Fast forward to last week. I made a few more phone calls basically begging apple to help me out. I finally talk to someone who realizes that my computer's logic board has a recall on it and that he'll send me a box to ship it to them in. 2 days later the box is in my house. I pack it up and ship it out. 48 hours later fedex rolls up to my house and drops off my computer. inside the box is a repair list that read something like this:
"logic board-broken. replaced.
battery-does not charge. replaced.
optical drive-does not accept media. replaced."
i couldnt believe it. Apple basically hooked me up with about $1300 worth of shit for free. i'm so pumped.
sparknotes: apple hooked me up and saved my ever-declining bank account from a giant loss.