Red Bull Unrailistic | LIVE Broadcast

Member of the Month

PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Ski Jokes or just funny stories

profile picture
RudyGarmisch
Posts: 25443 - Karma: 13,844
Hey, i think i speak for everyone who doesnt have a regular urban jibbing session each day: Im bored. Someone tell some funny stories or ski jokes for some kicks.
Sep 3 2002 12:02AM
0 0
profile picture
freestyleskier14
Posts: 638 - Karma: 8
well I was at the park one time riding up the lift and I was watchin' some boarders hit the grind box. well this one chick jump up and caught her front edge and slid across the whole thing on her stomach, fell off, got up, look around, and just 'skied' away. SO funny 2 see!!!

'Shampoo is beta!'
'NO! Conditioner is beta!'
'I go on first and clean the hair!'
'I leave the hair feeling smooth and silky!'
'O really fool?!'
'O really?!'
.....'STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAAAAN!!!!'
Sep 3 2002 12:11AM
0 0
profile picture
Diabhal
Posts: 1003 - Karma: 10
Once on whistler i was on the chairlift and i saw two snowboarders colide, then they got caught up on eachother and started sliding down the hill... i could hear them screaming... ok so maybe that wasn't tooooo funny, but it was at the time.
'cause i don't get twon days of in a road silly' me trying to make sense

'why is panties plural but bra is singular?'

-are you still drinking jf?
-no no no... thats uhhh all behind me, why? are you buying?
Sep 3 2002 12:24AM
0 0
profile picture
Sean14456
Posts: 4792 - Karma: 38
saw some snowboarder slide a c rail on his ass, damn funny to watch
_________________________________________________________
Proud Leader Of OA-a group for those addicted to oakley products.
Sep 3 2002 12:45AM
0 0
profile picture
schlonginator
Posts: 3971 - Karma: 27
This one time at bandcamp, I got my penis caught in my zipper - just like on 'something about mary' except it was probably worse as there was a shit load of blood pissing out everywhere. Don't ask me how they got it unstuck as i passed out due to a combination of extreme pain and some major haemorrage
Sep 3 2002 1:51AM
0 0
profile picture
dyna-dogg
Posts: 162 - Karma: 10
what do you call two homosexual men on shaped skis?




-parabolicers.
Sep 3 2002 8:39AM
0 0
profile picture
Balmdogg
Posts: 1742 - Karma: 309
wtf was that about?
Sep 3 2002 8:43AM
0 0
profile picture
dez22
Posts: 2959 - Karma: 65
how do you know a ski racer is at a party?

he'll tell you
-------------------
'Pro - peagna? What the fuck is that?' - my friend looking at my Propaganda DvD (he's not to bright)

skiers get head
snowboarders get ass
Sep 3 2002 11:29AM
0 0
profile picture
jonski
Posts: 164 - Karma: 10
okay stupidest thing was I in france, its spring, the line was long. So we volunteered to help ski school take some kids up the lift... anyway get to the gate, the lift stops as some fucker falls off. Just as they start the lift up again, I hear this noise and look up... straight into the path off all this melting snow fallin on me, face first man! But worse I look at this litlle french kid, shes got no snow on her, I look to the roof again like i'm gonna hurt it after punchin the laughin liftie and another load slides straight in my face!! So i'm looking like mr frosty, the liftie is wetting himself as he has to dig out the safety gate, and the fucking little ski school kid hasnt got a sinlge bit of snow on her. That was funny...for everyone in line behind anyway...

Sep 3 2002 4:41PM
0 0
profile picture
Itsbackfliptime
Posts: 18901 - Karma: 75
I was waiting in the lift line and a snowboarder comes flying down the hill and hits a fence. His board went between two pieces of fence and he was stuck. Someone had to take his board off so he could pull his feet out. Another time while on the lift some snowboarders were fighting in the park and one attacked the other with a shovel. Stupid snowboarders.
Sep 3 2002 7:09PM
0 0
profile picture
mammothpunks
Posts: 5724 - Karma: 372
i always find it amusing when you see people, skis and boards in hand, walking DOWN the mountain. some people will just never learn
'hey i did it - give me some props here fockers!' eric spriet after 450 to kinked rail to torn ligiment
http://www.mammothpunks.com CML represent
Sep 3 2002 7:14PM
0 0
profile picture
EastCoastPride
Posts: 11654 - Karma: 4,989
i saw a snowboarders board SNAP in half after he tried to disaster a large kinked rail and he nutted himself bad. ON A SNOWBOARD!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!





