Most epic stories?

going to make it short and sweet as possible.

took a tiny ass pumpkin from some random ass dudes house not even thinking anything of it, and put it right back a minute later, on Halloween night at like 2am. ended up he and his friends (all around 6 foot, and normal build, 40 years old) still dressed up as these weird ass clowns (they couldve been drunk, not sure) chased me and my friends around screaming that they'd kill us and stuff like that. after 30 minutes of being chased, we thought we lost them, but somehow they found us. ended up i took one for the team...one of the weird fuckers was about to catch my friend but i blindsided (more of just collided intentionally from the side) the hell out of him (mind you im like 5 6/7ish and 115 pounds, so i didnt do much.) he gets his balance back quicker than i thought and gave me a nasty straight punch right to the sternum. lets just say it did a little more than just knock me on the ground, it was a hell of a punch, but goddamn, it got my adrenaline running more than ever. he tries get on top of me (no homo) and attempts to ground and pound, but i realized what he was trying to do and i wiggle out and start fucking booking it, yelling my ass off for help. i had around a 5 and a half foot fence in front of me while being chased, and my friends were on the other side waiting for me. i DONT want to get caught by these 3 crazy fucks, so out of nowhere, i fucking donkeykong/ supermaned jumped over this fence. then i ran out in to a main road and practically got hit by 2 cars running across it. ended up got someone to drive me and a couple friends home...but of course...those guys were still outside looking for us. they saw us in the car and start chasing us. but we got away. havent seen them yet since thank god.

okay, so not short at all, but whatever.

and by the way, clowns are my biggest fear, so being chased by 3 queer's dressed up as them at 2am on halloween night is not the predicament i liked to be faced with. and yeah, i know, not that epic. but whatever, im bored.

on the night of boxing day i went to go visit my buddy who came home from london UK for christmas in van. i catch the last ferry to van from vic, make my way into downtown van after about 2-3 hours of gettin across the water and around the city to the bar he was at. I chill around for about an hour maybe two hours then i try to figure out where im stayin for the night, after asking around ppl were either sleeping or fam was over since it was christmas break. so i walk around van until i realize i need to sleep, so i pass out in downtown van like a homeless man and make do with what i got, a sweater and newspaper...in the middle of december. fucking awesome time so far, so i then decide that was ghetto and i walk around and find a 24 hour cafe, got a coffee and attempted to chill. as i chill some druggie was getin hassled by the cops and 30mins later some drunk guys beat up a cabbie and cause shit in the cafe so i peaced the scene. i make my way to the skytrain to start headin to the ferries and home. It was 5am and i thought it was supposed to be open so i wait around until 6:30ish and its still not open so i asked around and found out it wasnt open until 7. so i walked around and eventually got the train, then the bus, then finally the ferry. I get back to vic around 11:45 and catch the bus straight to work and there you have it, one of the "greatest" times of my life.

wow how does he fit all that on a piece of cardboard?

bump cause titanium joe is a badass

why did i even read that?

bump

My mate sold a douche bag kid a bag of basil and oregano pretending it was weed for $500

this story will go under the prank category and i recommend anyone to try it out.

i was on a rowing team in highschool. before we had to travel to meets our team would spend a practice loading our trailer with all the racing shells.

anyways, it was one of those days and me and my good buddy were out of school early and had a couple hours to kill before we had to go load up the boats. we were just cruisin around town when we thought of an amazing idea. grabbed one of those local newspapers that are filled with ads and promos for shows and what not. in these papers there are about 2 pages filled with ads for those "call girls", essentially hookers. we decided to call every single one of them and this would be a perfect prank to pull on our other friend. our friend kinda gets in douche mode every once in a while but gets rattled very easily. he freaks out about a lot of stuff. so we're just sitting in this parking lot and *67 about 60 prostitutes. we would leave messages on most of their phones but sometimes they would answer and have to talk to them in person.

we would say things like "hey sorry i had to block my number because i'm at work but i want to book you for the afternoon. call this number around 3:30 when i get off so i know you're free and can meet up." (3:30 was when our team had to meet up)

i called this one tranny and he answered the phone and it was probably the most awkward convo i've ever had. he starts getting all emotional because he says people set up meets but they never show and he gets so depressed and all this stuff. but i reassured him that i for sure wanted to meet up and that i was for real.

we gave out my friend's phone number and name to every single ho we could get a hold of.

so 3:30 came around and we're packing up and getting things ready. we tried not to interact with the kid all afternoon because we were afraid we might ruin the prank.

anyways he runs over and starts freaking the fuck out
"guys!!!! hey guys i'm getting all these weird calls and don't know what to do! who are these people?? idk, is it someone from my school? what the hell is happening?"

so we kinda prod and egg him on, asking him questions and playing innocent. anyways for about the next 3 days he acted really nervous and super weird. it's been 2 years since that day and we still haven't told him what went down

i love you.. (no homo)

but seriously.

and i will be trying this with my social studies teacher hahahaha!

