This is a question sent to an advice column in a magazine. The response to this woman's "dilemma" kills me:
Dilemma: Dear Lynn,
I have a HUGE crush on a gorgeous guy who is rich, smart and funny - in short, perfect for me. Not to sound boastful, but I'm a young, extremely attractive, successful gal. My dilemma? Mr. Parfait is involved with a dowdy, older (than me) woman who no one likes. I've invited them both to a dinner party, and wonder what I should wear and how I can best snatch this gem? -name withheld, Toronto.
Answer: Miss Thing,
What a devastating dilemma! Why are all the great guys taken by women who clearly don't deserve them? I think you should emulate Nancy Allen in Carrie and pour a bucket of pigs' blood on her head during the main course.
In truth, I can't advise you strongly enough to keep your hands off. I doubt she deserves this kind of malice-with-forethought and any stealable man isn't worth having. If you must proceed, why not dress as the monster you are in a headdress of snakes, a scale covered bodysuit and a choice set of fangs or horns. Try Malabar costume shop or just ask Satan the next time you two are speaking. -lynn.
Well I thought it was funny.....