... I looked, around, a lousy candle's all i found... You don't know what, we can find, yeah, so why don't you come with me, little girl, on a magic carpet ride. You don't know what, we can seeeeee, yeah, so why don't you tell your dreams to me, fan-ta-sy can set you free. Clooose your eyes girl, looook inside girl, let the sound take you awaaaaaaaaay.
Sep 3 2002 8:18PM
0 0
profile picture
CalgaryJibber
Posts: 1828 - Karma: 19
in new mexico, there was nobodyin line so I was rippin down from the park, and i was gonna air off this lip but some guy in a matchng suit slied out and i sucked up the jump, he fell over, I kept flyin in the air hit a rope noked out the posts and landed in a ed of rocks, and this guys all 'u aighta be cut and im like, jesus u faggot i cant move, get ur gay ass outta her, I know the cheif of mountain hes straight

Don of the Calgary Jib Family
Keep on Keepin on
Sep 4 2002 1:08AM
0 0
profile picture
jibs
Posts: 2529 - Karma: 48
One time, I watched my friend board down this line..and he hit some ice, and fell about 100ft...then stopped for a split second, then slipped again and fell down a 70ft cliff...bouncing off the rocks twice then landing in a heap at the bottom. Then he got up and walked down with just broken bindings. i'm gonna send the video to real tv.


____
Don't think just jump.
Sep 4 2002 5:46PM
0 0
profile picture
Newskoolkavana
Posts: 2098 - Karma: 19
my friend got kicked in the balls, and his balls swelled up to 2 times there size and he couldnt walk for a day. had to go home from school in a wheel chair.

-Kavana

And all the worlds a terrain park, and the people are merely jibbers.
-NewSchool Shakspere
Sep 4 2002 7:56PM
0 0
profile picture
DFT1080
Posts: 998 - Karma: 12
THIS IS THE BEST QUOTE FROM A SNOWBOARDER.
Here's the story: i ski at a small hill near syracuse ny. there are only like for of us with twin tips. one time we built this decent booter and were all practicing switch landings. i tried a 900 for the first time and totally wrecked. then this fagot snowboarder comes up to me and my friends after i hike up to try it again and says to us this: 'JUST 'CAUSE YOU GOT TWO TIPS DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BOARDER SO DON'T EVEN TRY.' We just stare at him with blank faces (dumbfounded) till my my friend just says 'your a fucking idiot.'
Sep 4 2002 9:00PM
0 0
profile picture
WAripper
Posts: 127 - Karma: 10
how many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb???????




9...1 to do it and 8 to say 'nice turns'
SPKA
Sep 4 2002 11:04PM
0 0
profile picture
nickyp
Posts: 5673 - Karma: 215
BUMP



What do you get if you cross one ski with another ski?
A mute






lol
Feb 10 2010 1:38PM
0 0
profile picture
dmc12380
Posts: 3545 - Karma: 792
hahahahaaha thats pretty true
Feb 10 2010 2:36PM
0 0
profile picture
snomaster
Posts: 3336 - Karma: 5,677
How many skiers does in take to screw in a light bulb?







Skiers don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in hot tubs.
Feb 10 2010 2:37PM
0 0
profile picture
Dainsey
Posts: 2263 - Karma: 378
ZOMGZ LIKE SEX THEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE
Feb 10 2010 2:51PM
0 0
profile picture
Literature
Posts: 13673 - Karma: 3,086
What's the best type of cheese for stretching your knee ligaments?










