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I grew up in New York City, and I used to run around Brooklyn quite a bit as a youth, but it has been a while since I actually took a walk around Williamsburg and said words to people and listened to their words in return. I endeavored to do so last weekend, and found out that my old stomping grounds have become a festering dung heap of irony.
I challenge you to examine the following syllogism and dispute its inevitable conclusion:
Premise 1:
Hipsters look disgusting. It appears to me that they dress in a manner intended to obscure those few remnants of sexuality that haven’t fallen casualty to their inactive lifestyle and lax hygiene.
Premise 2:
Hipsters have these funny flat bumbums. Those hindquarters are useless. I know about their silly little bottoms because a few of these ninnies auditioned their extended backs for the role of my gentelmanly rump in my new film. Nice try douchebags, maybe another year’s worth of PBRs will help you fill out.
Hipsters have babydicks. Sorry gang, excuse my language. Let me rephrase: Hipsters have ironic genitalia.
Premise 4:
Hipsters are not providers. Every time a hipster breathes, America’s GDP pees a little. However, hipsters’ counter-establishment vitriol remains fully subsidized by their well-established parents, who don’t know what else to offer their preternaturally hip offspring than a credit card and the occasional “Nice t-shirt…I like how it has words and colors.”
Premise 5:
Inexplicably, it seems that hipsters manage to get laid. Fairly often, actually. During my evening out in Williamsburg, I saw not less than three cute little riot grrls walking home, each with her own filthy pet hipster, hand dug deep into his flat-bottom pocket, conveying a clear intention to accept an imminent deposit of hipseed. Gross.
Conclusion:
Despite all of their selective disadvantages, hipsters manage to procreate fairly efficiently. Accordingly, it seems that hipsters buck the tenets of Darwinism and constitute the missing link of Intelligent Design doctrine. However, if we accept the corollary that man is created in the image of God, we must also accept the meta-conclusion that Jesus was a hipster fuck who spent most of this time cruising Nazareth dive bars, bumming cigarettes and running PBR tabs on the Holy Father’s Mastercard.
Fuck you, hipster Jesus. Get a job.
i couldn't agree more. I'm from denver and before the band 303 alot of people at my school would throw up the hand signal and just be stoked that we live in colorado and its a bomb place to be. Now every virgin girl goes to a 3oh!3 concert and tells all her friends how badass she is and what good music they make.... the guys have no musical talent and just have some goofy interesting lyrics
also i didn't know it was hipster but i love flannel shirts, god damn they are comfy
haha I think this hipster thing is really funny. Anyone else notice the irony.
your soooooo anti-mainstream that you wear everything thats not mainstream: big flannel shirts, skinny jeans, thrift store clothes, truck stop clothes, fake plastic sunglasses, you ride ten speed bikes, smoke ciggaretes, and listen to music I've never heard of.
But because theres so many of you doing this, it has become mainstream!
And it gets better...
Now, its become so popular, that theres people claiming ([wh@t]) that they've been doing this all along: they just happen to wear all the same clothes that are hipster, but nooo, they aren't hipster, they are just doing what they want to do. Which, let me remind you, IS EXACTLY WHAT THE AUTHOR STATED YOU WOULD BE LIKE IN THE ARTICLE: denying that your actually a hipster.
POSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YO NS, THIS KID AIN'T ONE OF US
HE SAID HES A HIPSTER
