I hereby ressurect the man laws that are so quickly being forgotten. I encourage all of you to stick to the code of manhood. Uphold thy manliness.
1) When toasting, touch bottles, not tops
2) Crunching beer cans on forehead is lame
3) High-5 stays until a replacement is found
4) Girl breaks up with your best friend she is breaking up with you, unless she is drop-dead gorgeous, then 6-months until you are allowed to date her
5) Tuck Rule: Take one beer home if it will fit in your pocket
6) You poke it, you own it
7) It takes a real man to cry, unless that man is crying like a sissy
8) There are no "bad hair" days, only "baseball cap" days
9) There is a 15 minute maximum for a man to prepare himself to go out at night
10) A man shall never ask another man if the shirt that he is wearing makes him look fat
11) A man must pour one ounce of his beer into coals while grilling
12) If a snake catches a man off guard, it is totally acceptable for the man to scream once
13) A man shall never give up on his team until they are officially eliminated
14) Remember that looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun, quick glances
15) There are no leftovers when eating steak
16) It is completely acceptable for a man to use his dog as a wingman
17) The wearing of socks with sandals is henceforth forbidden
18) Your house, Your rules
19) When there is a tornado or hurricane coming, grab a beer and run outside and watch it
20) Saturday + Sunday are for Football
21) No man is to wear a beret unless it is required for their services
22) A man has bragging rights if his teams defeats the team of another until the next meeting of the two teams
23) When lifting weights it is ok for a man to wear compression shorts under his gym shorts. However, a man shall never wear compression shorts alone
24) Men don't listen to Sammy Hagar songs
25) It is okay to cry when a song is played, but only if you are drunk, and the song is a country tune by Cash, Haggerd and the like. It is not okay if you are drunk and start crying because the song playing was "your and her's special song"
26) Bros before hoes
27) No man shall eat anything smaller than his pinky, unless it is candy, beans, peas, or popcorn
28) The only exceptable food is carb-heavy, cholestorol heavy protien, when eating with other men
29) No man shall ride in a yellow car, unless it is a taxi
30) A man is allowed to own and operate a garden, but he must refer to it as farming
31) No man should ask another man to help him move unless he has known him for over a year. A case of beer will we required as payment upon the sucessful move.
32) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
33) Come to a man with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
34) Anything that needs to be said can wait for commercials
35) Christopher Columbus did not read directions, and neither will you
36) If it itches, it will be scratched
37) Foreign films are best left to foreigners (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway)
38) Standard Shotgun Rules apply at all times
39) No guest is permitted to sit in host's Lay-z-boy
40) No man shall bring his female counterpart to a poker game
41) Anything that can't be fixed, built, or updated without reading the instructions is simply an evil ploy of the devil/woman and should be destroyed immediately.
42) Breaking something expensive at a friend's party will result in a suspension or removal from future parties
43) A man must be able to throw the remote as well as he throws a football. Any incomplete or fumbled throws of the remote are the sole result of a failed catch.
44) A man must assist his friend in a fight unless the friend in question has done something to you in the past 24 hours that warrants an ass kicking.
45) If a man brings beer to another mans bbq, he may only take it home if the beer does not touch the bottom of the cooler.
46) A man at a party should not be caught drinking any bitch drinks, unless all the beer is consumed and its the only drink left.
47) When describing the size of a fish you caught, it is expected that you will exaggerate the dimensions with hand gestures, but you cannot lie about the weight.
48) Man needs only two tools, duct tape and WD-40. Duct tape if it moves and it shouldn't, and WD-40 if it doesn't move and it should.
49) When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence
50) Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs. However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.
51) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.
52) No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.
53) It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)
54) Rock Paper Scissors solves any arguement
55) Men should never occupy urinals next to a man already using one. Always use the Courtesy Space rule, by giving at least one empty stall length at all times. If the situation arises where there are no urinals available that would keep the Courtesy Space rule in tact, then wait.
56) When using a urinal, don't speak to other men using the urinals. If you have anything to say at all, stare directly ahead, eye contact is a severe infraction of common bathroom courtesy.