this is how i lost my v-card to myself
one day at the tender age of 14 my parents had been out of town for a couple days and i was home alone (obviously) i was sittin there in my level 8 gamer chair playing some sweet ass mario kart dominating the extra tracks wen a bell rang in my head. not a church bell or a school bell but more of the kind of bell that rings when an angel gets its wings ne wayz. that bell made me think of tinkerbell which made me isolate the word tinker so i decided to play with myself for the first time. most kids at school told me about how they would flop the flippy and such but i thought to myself that aint me! so i ran to the fridge and slid on my socks then 270 out to handle grab and opened the fridge door. i peeked my curiously dirty eyes in there to find a brand new jar of grape jelly. this grape jelly looked so inviting but i knew it would be cold. so i threw it in the microwave for around 30 seconds till it was between luke warm and comfortably warm. i then proceeded to stir the jar a little bit till it was nice and mushed up cause sometimes it can be more like jello then jelly. once i knew the time was rite i reached slowly into my pants and... pulled out my fone texted my girl then i made a pb and j sandwich ate it then jerked off and fell asleep.
THE END
