"I turn to all you fellow fans because I feel so lonely, so alone. It seems like nobody understands me. My parents respect me and know I've been a fan since forever. But they don;t seem to understand why I am crying all the time. My boyfriend laughs by hearing I can't sleep because of the news. He don't understand why I get angry hearing the 911 phonecall has been released, why I get upset of knowing they did an autopsy on Michaels body. He doesn';t like all radio and tv programms being adapted because of this. This make me wonder if he's the one I want to be with.
After history my fanship cooled down a bit but since March the energy was flowing again. As I was looking for a new job and I even applied for one in London, just to be with Mike. Dreaming of standing in front of the O2 every single performance night. Eventually Mike would recognize me of course as the persistant girl in front of the O2 and invite me over. I just wanted a nice conversation and an intense hug no more.... I booked a trip to Euro Disney hoping and praying and thinking there might be a change Mike would be there as well. So close to London, so near to the concerts. Euro Disney was his place as well. Now I need to leave tomorrow knowing Michael will never visit Mickey again.
I don't know where to go to with my tears. I feel lost en numb. I try to be strong, not showing how I really feel inside. With Michael a part of me died but nobody knows...."