Hi I’m Landon Spear. You may remember me from such Jibij updates
as: Around the World in 101 days (part 1), Around the World in 101 days (part
2), Smokey the Bear We Hardly Knew Ye and Hobo Hunting: a Fun but Illegal
Pastime. (okay those last two haven’t
happened yet) And so, after a delay
between sequels that would make George Lucas jealous… I welcome you to the
third and final installment of my epic journey around the world in 101
days. *thunderous applause* In the last
two installments we saw deserts, mountains, Chinese people (over 16?), Japanese
schoolgirls, back flips off pyramids and ancient ruins, Egyptian hookahs,
Japanese midgets and me… awesome, awesome me.
Now here is the thrilling conclusion of this awesomely spectacular
Welcome to motherf!@#ing Istanbul!!
The party capital of the
Bosphorus. In one word I would describe
this place as dope. Two words? Totally dope. East meets west. The only
country to span two continents. The
city of hookahs, tea and Turkish coffee.
Big bridges and an awesome night scene.
Mosques, churches, Jesus, Mohammed, it’s all good baby.
This is the Hagia Sophia. Used to be a church, got ransacked a few
times, turned to a Mosque, then back again.
It’s red, it’s got towers, it’s cool… Lets move on
Underground water storage crazy
place. Kinda looks like a level from
This is what the new Jibij
corporate jet will look like.
This was going to be an excellent
picture… Until I realized his gun was pointing right at my face. Then it became more excellent.
We took a plane from Istanbul to
Trabzon. Through a combination of
Turkish airline food and the excitement I felt when I saw the snow on these
mountains (which was the first snow I’d seen so far) that I nearly sharted
This is Trabzon.
This is the Sumela Monastery. It started as a Christian monastery back in
the 300’s when they carved that bitch out of the mountainside.
Next we headed out to Erzerum
because we heard there was skiing there.
The resort is called Pallendoken and a few pro skiers went there last
year (I’m not saying who) but I do know that I was there first. How do I know that? Despite our honest-looking Turkish
bus-driver’s best assurances, we were, in fact, one week early for the ski
season. So, while the hotel was quite
empty and cheap, there was nothing much to do besides check out mosques, hang
with the local kids and get a haircut from a bald Turkish man.
Apparently Eva Longoria has a
second career modeling for Turkish chocolate ads. That’s hot.
The next country on this journey is
Croatia. These pictures were taken just
outside Split in a national park.
What did John Travolta yell to
Quentin Tarantino in Pulp Fiction when Uma Thurman was ODing on the floor?
GET THE SHOT!!
This is a swan… or something.
Keepin it gangsta on top of the
scariest tower I’ve ever climbed.
Seriously, the metal stairway was only connected with a few bolts that
looked like they were put in about the same time as silent movies became popular.
This is Sarajevo. Perhaps you remember it from the news a few
years ago. Unless you live in a
cardboard box behind Blockbuster with no TV, internet, money or self respect. In which case, how are you reading this
update? Also, get a job!
This is opening day at the Bosnian
Olympic ski resort. Yes, the Olympics
were in Yugoslavia in 1984. Shortly
before it divided into ethnic centered nations and they all started genociding
each other. This resort is about the
size of Eldora. (Colorado skiers should
be laughing now) However, unlike
Eldora, on this so very glorious of opening days there was waist deep powder
Yes, I’m skiing in jeans. With rental boots, no ski socks. And rental Fischer racing skis from the late
90’s. And no goggles. Booyah.
My friend Canada eating it.
Despite all that, there are no
excuses on a powder day. GTS baby.
Like many buildings in Bosnia and
especially Sarajevo, this building was still covered in bullet holes from the
Yugoslav civil war in the 90’s.
Our boat, back in Dubrovnik,
This building just didn’t look the
same without Natalie Portman walking around with R2-D2.
Spainish graffiti. (yes that’s an
intentional misspelling of Spanish)
If I was her, I’d be a lot more
scared of that Spanish soul-stealing robot pirate.
First person to name which Tony
Hawk game this level is from gets a coupon for five high-fives from me,
redeemable at any time.
Artsy, I know.
This is the Sagrada Familia. AAAAAH
AAH AAAAAAH AAAAAH OOOOH (chanting monk sounds)
Then I saw FCBacelona kick some ass
in a sold out 100,000 person stadium.
Four words: Spanish people can freaking party.
Gotta make sure the Spanish know
what’s up with energy drinks.
Coming back to America.
Where the buildings are big and
boobs are bigger. Also coke.
If I had any doubts whether I had
actually gone all the way around the world, this car dealer made damn sure I
knew I was back in America. And so, I
flew back to Colorado where the ski season was already underway, it being late
December and all.
So the first thing I did was take a
trip across I-80 and the rest of Wyoming to Jackson Hole.
More face shots than Jenna Jameson.
Back to KEYSTONE!!
Gotta round this baby out somehow.
Your local skydiving dentist Mr.
Well kids, that’s all for this
adventure. Join us this season for more
Jibtastic updates and wackier shenanigans than you will find on anybody else’s
updates. I will leave you now with a
few words of advice.
Pray for snow. Until it gets here. Then, GO SKIING!!!