This is an essay that I wrote for my Computer Technology class;
Dear Black Steve,
I am writing a letter for my computer tech class that is supposed to thank somebody that has greatly influenced me in my life. I think you are the person that has influenced me the most in my life. Please accept this letter as a token of my appreciation.
You are, by far, my favorite skier. You and your amateurish ways have helped me realize, that you do not in fact have to Gopro and kiss up to fans. Your mediocre film segments and slightly funny video blogs have helped me to realize what’s important in my life. It is not going pro, or being the biggest name on the mountain. You can be whoever you want. You are slightly famous and only partially sponsored and you have the most notorious name in the sport. Whenever you say “Black Steve”, everybody knows who that is. Who cares about some silly name like Tom Wallisch or James “Woodsy” Woods? They are just lousy skiers with professional sponsors and banger film segments. It does not take that level of kissing up to be who you want to be in this industry.
While you may have kissed up to Monster on more than one occasion, that is okay. Monster is essential to life, and it’s hard for a B team skier to pay for that stuff. Water is deadly. Everyone knows that. It is very important to drink Monster, and if you can’t afford it, you can die from withdrawal. I understand that. I think you are an amazing skier. Your sketchy doubles that you just barely learned, your switch lip 270’s (so last year, by the way), and your consistently okay 360’s and 540’s are just barely up to par. But I think you’re amazing because everybody wants to be you. Who wouldn’t want to not get paid to do 3’s and 5’s all day? I would love such an extraordinary opportunity. I can’t even believe how pathetically alright your web show is. It’s so incredible.
I was pretty disappointed to see that you weren’t invited to “4Bi9 goes to Alta”, but why would they invite such an amateur to ski such professional terrain? Hopefully you learn how to ski something other than green circles and park this summer up at Hood, but I doubt it. Mt Hood is filled with meth addicts and terrible people stuck in the rain. You will probably be too messed up on drugs for the whole summer to learn anything new. You will just come back to P.C. this winter and be the exact same mediocre skier that you have been since day 1. But that’s why we love you. As Denzel Washington has said, “I'm very proud to be black, but black is not all I am. That's my cultural historical background, my genetic makeup, but it's not all of who I am nor is it the basis from which I answer every question.”
Stay Black, Black Steve.