I've been seeing this a lot on ns and feel it's only worthy that I get a chance to do so, in hopes that I will feel a little better about myself. And yes, I am writing this from alias because I am too afraid to expose my real identity, even to an online community who probably has little regard for who I physically am.
(mods and admin will probably have no problem identifying who I truly am). oh yeah, inb4 "didn't read LOL" and all that bullshit, I would like people to keep in mind that I am a real person and what I'm writing in this post is how I really feel. whether or not you feel the need to sympathize for me is up to you, but a little respect isn't too much to ask for. If you really know who I am, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't share. I am still to this day really embarrassed by my current mental state (hence why I'm writing on an alias) and would appreciate that those who know would keep it confidential.
So basically I have been depressed for a half of a decade (I was in 9th grade at the time) I honestly have just been so fucking miserable beyond belief. Over and over again I have tried to escape from my problems in a "restart" sort of manner. I have tried picking up new hobbies, switching friend groups, taking breaks from drugs and alcohol, even moving to another state; and none of that has helped. I am still just as miserable as I was when I was about 5 years ago. I have simply become a cold-hearted human being and have no idea who I can trust anymore; I even feel uncomfortable around my parents. I'm not sure if I will ever find a way out. I've contemplated ending it all by just downing as many pills as I possibly could because I'm so miserable. I picked up filming and editing my friends skiing almost 2 years ago, and even now it has started to not bring me joy. It use to put me in a place of tranquility, but now all it does is get me made fun of. I'm not too sure why, but I guess even your own friends aren't down when you make videos of them FOR them. I would like to think I did an okay job at making those videos, but I guess most of em weren't down with the videos of them (which were getting on average about 6000-10000 views). I have literally done as much as I possibly could to be happy, but when I try to just smile now, it's a hassle. I really am not sure how much longer this bullshit can go on for
I honestly don't know what to do anymore... every day is becoming a fucking struggle. I'm not asking for any help through this post, I just feel the need to get a bunch of shit off my chest so that way I can sleep a little better at night. So thanks for giving me a chance to share about how I really feel, and I hope that none of you ever have to go through this feeling of misery like I have.,
Once again, don't give a fuck if you didn't read it
I would appreciate if mods and admin would not share my actual Identity. I understand my IP address is easily accessible and you guys would be able to find my actual account in a manner of seconds. All I ask is that you keep my real Identity confidential.
Lastly, thanks for letting me share how my feelings ns. I've been bottling up this bullshit for years now and to get it off my chest is wonderful.
Once again, don't care about your opinion. Yes, I would probably be defined as a trust fund kid, but believe it or not those who descend from high income families also have feelings too. I really just wanted to post this to get some shit on my chest. And as I read it now I feel like I did just that. Go ahead and delete it if you want mods. I got exactly what I want out of this post... So thanks for giving me the opporitunity to do so.