(Yes I know NS is not the best place to turn for this) But I feel my friend is often too concerned with whomever she is dating/hooking up than the rest of the group when we're hanging out So today i told her that and now she's clearly very pissed at me. Part of this could be that I have closeted feelings for her and most of the guys she dates are somewhat "basic" (please don't crucify me), compared to me, (example; her ex boyfriend who wore almost exclusively Hollister clothing). If her latest "boy-toy" isn't there she is generally a part of the group whereas when he is there the two generally sit together and shun everyone else. So to get to the point I told her most of what you know (except for the closeted feelings) and she said "just leave me alone right now". I am afraid that my closeted feelings are skewing my perception of the situation.What should I do to reconcile?
"Fuck Chipotle Bowls man, it's a burrito" Mac DeMarco
There is no question your feelings are causing you to be extra sensitive to her focus on other guys, but I'm sure she is also not doing the best job of hiding it, but that's to be expected of a teenage girl. The worst thing you can do is resent her for that while also not sharing your feelings, since that'll break up your relationship without her knowing how you truly feel. You can either talk to her about your feelings or continue being her friend and treating her like one of the guys, but it's not healthy for either of you if you proceed with this level of tension and call her out for things that she can likely see right through. It will ruin your chances of ever making things work with her if that is your end goal.
You're at that complex stage where you need to analyze how deep you are into the friend zone and decide whether or not to act on it. I've been far in the friend zone before and shared my feelings and now we've been dating for 4 years, but we also spent much more time just the 2 of us than we did with a larger friend group, so if you always hang out with this girl and a bunch of other guys it could make things more difficult.
You're the only one who really understands the situation, and unfortunately there are a lot of variables at play. Either way you should apologize for snapping at her, and it's your decision if you want to explain why or not
"I think you have an extra chromosome lying around somewhere..."-KaDONK.
But seriously OP, I'm confused about whether you want to act on your feelings for said girl or just want her to be part of your group of friends or whatever. If it's the latter, your feelings certainly are not skewing your perception of the situation. Its not bad to want to spend time with someone who isn't in a relationship with you.
Being on the other end of things and having your girlfriend chose her friends over you sucks, especially when you need her. There might be something going on in one of their lives that you don't know about and being with the other makes them feel better. Just a bit of perspective on the issue.
"You have obviously never got drunk, grabbed both your nuts and squished them to the top of your dong, took a picture, sent it to everyone you knew and said "call 911, my penis is on upside down again".