So I'm in college right now, during my freshman year; so I live in a dorm. So me and my roommate have been friends since high school but, ever since coming to college, we don't really talk except in the room a little. Over the course of the last month or so, I've slowly been getting more and more annoyed, and I'm a really laid-back person...like it takes a lot to get on my nerves.
So anyways, I think last night was the last straw.
So let me set the mood, we live in a decently sized dorm, but it's still a dorm. My bed is in the back left corner, his in the front left corner, so both on the left side wall, basically facing each other. My bed is set up to where I look towards the door to the hall.
We usually don't turn the lights off until around 1 or 2am. I have a quiz at 8am and a test later in the day, so around 1:30 comes, and he turns the lights off. Sweet. So I'm used to having that little sliver of light shine from under the door, roommate (lets go with Johnny just for sake of not being a complete dick) has light coming from his bed, I'm thinking okay, he's just chilling doing something on his phone before bed, he'll turn the lights out soon.
So, I start to fall asleep because I'm tired and have tests and whatnot. Now, until I completely fall asleep, I'm a light sleeper, after I fall asleep completely, I don't wake up for much.
2:15 comes around and he's still got the light on, so at this point, I'm a little bugged. I try and go back to sleep, taking me about 15-20 minutes, then, it starts. Around 2:40, I'm assuming little Johnny thought I was knocked, he was wrong. I hear this interesting sound and can't quite figure it out. Sounds...very squishy. Like 5 minutes in, it clicks.. is this nigga really trying to bust a nut over there with me in the room? I'm hoping to God not, but I can't fall asleep with this weird noise.
Then it gets worse, little johnny brings out the lotion. At this point, I know exactly what is happening because every guy knows that squishy back and forward sound of choking the chicken all rubbed down in lotion. Like this dude must've used the entire bottle because it's excessively lotiony.
Sometime passes, johnny still bopping his lotion covered bologna, me laying in the corner shocked and scarred for life already. Then, he starts going innnn. This shit is bad. Full on hard jerking. Just imagine trying to pull the choke on a weed eater really fast, covered in lotion. You can't forget the lotion. That's how excessive and obvious this noise was.
Like 5 minutes goes by of hard lotion jerking, and it happens. The quiet moans and grunts of a dude that's about to be his own best friend. I'm just sitting there like I wanna go to sleep. Then it's all ogre. Johnny finishes. It's easy to tell because of the synonymous sounds that go along with finishing. There’s the final sigh of relief that comes from the opposite side of the room. Little johnny closes up the lotion bottle, and sets it on his desk, you know the sound of closing a bottle and setting it down. Then there’s the shutting of the laptop and headphones and he sets it on the desk as well.
So yeah, my roommate little johnny lotion busted a nut with me in the room where he apparently thought I was asleep. My big thing was the fucking lotion. Like that shit is imprinted in my brain forever now.