ok hes in 8th grade and he won class clown. read it and tell me if its funny.
By Spencer Francus
As I surf www.MySpace.com accounts by looking at one persons profile, and webbing out to other peoples, I see many younger girls trying to look sexy, or glamorous, or hot (if you will). If girls try to look sexy, glamorous or hot, they definitely do not achieve their goal. Now, that does not mean that a picture of a fat seventh grade girl eating chicken fat out of a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket is sexy, but when compared to a picture of an anorexic-looking girl making sad faces in the mirror and taking pictures of herself in the mirror in black & white mode, I would make this decision: I would much rather slap the fat bitch eating KFC than the girl who refuses to digest anything.
Speaking of slapping fat objects, the one thing that the two (hypothetical) girls have in common are, of course, their buns. A girls butt, or ass, or poo-tang, or behind, or rump, or arse, or fanny, or back, or gummy-hole (referred to rectum), and many more. No matter which girl it is, if they are wearing Solos, a thong, and (hopefully) no acne on their ass, a teenage guy would grab it. To be frank, it is no different than grabbing your thigh, but guys like to feel like they are in higher rank. The (my preferred nickname) buns of a girl are nice to look at, but there is no need to grab them, or slap them (unless if you are engaging in anal sex, doggy style, or if you are backpacking in Honduras with a large-bunned girl and you, out of nowhere, fall over a cliff and the only thing to grab so you wont fall to your death was the girls buns.
Speaking of plump, round, deliciously perfect items that start with the letter B and end with the letter S, the only thing that would surpass my love for a womans buns, would be her other buns: her cinnamon buns and all of her other pastries. Many buns have similar qualities, if they are good, well crafted buns, when you open them up white, slow-dripping, liquid would come out, as if it were maple syrup out of a tree.
Do not get me wrong, I love seventh grade poo-tang, but I love seventh grade bake sales too, maybe almost too much. If I were able to either (a) go into a seventh grade bake sale, or (b) go into a seventh grade back door, I would not be able to pick which one would be more pleasuring. Which one would give me longer-lasting metaphoric ecstasy? Let us see the options:
Seventh Grade Poo-Tang
1. You can stare at them for as long as possible without somebody questioning you.
2. It does not matter what the face of the girls buns look like; you do not see it if you see the buns.
3. Seventh grade poo-tang never gets older, even though you do.
4. If you get aroused enough to get an erection, people will find it regular, since you were imagining performing anal sex with the object of lust.
Seventh Grade Bake Sales
1. If you stare at a cookie for too long, people will start to thinking your mental age is just young enough so that you think little sugar crystals on butter cookies are magnificent.
2. If you see the face of the woman who baked your brownie, you may think twice about the fudge topping.
3. If you covet a piece of cake long enough without eating it it will rot, possibly grow fungi, and become hard and disgusting.
4. If you get a boner from looking at an oatmeal-raisin cookie, 1people will think you like to fornicate with oat-based products.
Both being such sound arguments, it is so hard to choose which one I enjoy more. Let me sit back, rewind, and watch The Food network as I decide on my answer. (Twelve minutes later) I have made my decision. The winner is, without a doubt, seventh grade bake sales!
Although seventh grade bake sales do not last as long, seventh grade bake sales do not disappoint you. If I were to go up and squeeze a seventh grade girls ass, for no apparent reason, they would probably say something along the lines of, Whoa, dont touch my ass! If I were to ask a seventh grade girl for one of her cookies, she would probably give one to me, gladly.
A couple days ago, I said to my best friend seventh grade girl, Hey, Matt wants to touch your butt. After telling her that, she placed her ass on the table, implying that he was allowed to. She was obviously joking but when Matt said the same thing to her, but replaced his name with mine, a ghastly expression came upon her face, thus implying that she did not want me to touch her bottom.
This little conversation that went on between the three of us showed me something: If a girl is comfortable with another person of a different sex, she will let him touch her ass, because she is comfortable with him1. I mean, I would let a girl I am a friend with touch my butt, whether she wanted to or not.
A woman whom I find extremely sexy is Giada DeLaurentis of Everyday Italian on The Food Network. I find her sexy because she does not try to be sexy. I also find her sexy because she always has food in her hands. If I were to marry her, I know she can make me happy: you know what they say, a way to a mans heart is through his stomach.
Maybe I should look for Giadas MySpace profile. Or I can look for a naturally sexy womans MySpace, along with a piece of cakes profile.
1. That day was the first day I had a conversation with her consisting of more than twelve words.