This one is great:
downed about 1 gram in the bong and 2 brownies. late at night, i was playing elder scrolls oblivion. for a few hours straight. I forgot what reality was. So i have this katana, IRL. i equip that on my belt with ductape. got a ton of tin foil out, and made body armor. I decided i was ready at this point, i went outside and theres this swampland/woods outside my place. went over there and then drew my sword out.
I thought that maybe if i get some practice with my sword i can slowly level up that ability each day.
but i said fuck it to going into the woods and was patrolling the street, looking for bandits, etc. see a police car, and duck in this ditch. luckily they dont spot me. decided to lay low in this ditch for awhile, so i pulled out a bottle of rum. woke up the next day on grass under a tree to a bunch of little kids voices in the distance, i was at my old elementary school...loaded a bowl and took a few hits. walked into the school, said i was here to deliver something to the office, then took a piss, and finished the bowl from earlier in the bathroom. walkout and realize fuck i was in the girls bathroom. woops...
got kinda hungry, decided to find the school cafeteria, eventually found the room where they keep all the food. the mexican lady there didnt speak much english so i just kept saying i was here to inspect the food. and she let me pass by. grabbed some fruit snacks a burrito and some milk. then i thought, hey this lady doesnt speak english i can get away with this, so really fast i took a hit and blew it in her face, then ran away with the food.
next i wanted to get my thieving skills up, so i found my old house i used to live in, and broke in since the windows were unlocked, i figured the people that lived there were gone. (no cars parked, lights off). just chilled there smoked up, drank all the guys beers and ate there leftovers. watched some HBO on there plasma screen. had to take a piss, fuck it, pissed on the carpet so i could keep watching tv. got bored of tv, and decided to look around the house, found his comp, and jacked off once (internet porn). left the porn on, didnt see a point in clearing history. I left him a note that said "whoever cooked this is a decent chef" in there fridge, as i was looking around the fridge i found a jar of strawberry jam, my dick has sperm on it, i needed a way to clean it off. i stuck my boner in the strawberry jam a few times.
left my old house. went home and passed out. woke up the next day and i was like wtf have i been doing? most of it was a blur. but i came to my senses.
"Pretty sure your logic is airtight, just like Max Hill's jeans" - .Tom.
"Try coming to the midwest, where rails are made of rust and tetinus, run ins are about as wide as my wrist, and the landings look like the first 15 minutes of Saving Private Ryan" - hendriab
S.I.P Sarah, CR, Shane
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