TGP Vol. 7 | NS Originals S2E03 | Andreas Hatveit, Benedik Oye & Crew

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JalmarKalmar
April, 2024

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Jokes... It's all Jokes.. Add 'em Here!

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ski@work
Posts: 419 - Karma: 6
Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it.

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

Q. What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the jaw.

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch.
Mar 14 2006 9:42AM
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Albrecht.
Posts: 1535 - Karma: 11
BEST POST EVER!
Dec 23 2006 10:03PM
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casualfiasco
Posts: 662 - Karma: 10
They go together

Q: how do you find the poorest mexican?
A: roll a quarter down the street and see who gets there first.
Q: how do you find the richest mexican?
A: see who found the quater.
Dec 23 2006 10:18PM
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Badfish2
Posts: 3453 - Karma: 21
hahaaha.. i can't believe i missed that!@
Dec 24 2006 9:06AM
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1080ski
Posts: 4424 - Karma: 191
i only read the first page but heres a good one:

wanna hear a joke? Womens rights

O SHIT
Dec 24 2006 11:28AM
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vermontsteez
Posts: 924 - Karma: 19
ROFL i laughed so hard when i saw that
Dec 30 2006 1:44PM
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ohiorprsnt
Posts: 202 - Karma: 10
Q.whats better than paying $10,000 to send all the black people back to africa?

A. Paying $10,000 to send them half way.
Dec 30 2006 3:46PM
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T.Spliff
Posts: 1037 - Karma: 17
heres a good joke.... womens rights
Dec 30 2006 7:20PM
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wAy2sTeEzY4u
Posts: 5449 - Karma: 20
thats only been said 10 times, nice.
Dec 30 2006 7:23PM
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dgcarbs
Posts: 438 - Karma: 11
bump
Jan 5 2007 9:34PM
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Sean...M
Posts: 2450 - Karma: 14
black mine..
Jan 5 2007 9:40PM
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mistaskia
Posts: 1252 - Karma: 32
Really racist.....


Q:What did the natzi say to the black jew?
A: get in the back of the oven

Jan 5 2007 9:56PM
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Ryanvdonk
Posts: 12808 - Karma: 1,945
why couldn't emily dickenson drive?

A: cause she was a woman.
Jan 5 2007 10:14PM
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mistaskia
Posts: 1252 - Karma: 32
Larry the cable guy... hes the man
Jan 5 2007 10:15PM
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Gnl.Weirdness
Posts: 3867 - Karma: 20
hehehehe


Ok so you know how guys have to piss the second we wake up every morning...

Have you ever wondered why women DON'T

Well have you ever opened a grilled cheese sandwich when its warm?





HAHAHAHA sorry heard that from a guy who races the figure 8 tracks. It's def dirty.
Jan 5 2007 10:28PM
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Mooose...
Posts: 1807 - Karma: 77
how long does it take a black woman to shit?

-9 months
Jan 8 2007 4:02PM
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vermontsteez
Posts: 924 - Karma: 19
how do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
wave to her.

Jan 8 2007 5:58PM
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Fish_Sandwich.
Posts: 9108 - Karma: 16
bump cause I'm bored and this is funny.
ummm
sooo
a black guy and a mexican jump off a building, who hits the ground first?



the Mexican hits first because the black guy stops half way down to spray paint "fuck you".
Apr 2 2007 12:23AM
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SpankyAnalWhore
Posts: 500 - Karma: 10
Whats worse than a pile of dead babys?

Theres one alive at the bottom.

Whats worse than that?

Hes eating his way out.

Whats worse than that?

He made it.

Whats worse than that?

Hes going back for seconds.
Apr 2 2007 12:30AM
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kvm.
Posts: 124 - Karma: 10
yumm.

so this isn't really a joke, but last night i was serving these guys at the bar i work at and one of them ordered a milkshake. so one turns and looks at him and says "Would you like a la senza gift certificate with that?"
i laughed for a while. 
Apr 2 2007 2:29PM
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killabees
Posts: 8558 - Karma: 494
best one
Apr 2 2007 3:05PM
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Gimper
Posts: 247 - Karma: 11
so a guy walks into a bar...
Apr 2 2007 3:12PM
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tronnnnnnn
Posts: 736 - Karma: 14
i dont know if these are already on here.....sorry if they are, i didnt have enought itme to read all of em before class.

what do you tell the woman with 2 black eyes?
nothing, shes already been told twice.

what does the woman who was just released from the home for battered women do first?
the dishes if she knows whats right for her.
Apr 2 2007 4:51PM
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Jake...
Posts: 11976 - Karma: 296
the joke is horrible but the way you tell it made me pee my pants.
Apr 2 2007 4:58PM
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zerospinskier
Posts: 4867 - Karma: 350
Q: Why werent there any black people in the Flinstones?

A: They were still monkeys


Q: If a black person and a mexican jump off a building who wins?

A: Society
Apr 2 2007 11:58PM
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BFFset.
Posts: 2210 - Karma: 12
Q: why couldn't hellen keller drive?
A: because she was a woman.

Q: what do you call the useless skin around a pussy?
A: a woman.
Apr 3 2007 12:11AM
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skipillager
Posts: 1275 - Karma: 20
buuuuummmp
Apr 3 2007 9:23PM
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JPOB
Posts: 423 - Karma: 266
hahah ted
Apr 3 2007 9:29PM
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Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
Ok.

