Sleep is a funny thing. I havent been getting much of it recently. Last night I probably got a combined total of 2 hours of sleep. But its not really sleep. Not when you wake after 20 minutes with a jerk and your heart is beating at the speed of sound. It puts you in a great mood to wake up again in another 20 minutes to take a biochemistry exam.
When it rains, it pours. Who knows why all the things that have slowly stacked up in life keel over and bury you during finals. Probably stress. For the last 3 years, I've consistently had something come up during finals week. Catching a cold the weekend before. Someone totaling your car. A family member gets very sick. Your girlfriend breaks up with you. Or a combination of two, three or more. Its happened.
I think above all, I crave simplicity in my life. This is most apparent when (you guessed it) I ski. I love skiing. The simple freedom of being able to ski anywhere and go anywhere on the mountain. The raw fear and adrenaline it drags out of your heart and stomach when your ski tips go over the edge of a 30 foot drop. But skiing powder is best. Skiing in powder feels so easy, so simple, and is so calming, soothing and perfect that you wish you could just live your life skiing endless chest deep lines. In those moments, I find myself in the most natural and simple state - complete and utter happiness. Its bliss. Its perfect. In those precious few runs you get a season, nothing else matters except for the growing smile on your face as you bask in the pure simplicity of it all. To me, nothing feels more natural. Its home.
So back to the moment. Its a little past 3 by now, and as stated, I do have an exam tomorrow. Last night, I couldnt stop replaying ideas in my head. About how I would love to have all my problems resolved. Evaporated. I'd imagine ways in which I could ace all my finals and release myself from the personal issues that have repeatedly dragged me down over the last week. I'm turning in with a different plan tonight. Call it a state of nirvana if you will, but I'm going to call it 'my never ending powder run'. Goodnight all.