Gagnier.
Feb 10 2010 2:52PM
0 0
profile picture
snomaster
Posts: 3336 - Karma: 5,677
here I am thinking that Rowen made this recently because he's not skiing much and churning out ON3P skis, but no, this is from 2002...
I should've known because he doesn't have time to be bored now!

Anyhow, I got some more:

Q: What do snowbladers use for birth control?
A: Don't have to, their sticks are too short!

Q: How do you get a snowboarder off your porch?
A: Pay for the pizza.

Q: How many ski instructors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Twenty, one to screw in the bulb, then 19 to critique the turns.

Q: How many EPIC members does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Just one, they simply hold it up and let the world revolve around them.

Q: How do you become a millionare as a pro skier?
A: Start out a billionare.
Feb 10 2010 3:00PM
0 0
profile picture
Deletedtoday
Posts: 4060 - Karma: 398
ha love it
Feb 10 2010 3:09PM
0 0
profile picture
nipples-the-cat
Posts: 643 - Karma: 28

haha, i lost

how many snowboarders does it take to hit a jump?

zero, they all just sit and watch..

Feb 10 2010 3:22PM
0 0
profile picture
Blurst
Posts: 13577 - Karma: 10,168
How does a skier get down the hill?





He rides his skis tehehahaeh
Feb 10 2010 3:43PM
0 0
profile picture
ElbridgeGerry
Posts: 5902 - Karma: -27
What's the difference between a snowboard and a vacuum? The way you strap on the dirtbag.
Feb 10 2010 3:45PM
0 0
profile picture
chardi
Posts: 5040 - Karma: 59

haha

why do skiers like handrails

because theyre kinky....

Feb 10 2010 3:52PM
0 0
profile picture
snomaster
Posts: 3336 - Karma: 5,677
awesome!
Feb 10 2010 3:59PM
0 0
profile picture
Peach.
Posts: 3879 - Karma: 933

How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a light bulb?

27 one to do it and the rest to sit on the landing.

Feb 10 2010 4:24PM
0 0
profile picture
Ian.Ham
Posts: 1678 - Karma: 1,101
Once my ski team and I were at a contest and there is a big line for the lift (which is a slow, non-detachable 2 person chairlift).  And this little kid on my ski team who is maybe 3 foot 5 randomly takes his ski off while we are standing in line, jumps over the fence that keeps you out of the wheel where the chairs come swinging around and picks up a snowball.  Just as he is about to throw it at someone another person on our team sees him at tells him to watch out.  He just starts to turn around when a chair hits him flat in the back and levels him.  He then got up, threw the snowball, and put on his skis in utter embarrassment.  We all thought it was hilarious.
Feb 10 2010 4:33PM
0 0
profile picture
bitchezluv=]
Posts: 869 - Karma: 43
well today it was school skiing and our school had a pd day and damn snowboarders were just standing at the end of the landing so i charge off the jump yell this is sparta and javelin throw my poles at them and go spra them as i go pick up pole and thank god andie our ex military liftie didnt catch me doing this or i would be crucified haha classic
Mar 6 2010 2:34AM
0 0
profile picture
DrZoidberg
Posts: 5675 - Karma: 4,268
Kid in my anatomy class goes "Hey, how many poles do you ski with?" I was like "What, uh two," and he goes "Well I saw somebody skiing with only one, he must have been good."

Does skiing with only one pole make you better?
Mar 6 2010 8:33AM
0 0
profile picture
notadoctor
Posts: 398 - Karma: 589
Q: What's the difference between a ski instructor and a mutual fund?
A: Eventually the mutual fund will mature and make a little money.

Q: What's the difference between a snowboarder and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.

Q: What's the hardest part about being a snowblader?
A: Telling your parents you're gay.

Q: What's the difference between God and a ski instructor?
A: God doesn't think he's a ski instructor.
Mar 6 2010 3:07PM
0 0
profile picture
asfffffffffdd
Posts: 1554 - Karma: 1,103
good stuff
Mar 6 2010 7:10PM
0 0
profile picture
Walter.
Posts: 215 - Karma: 450
27. 1 to do it, 4 to say they can do better, and the rest to sit on the landing....
Mar 6 2010 8:56PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-4)