46PM
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Broseph_Stalin
Posts: 3745 - Karma: 177
tap the cross?
Dec 25 2010 10:48PM
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jibking1212
Posts: 807 - Karma: 50

Dont draw little pictures of elephants taking a poop on the pieces of paper in front of the alters. My dad did that once. i laughed

Dec 25 2010 10:56PM
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jibking1212
Posts: 807 - Karma: 50
sorry false...it was a picture of a chicken..pretty funny doodle
Dec 25 2010 11:03PM
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304NordMan
Posts: 2980 - Karma: 521

haha, fantastic

Dec 25 2010 11:04PM
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SkiThe603
Posts: 5376 - Karma: 498
don't ever say that Jesus is a figment of their imagination, they will try to burn you do death with torches
Dec 25 2010 11:04PM
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Fish_Sandwich.
Posts: 9108 - Karma: 16
WIN!!!

/thread
Dec 25 2010 11:05PM
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JewRad
Posts: 432 - Karma: 23
<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/FymUcGu5mi8?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/FymUcGu5mi8?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>
Dec 25 2010 11:08PM
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.jersey
Posts: 1925 - Karma: 9
check out women/ flirt with them. haha its a habit of mine
Dec 25 2010 11:10PM
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siversex
Posts: 1254 - Karma: 16

haha friends and i snuck into our church made weed brownies in the oven then ate them at the alter. after that we kneeled and gave thanks.

/end claim

Dec 25 2010 11:18PM
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senorpuppy
Posts: 264 - Karma: 10
don't yell "thats what Mary said"
Dec 25 2010 11:20PM
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r0dubs
Posts: 1764 - Karma: 19
make a "peace radar" out of your fingers and yell peace to all while in wednsday mass...boy di i learn in 4th grade
Dec 26 2010 1:17AM
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JIBpsy^^
Posts: 2851 - Karma: 36

Blow bubbles

were a bathrobe naked underneath

read a playboy

snort cocaine of the minester's wifes's ass

last one can get you some serious comunity service time.    damn that summer wasn't very exciting.

Dec 26 2010 1:25AM
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