Last night me and my buddys covered every window, vehicle, entrance, doorway with 3000 ft of caution tape, and we didnt go to school today! ahah

So, Back in October I headed over to my ex's house. We ended up playing circle of death, also known as kings. It was me, my ex, her dad, her uncle, and her two friends from her school in Kentucky. Oh and her two friends are lesbians (they go to an all girls where the majority of the girls are lesbians... no joke) and that will become relevant a little later on in the story. So the beer has been flowing and everyone is pretty sauced up.
Well my ex starts talking on the phone to the guy who cheated on her and I kept walking into her room telling her to hang up already and she doesn't need to talk to him. Probably a half hour later she finally hung up. So, I went and laid down on her bed because I was tired as shit and had to work in like 8 am. Well my ex comes and lays down and we start fooling around right away. Then her friend Mia walks in and this is where things start to get interesting.
Mia joins us in the bed and what was just me and my ex fooling around quickly turns into a full fledged threesome. I didn't do anything with Mia and Mia didn't do anything with me... my ex was like the bridge between the gap. I was caught off guard at first, but then I just went along with it and enjoyed myself. Well, once my ex and I started fucking Mia kind of faded out of the picture and that must have pissed her off because she got up and left the room. So my ex was like "oh I need to go see whats wrong with Mia". And I was just like oh she's fine like stay here... I mean what guy wants blue balls right?! But she leaves, so I'm just chillin' in bed waiting for her to come back. This is where things progressed to the kind of fucked up level.
My ex walks in and says something along the lines of "Have you seen my tampon?"... yup, she was on her period. That would have been nice to know. But anyways so I responded "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... no...... why? Can't you feel if it's still in you?" and"t she said she didn't know. So I was just thinking WTF, why wouldn't she take it out in the first place and where the fuck could it have gone?? So she's like look and see if you're bloody... so I checked and I was clean, so that was a relief. And keep in mind that I'm still drunk so this is all pretty hazy, but I think she left at that point and Mia came in sometime later to get her phone I think and she was like "dude look at my bra it has blood on it". So I was like WTF!!! First of all how the hell did the blood get onto her bra?! Second of all... What the fuck is going on?? So that was that, but now the story progresses to the really fucked up status.
They both come back and lay down in the bed. But, now it's just those two going at it. I'm getting no lovin', just laying next to them feeling awkward as all hell. So after laying there for a little while, I finally just let the alcohol prevail over my body and I passed out. I woke up around 2:30 and my first thought was "WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!"
I basically had a threesome with a girl on her period and a lesbian, there was a tampon MIA, and my ex-girlfriend apparently is cool with getting down with her lady friend. So, at this point my mind was beyond blown and I just couldn't comprehend what had happened. I was feeling sober enough to drive, so I decided I just had to go home so I got home and went to sleep for a few hours before it was time for work. Today we talked a little bit, but she made no mention of the previous night other than "thanks for leaving a bunch of hickeys on my neck". So, I think she is playing the let's pretend that didn't really happen card... which I am totally okay with.
I still don't know what to think of what happened this past weekend. I feel like if there was a picture to culminate all that happened to me last night, "Mind Fuck" would be a very fitting caption. Was it epic? Sure. Was it fucked up? Definitely. Was it awkward? Yup. Am I ever going to be able comprehend it? Probably not.

This one time I went to a Casino that you only had to be 18 to go to, its called Morango and its right next to Palm Springs. So I won a pretty good amount of money right? So I'm telling my buddy Matt like hey man I just made $150 for basically getting drunk and partying all night. So he comes with me the next weeked. I start getting a pretty good streak going and lose track of him. I make a couple hundred bucks and go off to find him. When I do he's lost like $600 or something ridiculous.

this happend last night at a partay in portland as told be me jim and aslo by will

we were up in north portland by U of P and we where throwing this kegger and we getting fuckin drunk. the party was dress as your drink an i was jose crevo(now i must say i hate this shit ass booze but its easy and peole know what it was)i had a mexican ponco and sombero and black moustace to go with my ginger hair, and will was scotch with his kilt and balls in the wind... so the party is going good and will is talking to this fine fine girl dressed as a grey hound while i am cleaning house on the beer pong  arena and trying to make the move on st pauli girl.   so i see will go upstairs with the grey hound  girl and im like 'yeah willl get some"! so like 20 min later  i hear this girl scream and like im ok cause it just sounded like a bitch gettin toe up scream yah know, so im thinking wil prob working the clit like he always does( he eats the pussy like no other)  and then i see grey hound com runnind down the staris and she runs out of the house and then im like what the fuck so i tell st pauli to shoot for me so i find will and hes got puke all over his chin and chest. and im like man what happend and hes just says in super drunk,, ":man i just fucked it up jim.,,, im like will what did you nutt in her , hes like no man,,,, i was eating her out and i pucked all over her pussy,,,,    i take a step back and think about what i just heard.... im like you pucked on her pussy ?, willl is like yeah im getting her off and i was spinning hard and right as she came i threw up all over her pussy and her stomach,  and he statred crying and im like dude lets get that puke of your shirt and get you some water.... so the party kept going will ended up getting some head and i blacked out and woke up in a mini van..

good party though i felt sorry for that one girl.

This happened to a friend of mine when we were back at Uni. It was a while ago but I do remember it pretty well.

you pulled that straight from the office.