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Bored at work tell me a joke

snapped
Posts: 109 - Karma: 251
Apr 10 2015 8:18PM

Sitting in a dead hotel rental shop while WSSF is going off everywhere else.. Tell me a joke NS

inb4 TBK ski co

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Ghoster
Posts: 261 - Karma: 1,871
Apr 10 2015 8:20PM

Your life

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shotvet
Posts: 302 - Karma: 1,614
Apr 10 2015 8:22PM

Why did the elephants get kicked out of the swimming pool????

They kept dropping their trunks...

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stinky_cheese
Posts: 1215 - Karma: 5,118
Apr 10 2015 8:23PM

GhosterYour life

op getting #rekt

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snapped
Posts: 109 - Karma: 251
Apr 10 2015 8:27PM

stinky_peteop getting #rekt

Guess the worst part is I actually laughed..

In another note how are you in every thread writing #rekt

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rballs_
Posts: 709 - Karma: 2,992
Apr 10 2015 8:41PM

What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face.

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OP_has_Aids
Posts: 183 - Karma: 837
Apr 10 2015 8:49PM

GhosterYour life

10/10

Your dreams

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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,182
Apr 10 2015 9:12PM

Since you're in Canada.

Have you ever thought why the maple leafs suck?because their name is fucking maple leaf. Hockey is one of the toughest games out there and you call your team maple leafs. That's not fucking scary. That makes two dudes butt fucking in the middle of Mardi grass look like a steal cage match. Maple leafs are the least scariest thing ever. They create fucking maple syrup. Change your name leafs and you might actually win a game

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OzzyJ
Posts: 723 - Karma: 927
Apr 10 2015 10:24PM

UglyboySince you're in Canada.

Have you ever thought why the maple leafs suck?because their name is fucking maple leaf. Hockey is one of the toughest games out there and you call your team maple leafs. That's not fucking scary. That makes two dudes butt fucking in the middle of Mardi grass look like a steal cage match. Maple leafs are the least scariest thing ever. They create fucking maple syrup. Change your name leafs and you might actually win a game

Hate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.

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OzzyJ
Posts: 723 - Karma: 927
Apr 10 2015 10:26PM

OzzyJHate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.

sorry for dub post but I thought about it and if you think about it scientifically the leaves allow the trunk to grow which provides the sap for syrup so in a roundabout way maple leaves do make syrup but it is actually just the phloem in the tree that provide sap.

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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,182
Apr 10 2015 10:45PM

OzzyJHate to break it to you but they don't use maple leaves to make maple syrup.

Don't read too much into the actual science behind the joke. But that joke killed it in Montreal when said it.

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spliff.Life
Posts: 7847 - Karma: 1,549
Apr 10 2015 10:48PM

Leaves?

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rudager
Posts: 11332 - Karma: 4,597
Apr 10 2015 11:13PM

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

I wouldn't let a lentil on my face

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Anathema
Posts: 21048 - Karma: 5,061
Apr 10 2015 11:20PM

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerus

elephino (shrugs)

it's funnier to say in person, ok

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GayWolf420
Posts: 36697 - Karma: 110,726
Apr 10 2015 11:21PM

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender then calmly explains to the horse that he cannot be here because bars are no places for horses. Then the bartender promptly escorts the horse out of the bar and calls animal control.

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ESAND
Posts: 1607 - Karma: 744
Apr 11 2015 12:17AM

AnathemaWhat do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerus

elephino (shrugs)

it's funnier to say in person, ok

That joke cracked me up when I heared it for the first time in December.

It doesn't really work on the Internet though.

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SFB
Posts: 8895 - Karma: 26,347
Apr 11 2015 1:24AM

what do you call a bird that sticks to your jacket??

A VEL_CROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Apr 11 2015 2:30AM

Q: Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?

A: Because it's pointless.

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Chubz.
Posts: 13918 - Karma: 25,656
Apr 11 2015 2:55AM

rballs_What's the difference between a priest and acne?

Acne waits until you're 12 to come on your face.

