This is my first season and I have encountered many different people. In Europe the ski season isn’t merely about skiing, it’s also about getting too drunk and having a great time in the evenings. So I have decided to categorise the types of seasonnaires.

First off you have the park rat (me). This breed of seasonnaire, will always get the park lift up and down all day long. You may be lucky enough to see one on the piste or maybe even off piste, but most likely you will be a better skier than them because they never actually learnt to ski properly, they just went straight to the park. Whatever ability they are, they will always be cutting you up on the piste, jib almost anything, go way too fast or the more audacious will try the biggest spin they can off the tiniest ledge. However you will find their short journey on the piste will be merely to get to the park or back home. When in the park they will be complaining about how little kids cut up the jump or asking ‘is the red light on my gopro on’ or ‘am I too hungover for the park?’ When they’ve finished skiing they’re going back to ‘make an edit’ . This seasonnaire however always has to brag when back at home about the ‘triple cork’ they’ve done, because who’s going to know what they’ve done because no one apart from the ‘rats’ go to the park, so no evidence for or against it.

Next you have the ‘there’s one cloud in the sky, I won’t be able to see anything’ type of person. This person is almost always a girl. Sometimes a boy. This breed go out once or twice a week and are always fresh but however refuse to go out skiing on even the best of days, claiming they have things to do, or they’re tired, despite the fact they went to bed at 10 o’clock. These people annoyingly always have the most time off, and can go skiing the most. When they do go skiing they will do about 4 runs in the afternoon then go to the apres bar, and hit it hard, they will look the best, and have the most fun. However they will not be seen until the evening, in their pyjamas, when everyone else is getting ready for the night out.

Then you have the two polar opposites. The ‘I’m here to ski person’ and ‘I hope you all realise that we’re going large tonight.’ The I’m here to ski person will be out the minute they finish work and back the minute before. Often is an off piste skier, who has a load of equipment and is just too good, everyone loves to ski with him, he will know all the best places to ski. He is out by himself most of the times, that is normally because you can’t see shit, but there’s 1 cm of powder so he’s out for that ‘fresh pow’ everyone else can’t be bothered. This person will go out maybe on a rare occasion such as a birthday, but always has a tummy ache just when everyone is getting ready. On the other end of the spectrum the other person is not out skiing, they are in bed recovering having their tummy ache and or headache in the day. Come the evening there is a burst of energy, usually from the help of someone called Amanda, whoever the fuck she is. Then this person, will head into town go hard until about 6 in the morning, see everyone in town, be on a constant mission to meet people and to get everyone battered, buy everyone a kebab, but will end up be carried home by his friends, unless he is lucky enough to keep going until 6 in the morning. If he is he will suddenly realise he starts work on the earliest shift, normally 7 in the morning, and somehow, serve breakfast. The preferred job of these people is normally a chef or KP so no one actually sees that they’re gurning or not blinking and have pupils as big as an owl.

These people are not exactly like that, they are more a mix of all three, some days you will be one type of person, the next day another, which is what makes a season so much fun, you can be lazy, you can be active, you can go crazy and no gives a shit, which is exactly why I will be here next season.


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