Basically as the title says, if you ask me about anything, I will answer. It can be advice or any curiosity at how awesome it is to be me. I will try to update this as much as possible so keep checking back!
OH.Holliday- Poles or no poles?
- Personally poles because they can help you with speed when you need it, but I can see why some people would go without poles. Without poles you could grab easier, it feels awesome having free hands and you can even jerk off both your boyfriends while riding the lift! Then again I don't grab, I don't mind holding onto poles while skiing and I don't mind substituting my mouth in for one of my hands on the lift.
ccmountain- what is this? i don't even.
- You don't even... what? You don't know how to fucking read? That must be it because if you did, you'd know that this is a place for people to ask shit and get a response. Even if the question is dumb as shit, I'll still answer it and I just proved that by responding to yours, mr. i-cant-read-for-shit-because-my-parents-were-too-busy-doing-meth-to-send-me-to-grade-school.
Bukkakeskitrip- what would you do if you werent an ugly ginger?
- I'd probably be doing the same awesome and fun stuff that I'm doing now... but I'd probably be getting more pussy while I do.
karlslayher- Skiierman, I ordered a ski jacket online and they sent me two, however I only paid for one. What should i do with the other one? Sell it send it back, give it away?
- I honestly believe you should do the right thing and send that shit to me. I need some ski gear that's not 5 years old.
freestylefarr- what do you think of all these chineese advertisements?
- No idea what the fuck you're talking about. On another note, I can't wait to see China really back up North Korea in the next few months... or should I say pussy out because they know how awesome America is.
young_hawaii- what would you do if you couldn't ski?
- If I couldn't ski I would be going to the gym, getting super ripped and researching a cure for gingervitis... or maybe this http://www.pinkbike.com/video/121262/
Theron.- Hello, Skiierman. What is your opinion on Park City painting all the rails green?
- I'm a fan of them even if a certain polar bear doesn't like the color green.
- NM, jus chillin lol, u?
chocolate- Disgusting filth like you should have no part of a site like this.
- I don't blame you for being angry because you're a woman. You're illogical, emotional and lack driving skills or any athletic ability for that matter. If my status was based only on how well I could take a dick, I'd be pissed off at everyone on a ski site also. Nah I'm kidding, I don't believe women are like that... I just think you're a bitch.
nacho.steez- Im havin trouble whipping my 7s around. Any tips?
- Keep on practicing. I landed my first 7 while I was still at my home mountain where I was one of the only park skiers and had to learn them myself. Just keep that head looking for the landing and keep on hucking yourself until you learn it. I personally found the bigger the jump, the easier it was to get it around the first time, but if you bail on the trick, you're going to eat shit hard so commit. If I can do it, anyone with a functioning body can do it.
Arabian.- 1. Can jesus microwave a burrito so hot, he himself could not eat it?
- Jesus could make wine out of water and he could create a feast out of one fish ovary. Why would he ever eat such shitty food as Mexican? So no he couldn't because he would never microwave a burrito when he has free liquor and unlimited sushi.
2. Fucking magnets, how do they work?
- Fuck should I know, no one tells me how they do. I mean scientists try but they piss me off so fucking much that I don't listen to their stupid asses.
3. Given the choice between Sarah Palin fucking you, and you fucking Glenn Beck, which would you choose?
- Are you fucking stupid? Sarah Palin because she's bangin. I constantly have wet dreams about a threesome with Palin and her butter-face daughter.
4. If we teamed up and created a website called schoonewlers.com, would you moderate it with me?
- Fuck no. That's a terrible name for a site which leads me to believe that you'd make a terrible business partner.
5. What are your thoughts on the mods and/or do you think I'm sexy, and you want my body?
- Most of the mods are insecure douche bags with no original thoughts and feel threatened by anyone more awesome than them. Man if you heard some of the dirt, you'd know why some of them feel so good about having a position of power, albeit a small one.
6. Which is better, steak or ribs?
- Steak is only better than ribs because you get more of it. If they made a hybrid between steak and ribs, it would be the perfect food item.
7. Im curious about black pussy, what should I do?
- Taste the brown sugar, my friend. Tell me how it is.
Liam.Butler- Should I hit my girl friend when she is sassing me?
- When she is sassing you, its usually not cause for physical violence. To deal with sass, all you need to do is make her remember that you're the alpha male- leader of this pack. This can be achieved by letting her know how worthless, sad and helpless she would be without you. Once she realizes this, then my friend, she will remember why she needs you. Oh and if it does warrant violence, be sure to use wet, knotted-end kitchen towels to minimize bruising.
eljefe- what is skiierman's divine purpose on this earth?
