TRASHING 5-Star Banff springs hotel room

Hey gang

well, Im coming to you from Zgengs Internet cafe in
Calgary AB. Still livin, enjoyin life. Got another
story. It's a classic.

Just got back from Banff yesterday, we stayed at the
Banff Springs Hotel for 3 days. Five star, Fairmont
hotel. Fuckin nice shit. we (Me, Aric, John, Sofie,
Sofie's brother) got our own room and we were lovin
it. We climbed straight up the mountain in Banff,
needlessly risking our lives numerous times. climbing
300ft cliffs, almost vertical, covered in snow, in
running shoes and one glove each. I'll send some pics
later. We get back to the hotel, disconnect the smoke
detector, and smoke ourselves stupid, drinkin all
sorts of booze. john unloads the climbing bag, and
theres a bunch of mushy bananas in the bag. So, being
young, dumb, and full of....fun, he throws it into the
ceiling fan.

Fucking banana everywhere.

Then Aric throws it in.

Fucking banana on the walls.

Sofies brother throws it.

Fucking Banana all over the ceiling.

I throw it.

Fucking banana all over the carpet.

Sofie throws it.

Fucking banana on the beds.

Everyones throwin bananas.

It's fucking all over everyones clothes.

We decide to stick crackers on top of the blobs on the
wall. Crackers on the wall.
Shit's goin to hell, cracker fights, apples smashing
on the wall, busted bananas all over the floor. This
five star hotel room is a fucking fruit salad.
Someone throws banana. i throw some banana. IM HIT!
AARRGGHHH, go to the bathroom, cleaning off. Someone
behind me. duck. Fucking banana all over the mirror,
and the floor. Walk out of the room. Aric is throwing
knives into the wall. He stabs two five dollar bills
to the wall. Sets them on fire. The wall is on fire.
This is a 700$/night room. John pours liquor on the
table. I make fun of him with a bottle of vodka. The
cap is missing. I pour vodka all over the floor. shit.
I lie down. All of a sudden Im attacked with a pen,
fighting with aric, theres pen all over. it's a
weapon, cutting. Testing survival instincts. it's
over.Look at the wall. Huge black marks all over it.
they're not comin off. ok, we gotta get outta this
room. We venture out into the hotel, walkin around,
opening doors, exploring. Go in the back corridors,
take bellboy elevators down, take a fire escape, run
across the courtyard, hop a fence or two, here's the
saltwater pool thats steaming in the cool night. It's
so inviting. Strip down and jump in. aaahhhhhhhhhh,
this is the shit.......We decide to find the hot tub.
Aric the Nude leads the way. no shoes, naked guys and
girl, we hop over a spiked iron fence. Turn a corner.
3 feet away, inside the glass, security. Aric is buck
ass naked. RUN NAKED MAN RUN!!!
jet to the pool, then get dressed and venture back.
see a japanese restaurant, door's open. go in. Theres
a huge japanese banner, 20 feet long, 3 feet wide. I
have to have it. Pull it down, its mine. Runnin down
the halls, I lose my towel. fix it. Lose it again,
fuck it. Back to the room. holy shit, someone broke
into our room and flung banana all over the walls.
What the fuck, I knew we should have locked the doors.
Pass the fuck out. Get up, pile into civic...yes
another one....and go to lake louise. Ski the sickest
shit Ive ever skied. Droppin cliffs into deep ass pow.
This is what livin is all about. for real. Go back,
chill out, pack up, go home. Get a call this morning.
Sofie's mom is being charged 800$ on her card for the
mess. Shit. 'ARIC!' I yell, 'We gotta go to the bank!'
and now im here, writing this.

I love life.


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