Hahaha

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LightSyde
Posts: 104 - Karma: 169
Apr 11 2015 10:15AM

Why are black people so tall?

Because their knee-grows

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nutz.
Posts: 3150 - Karma: 6,712
Apr 11 2015 10:24AM

UglyboyDon't read too much into the actual science behind the joke. But that joke killed it in Montreal when said it.

I'm in montreal and that joke sure didn't kill me!

Way too long and not remotely funny ahaha (and i'm not even a leafs fan), they were probably just being nice to an out of towner

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S.J.W
Posts: 7609 - Karma: 31,182
Apr 11 2015 10:54AM

nutz.I'm in montreal and that joke sure didn't kill me!

Way too long and not remotely funny ahaha (and i'm not even a leafs fan), they were probably just being nice to an out of towner

I swear it's funnier when delivered right

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VD.
Posts: 4054 - Karma: 4,564
Apr 11 2015 11:16AM

There’s only one phrase that I really want to learn in sign language...

'I hear what you’re saying.'

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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11953 - Karma: 12,296
Apr 11 2015 2:08PM

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.

Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can't do stand up.

What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

inb4 dingosean

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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Apr 12 2015 1:06AM

A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass.

''Why do you have a cork up your ass?''

''Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!'''

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CheesusChrist
Posts: 159 - Karma: 345
Apr 26 2015 8:27AM

Not really a 'joke' but I geeked the fuck out when I saw on Yik yak yesterday:

"Kissing makes my whole day, anal makes my hole weak"

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no_steeze
Posts: 23992 - Karma: 4,270
Apr 26 2015 12:10PM

Two Chinese guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "why the same face?"

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Nikolaus
Posts: 863 - Karma: 995
Apr 26 2015 3:58PM

your penis

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fresh_prince
Posts: 993 - Karma: 11,910
Apr 26 2015 5:40PM

snappedGuess the worst part is I actually laughed..

In another note how are you in every thread writing #rekt

#rekt

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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Apr 26 2015 5:56PM

Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?

A: "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"

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proZach
Posts: 7163 - Karma: 917
Apr 26 2015 8:07PM

what's Mario's favorite pair of pants?

denim denim denim

why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

he had no body to go with

whats a pirates favorite letter?

you think it be the R, but 'tis the C!

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Cyabski
Posts: 188 - Karma: 795
Apr 26 2015 11:12PM

Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her back yard?.... Neither did she.

Why didn't Hellen Keller drive?.....she was a woman.

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lcoopman
Posts: 275 - Karma: 1,842
Apr 27 2015 12:37AM

What is Helen Kellers favorite color? Black

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CheesusChrist
Posts: 159 - Karma: 345
Apr 27 2015 9:58AM

What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's better than 10 babies in 1 tree? 1 baby in 10 trees.

How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of root bear and 2 scoops of baby.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? Your erection.

How do you get 10 dead babies into a bucket? With a blender.

How do you get them out again? Tortilla chips.

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DayMan
Posts: 4702 - Karma: 8,727
Apr 27 2015 10:36AM

What's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

The wheelchair.

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steezburgereddie
Posts: 1059 - Karma: 1,944
Apr 29 2015 10:36PM

Whats the best part of 21 year olds?

There's 20 of them.

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las.
Posts: 1959 - Karma: 1,455
Apr 30 2015 1:44AM

Granite_StateHow many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.

Wrong. The answer is 10 - 1 to change it, and the other 9 to talk about how empowering it was.

How many Marxists does it take to screw in a proletariat lightbulb? None - the proletariat lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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Charlie_Kelly
Posts: 11953 - Karma: 12,296
Apr 30 2015 12:48PM

yungmoneyWhat's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies? You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.

What's better than 10 babies in 1 tree? 1 baby in 10 trees.

How do you make a dead baby float? A glass of root bear and 2 scoops of baby.

What's the hardest part about walking through a field of dead babies? Your erection.

How do you get 10 dead babies into a bucket? With a blender.

How do you get them out again? Tortilla chips.

Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon?

I dont fuck a watermelon before I eat it.

Damn all this dead baby talk gots me all hungries and shyt

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