sorry....this is long, but it's the email I just got today....kinda worth reading
50 THINGS ADMISSIONS NEVER TOLD YOU ABOUT COLLEGE
1. Quarters are gold.
2. Two meals per day is the standard.
3. Road trip whenever possible.
4. Going to the mailbox was never an ego booster/breaker before.
5. You will begin to nap again.
6. Your bookstore bill will almost equal tuition.
7. Squirt guns = Stress relief.
8. Instant messenger becomes an addiction.
9. E-mail becomes your second language
10. College students throw paper airplanes too.
11. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you.
12. College football is the coolest thing on the planet.
13.
Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn't know, but you can recite last week's re-run of The 70's Show verbatim.
14. Cartoons are for all ages.
15. Disney movies are more than just classics.
16. You will never rent/buy more movies in your life.
17. No one is too old for video games.
18. Procrastination is an art form.
19. SNOOD is more addicting than pot.
20. Thanks to Kazaa/Audiogalaxy/Morpheus, you will never listen to any of your CDs ever again.
21. It never hurt so much to get sick.
22. The health service nurses are there because they couldn't make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that.
23. Care packages are right up there
with birthdays.
24. Campus is only clean for Family Weekend and Freshman Orientation.
25. Nothing you want to register for will be open.
26. Classes... the later the better.
27. You are no longer thankful that the fire alarms are here to protect you.
28. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires.
29. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty.
30. Showers become less important; sleep becomes more important.
31. Asleep by 2:30 am is an early night.
32. Creativity in the dining halls is KEY...
33. The freshman 15 is NOT a myth!!!
34. If it's snowing out, the only reason you will leave your room is for food.
35. Dishes
smell after days of piling up.
36. Cereal makes a meal any time of the day.
37. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet.
38. You will eat anything that is free.
39. New additions to food groups: pitapit and pizza.
40. Stealing from the dining hall will become second nature.
41. ATM's are the devils advocate. ATM = Another Twenty Missing.
42. Keys have never been so important, yet you seem to lose them or lock yourself out of the room even more.
43. Duct tape heals all wounds.
44. If they say you can't have it in your dorm, they are just kidding.
45. You will come to hate hallways/elevators with a passion. (STAIRS ARE THE DEVIL)
46. You will begin to
negotiate with God even if you have doubted his existence in the past..."Please God, if you let me pass this final, I'll never drink again!"
47. Pictures, posters, emails or anything else to cover the ugly cell we live in will be transformed into wallpaper.
48. Everyone is only nice for the first week. After that, no matter how nice you are, some people just won't smile back. Get used to it.
49. You are never alone!
50. You realize college is the ideal life! style, except for those pesky classes
TOP 10 REASONS THAT COLLEGE IS LIKE PRESCHOOL
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without
caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You wear big mittens.
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches.
YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...
- You actually like doing laundry at home.
- Two miles is not too far to walk for a party.
- You'd rather clean than study.
- "Oh man how did it get so late!" comes out of your mouth at least once a night.
- Mom's Meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not avoid.
- Half the time you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
-
You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soap operas.
- You know the pizza boy by name.
- You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
- You live for getting mail.
- Looking out the window is a form of entertainment.
- Prank phone calls become funny again.
- You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
- Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
- Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
- The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday.
BEFORE I CAME TO COLLEGE, I WISH I HAD KNOWN...
- That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd still sleep through it.
- That I could change so much and barely realize it
- That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
- No matter how 'cool' you were in high school, no one here
cares.
- That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
- That every clock on campus shows a different time.
- That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesn't matter here.
- That I would go to a party the night before a final.
- That Labs/Art studios take up more time than all my other classes put together.
- That you can know everything and fail a test.
- That you can know nothing and ace a test.
- That I could get used to almost anything found out about my roommate.
- That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
- That friendship is more than getting drunk together.
- That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about
- That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
- That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is
really Physics and that Physics is really Math.
- That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
- That it's possible to be alone even when friends surround you.
- That friends are what make this place worthwhile!
- Don't be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after a moment or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.
Forward this to your friends because, without friends, college is prison
CANADIAN TERMINOLOGY: UNIVERSITIES AS GRAMMAR!!
GUELPH - v; to vomit due to drinking.
USAGE : If I have one more shot, I think I'll Guelph.
YORK - v; to spit out a large, coughed-up phlegm loogie with chunks in it.
USAGE : "hack!" "puhtooie!" Mmmm ... I just Yorked.
RYERSON - v; to
claim to be something you are not.
USAGE : He totally Ryersoned on me man, it's only four inches!
QUEEN'S - v; to act superior, the opposite of humble
USAGE: That dude was totally Queens.
TRENT - n; giant green floating poop.
USAGE : Dude, I just hung a major Trent!
LAKEHEAD - v; to forget everything.
USAGE : Shit, I went completely Lakehead on that exam!
WINDSOR - v; party, slack-off
USAGE : Why study when you can Windsor!
WESTERN - v; to obtain commitment-free sex.
USAGE : We're going out to the bar to see if we can Western tonight.
CARLETON - n; easy access.
USAGE : She was wearing jogging pants; it was real Carleton.
OTTAWA - n; horrible french accent.
USAGE : He speaks with an Ottawa.
McMASTER - v; to pleasure oneself.
USAGE : He's in his room
McMastering.
LAURENTIAN - n; a desperate plea.
USAGE : Please, I Laurentian you!
McGILL - v; swelling of the head.
USAGE : Her head has completely McGilled!
NIPPISSING - v; to void an enlarged bladder.
USAGE : I just drank 16 beers, I freaking need to Nippissing.
R.M.C. - n; severe beating.
USAGE : He got a savage R.M.C.!
WATERLOO - v; to fart in a tub/pool.
USAGE : Ahh gross! Did you just Waterloo!?!
CONCORDIA -- adj; young, innocent.
USAGE : I dig those Concordia girls.
--------------------
Q: Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
A: They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
Q: How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
A: With a restraining order.
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire
town: $10 worth of damage was reported.
Q: Why is it so windy in Kingston?
A: Because Queen's blows!
Q: What do you get when you drive quickly through the Lakehead campus?
A: An undergraduate degree.
Q: What's the first thing a Carleton girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Walk home.
Q: How can you tell if a Trent student is a heterosexual?
A: He can outrun his roomate
Q: What does a U of T student call a Laurier student after graduation?
A: Boss.
Q: Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
A: Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down? Naturally, the students were very upset...some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Q: Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their
vehicles?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
A: Immigration.
______________
Good luck to everyone on your finals. I found this very amusing (perhaps even useful)...
Fun things to do in a final exam that you have not studied for, and you are going to fail the class anyways!
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Bring cheerleaders.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let
them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Come into the exam wearing
slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of
the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Bring pets.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!!"
Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester
long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
