When you die you're going to be the only one in the coffin six feet under. All you have is yourself. Depending on others will do only that, force you to depend on them. The day you don’t have them is the worst day of your life. They give you a false sense of belonging and then it can all be taken away in an instance. It does go the other way as well. Though they can take it away they can also give it back. Do not give others the power to hold your happiness and wellbeing in their hand.
Somehow learn to control it, depend on yourself to make you happy. Once you can depend on yourself you won’t need others. Although you won’t need them they will still be there, just like they were before. The only difference is that this time, when they aren’t there for you, you can still be happy. This time you will be able to smile and be okay with it. Rely on yourself, because in the end, you are the only one who will be there from the beginning to the end.
You may not die alone, but you will remain alone when it’s all said and done. When I die I hope to be everywhere. I hope there will be someone who will return me to the world which I was brought into. Not just in one place, I hope for them to put me everywhere I had been, and everywhere I had not.
I fear that everyone I meet hates me. That nobody likes me and that fear I possess forces me to be alone. I have felt dependent on others to make myself feel whole, no more. I have to stop asking people what to do, stop trying to figure out what people think. I need to start thinking about what I think. How I feel. What makes me happy and not what makes others happy. Do what I want because I want to, not because it will please someone else. Eventually I hope that I will find people, friends, who will want to be around me and I will want to be around them. And if not, well I already feel alone.
apologize if its poorly written, i was just writing as i was thinking