So this guy has been with his girlfriend for a while, and while on vacation in jamaica, and slightly intoxicated, they decide that to show their love for each other, they are both going to get tattoos of the others name. So they guy goes in to the tattoo parlor, and tells the tattoo guy that he wants "Wendy" tattooed on his dick. The tattoo guy is like "okay, but you need to get it hard so I can do this." So he hands the guy a porn mag, and things progress, and he gets his tattoo. He goes home, shows Wendy, and things are fine. Well, he notices that when it is limp, he can only see the letters WEY. This kind of disturbs him at first, but he gets over it. Well later that day, he goes in to a bathroom to take a leak, and he is standing at the urinal and looks over to see this black guy with WEY on his dick too. He is like "I know this is ackward, but is your girlfriends name wendy too." The jamaican looks at him, then looks down and says "No, it says 'Welcome to Jamaica mon, have a nice day."

Disclaimer: This joke is way better told, especially if you do the jamaican accent right.
Apr 3 2007 9:40PM
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Schmitz
Posts: 4272 - Karma: 103
Q. whats the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

A. beer nuts are about $1.25, but deer nuts are always under a buck.
Apr 3 2007 9:44PM
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Skipig25
Posts: 10729 - Karma: 256
ahhhhahaha. I have a friend who will love that one
Apr 3 2007 9:46PM
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jimmychung
Posts: 6857 - Karma: 25
a kid in my chem class got 5 days detention for saying that in front of our feminist chem teacher.
Apr 3 2007 10:08PM
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eyes.a.fire
Posts: 1238 - Karma: 13
so theres a group of ducks and a group of skunks playing in the road one day when all of a sudden, a semi truck comes and kils them all except for one baby duck and one baby skunk. the two of them team up and do everything with eachother. they are like brother and sister to eachother now. one day the duck asks
"weve been toghether for all this time now and i still dont know what i am"
the skunk replies: "well your white all over, have an orange bill, webbed feet, and wings, you must be a duck."
the duck: "yay yay im a duck im a duck"
the skunk then asks: "what am i"
the duck says: "well your half black, half white, and you stink, you must be puerto rican"
Apr 4 2007 12:11AM
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toominator
Posts: 4792 - Karma: 120
hahahahaha!! what a legend, woulda been pretty funny to see her reaction
Apr 4 2007 3:37AM
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skier_dude_1831
Posts: 2064 - Karma: 19
wow those r some great jokes
Apr 4 2007 11:09PM
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Luckyscs
Posts: 518 - Karma: 11
Whats the difference between a (insert noun) and  a baby. You can't rape a (noun).
Ad lib!!!
Apr 4 2007 11:16PM
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SteezePatrol
Posts: 10281 - Karma: 36
lol...AAAAAAAAAAAHIGHFIVE!
Apr 4 2007 11:21PM
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RunDMc
Posts: 1298 - Karma: 60
Q: What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?


A: She choked
Apr 4 2007 11:35PM
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BFFset.
Posts: 2210 - Karma: 12
guy quit it with the racist jokes please!!! i had a gradnfather that died in the holocaust!











he fell from a guard tower

and

stop it with the racist jokes, i have a black man in my family tree, at least i think he's still hanging there
Apr 5 2007 1:02AM
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BFFset.
Posts: 2210 - Karma: 12
i dont know why but i laughed so hard at that one.

heres another one:
so a woman goes to a doctor, and he comes back after some tests and is like: i have two things of bad news. the first is that you have breast cancer and will probably die within the week.
woman: OH MY GOD!!!!
doctor: the other is that you have alzheimers (sp?)
woman: at least i don't have breast cancer!
Apr 5 2007 1:10AM
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STACKS
Posts: 1938 - Karma: 42
wicked
Apr 5 2007 9:24AM
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Hannah.
Posts: 4625 - Karma: 56
what do u call a blonde with two brain cells?


pregnant
Apr 5 2007 9:40AM
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smuggsVT
Posts: 2145 - Karma: 19
nice


what do u call a gay guy on rollerblades?

rollaids
Apr 5 2007 9:47AM
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skipillager
Posts: 1275 - Karma: 20
ahh. i left ns open on this jokes thread at school, and i was still signed in onto my account at school.

i come back to the comp cuz i forgot a book and my english teachers reading these!!!! he just laughed.......
Apr 5 2007 11:15PM
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Jibbin_the_717
Posts: 210 - Karma: 10
i had sex with my mother in law. people in america would think thats funny whats funny i really fucked ..... Borat
Apr 5 2007 11:17PM
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MaxSteeze
Posts: 60 - Karma: 18
There once was three midgets that weren't good at anything. One day they were walking by the Guiness Book of world records headquarters and were thinking "hey there must be somethinig that we are good at."
So they sat down a started thinking. The first one starts rubbing his nose trying to think. Suddenly he runs into the building. Ten minutes later he comes out and say "I have the smallest nose in the world."
Now the other two want to find something. After a while the second one starts rubbing his ears. Then he runs in. Ten minutes later he comes out and say "I have the smallest ears in the world."
The third one really wants to find something now. So he is thinking and starts to rub his crotch and runs in. A minute later he comes out and says " Who the fuck is Lil_G!"
Apr 6 2007 1:52AM
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niels.
Posts: 1282 - Karma: 14
whats gray?

a melted penguin
Apr 14 2007 5:06PM
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DJSTEVEINNIAMIXX
Posts: 1859 - Karma: 1,659
hahaha
Apr 14 2007 5:13PM
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