“I’ll talk about Trump all damn day,” Grandma Julie said with an attitude, “but I swear to god, if anyone brings up poles versus no poles, I will leave the house.” Thanksgiving is a time for reflection, family, and food. Family arguments are, however, almost as inevitable as eating too much turkey. The matriarch of the Hall family, Julie told the Radical Radish that she will be having none of it this year. She continued, “every year it happens, Simon, my granddaughter Sarah’s husband always brings it up, which is better, poles or no poles?” Insisting that she never approved of the marriage in the first place Grandma Julie and the Hall clan are staunch supporters of the no pole movement. Grandma explained, “it’s even catching on in powder. Did you see how fucking sick Ahmet’s Book of Times part was?”

Sarah rolled her eyes when asked about the annual thanksgiving table talk, saying that she was raised in a no pole family, but her mother needs to open her eyes and realize that it’s 2016 and it’s okay to ski however you want to. Overhearing this comment, Grandma snapped back “are you kidding me?! That Simon needs to take his poles out of his ass and watch LSM ski. No poles is the future. Period.”

Simon refused to comment, deferring to a pre-prepared statement. The statement reads, “I have tried time and time again to plead my case, however, I will choose to honor Grandma Hall’s opinion, even though it is wrong and skiers look dumb without poles.”

With groups like The Bunch coming to power in 2016, and the rise of The Quad, thanksgiving dinner tables like the Hall’s will without doubt hold the anger and uncertainty of a nation starved for a good winter. In these trying days and times, it is important to remember that there will always be one thing that all skiers can agree upon, we’re all fucked when global warming wipes out winter for good.


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