- My divine purpose has not yet been released to me. The information will come to me through divine visions in which I will be told of a new testament to the bible. These tablets will be my guide to creating a new religion- the RIGHT religion. We will move off west and start a new country, which will not become a country because the country we are separating from (which was born on the idea of religious freedom), thinks our religion is too weird to be its own country. But luckily, I happen to settle us in an awesome area filled with the best skiing and outdoors in the world to live on happily and carrying on the divine truth: gays are the devil's ejaculate.
oboe$- So there's this girl at school that I am REALLLLLY interested in. She is the apple of my eye. I think she may be my one true love, and I knew this from the first time I laid eyes her. The problem is, she's with a guy right now...and older man. How should I go about telling her my true feelings for her? How should I "dispose" of this guy? I really need all of the steps to how I should go about this. Thanks skiierman! Oh yeah. This girl may or may not be a teacher.
- Hey man nothing wrong with the cougars, I understand that. One of my favorite events to go to is the Sundance Film Festival to go cougar hunting and boy lemme tell you, cougars are plentiful. OK, she's with a guy but they may/may not be married. Who knows? The school doesn't let that kind of information public so you have to find out before making your move. Follow her home one day from school and make camp for a day or two (make sure its the weekends so she doesn't get suspicious when you don't show up). Gather your intel and if she only has a husband, find the right time to make your move. Older women love confidence so ask her in a casual setting and by her last name THEN ask if you can call her by her first name. This will show confidence but also show that you're respectful. Next ask for some time with her after school. For example, out of class tutoring or hell if she's got a pool (should be in your intel from the stake out) let her know of your pool boy services. Oh and you won't have to dispose of the husband because cougars cannot be restrained by a golden collar on one of their claws.
Granite_State- uwhere do babies cum from?
- Man meets a girl at a party. Being at that party, neither of them have condoms and are drunk so they stupidly fuck anyways because fucking while drunk is AWESOME. Guy blows his load in the girl, they pull up their pants and notice the room they're in has no door. But being drunk, they laugh it off and head off different ways. They never see each other again. 6 months later, the guy gets a call from a number not recognizable. It's the girl he fucked, she's pregnant. A few months later, a baby is born and another young girl's garden gates look like the joker tried to eat a lit M-80. That's where babies come from, stupid drunk decisions.
CL@SSy- what do i fap to tomorrow?
- Probably all the same underage and anime porn on 4chan that you watched the last time you "fapped".
gabe.- last summer one of my friends brought over his rail to my house, because they were moving to a new a house and needed somewhere to keep it. sense then, i have invested good money into keeping it in good condition. PVC broke, i went out and bought new ones. some of the boards broke, i went out and bought new 2X4's. so i spent my hard earned $. last week they finalized the purchase and want there rail back. technically, yes it is there rail but i really put money into it, tended it, fixed and i feel like it has almost became mine. so what do i do?
a: give it back to them, and not have a rail and subsequently loose money
b: say its mine, i put money into it, and be a little bitch about it
c: be a bitch and take the pvc and wood i paid for off, and give them whats left
they live like 10 minuets away
it was in my backyard all summer
it was in OK shape. it was built by us, so it was great or anything. but it saw substantial wear over the summer, and some of it was from the owner himself.
- Well man based on those facts, I'd say its not worth losing a friend over. Go talk to them about how you feel but don't be gay about it. Since you guys live so close leave it at their house and session it whenever you want worse comes to worse. Once winter hits, you guys won't be wasting much time on it anyways. This happens a lot where you feel like you might have contributed more than your friends have on whatever but at those times you gotta bite the bullet. At the end of the day, your friends are all you got and sessioning a rail by yourself is hardly fun.
Joe.P- So. What goes through your mind when you wake up? Is it who you are going to eat today? Or how to insult more idiots. I don't know whether to commemorate you or type insults at you. Consider my question this: Should I hate you or tolerate your "e-presence?" Also, are you a cannibal?
- Joe, I expect you to do whatever the fuck you want. It is a website and whatever happens online shouldn't affect how you feel. As you can tell a lot of people on this site do care what I say but that's OK. Its OK because without all those sobbing pussies, who would do the bitch work like volunteering to clean up oil spills or donating money to the keep-the-homeless-drunk foundations? You need someone to clean up the blood after you club that baby seal or else you got bloody snow. I don't know about you but I'm fine without looking like I'm slashing turns on a giant used Tampax. Although it is an important role in society, I wouldn't recommend it if you have a pair of balls. To add to that, I'm not a cannibal. I love meat, just not the kind I could legally fuck before eating.