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March, 2024

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HELP!!! I think there are chemickals up my butt....

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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
Okay, a little background.

So we have this upstairs toilet. And for some reason, it gets this weird crackling in the paint, I don't even know what it is. It looks bad, like the paint is cracked, so we use this really intense toilet bowl cleaner to get it out.

So while I was sleeping this morning, my mom cleaned it with the chemickals. This shit has to sit for an hour to get them out, then you have to flush it before use. Really is some heavy stuff.

Anyway.

I woke up, still half asleep and went to take my morning poo. After the first release, I guess the bay doors were still open, and a lot, and I mean a LOT of water shot up the opening. Natural instinct is to close up, right? yeah.

Then the pain set in.

FIrst my asshole, then my rectum began burning with the intensity of a thousand suns. Feels like a fucking dragon is giving me a rimjob right now, I can't sit down on it. I'm lying on my side and typing this and IT FUCKING KILLS.

This was an hour or two ago, and the pain keeps getting worse. I had to use my cellphone to see if it was swollen, so I took a picture of me butthoal and it's really red and irritated.

I tried shooting more water up it with an ear cleaner thing but that didn't help at all. I'm afraid cause I think I have to shit again soon....

HELP
Oct 16 2011 11:04AM
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skithesprings
Posts: 9086 - Karma: 1,349
made my breakfast burrito just a little bit less enjoyable...
Oct 16 2011 1:17PM
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Craze
Posts: 1132 - Karma: 423
Threads. Just take a shit, maybe your turds will scrape the chemickals out. lol
Oct 16 2011 1:19PM
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Negro_Jesus
Posts: 1789 - Karma: 91
OMG hahahahaha you fail
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Oct 16 2011 1:20PM
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hokkanee
Posts: 1800 - Karma: 435
you probably need to head to a doctor... Gawd that'll be embarrassing
Oct 16 2011 1:20PM
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KANGAROOJACK
Posts: 361 - Karma: 59
yeah i agree with this dude, there's no good way to say it, but you should get your ass checked out.
Oct 16 2011 1:21PM
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dex.
Posts: 2973 - Karma: 62
i wouldnt go so the doctor if i were you theyre gonna shove stuff in your butt
Oct 16 2011 1:23PM
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Obi-Wan-Jenobi
Posts: 951 - Karma: 119
this may sound bad but u think your gonna need some outside help on this. As well let it be known i was reding this thread well taking a poo, and i checked for chemicals.
Oct 16 2011 1:23PM
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Dwarftosser1
Posts: 2602 - Karma: 951
This, bad time to browse NS and eat breakfast.
Oct 16 2011 1:23PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
lol'd
Oct 16 2011 1:30PM
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the.cheat
Posts: 2859 - Karma: 171
pics or it didn't happen.
Oct 16 2011 1:36PM
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Davy.Crockett
Posts: 5373 - Karma: 323
oh.my.god.
Oct 16 2011 1:36PM
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Lavieille
Posts: 814 - Karma: 318
i second this
Oct 16 2011 1:37PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
.
Oct 16 2011 1:52PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
please, god, no
Oct 16 2011 1:59PM
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PopsicleStand
Posts: 6890 - Karma: 147
Probably should go see a doctor. I am sure you are fine but I mean it would be good to know for sure.
Oct 16 2011 2:08PM
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a_pla5tic_bag
Posts: 9210 - Karma: 5,357
Now, with too butt issues threads on our hands (this and the shaving one) you'd think NS would learn it's a sensitive area.
Oct 16 2011 2:10PM
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POW-WOW
Posts: 1464 - Karma: 46
Unlike his butthole which is oozing blood and other unknown substances... this thread is oozing win!
Oct 16 2011 2:14PM
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homestar
Posts: 2124 - Karma: 4,197
Yeah it's probably a real pain in the ass...
Oct 16 2011 2:17PM
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TOK
Posts: 2928 - Karma: 2,540
hahahaha.I lost so hard, first time this picture has ever gotten me.
Oct 16 2011 2:17PM
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Mr.Gaga
Posts: 2021 - Karma: 542
Your ''chemikal'' is prbly a base, you need to neutralize it with an acid solution... just pee in your butt.
Oct 16 2011 2:25PM
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deleted2
Posts: 958 - Karma: 107
Sounds like you got a shitty situation on your hands.. lots of pun intended
Oct 16 2011 2:26PM
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holy.shep
Posts: 413 - Karma: 24
perfect thread to click on after a near perfect one wiper that i just shat
Oct 16 2011 2:42PM
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BmoChop
Posts: 2071 - Karma: 96
dude, eat a bunch of fiber one bars, should do the trick.
Oct 16 2011 2:44PM
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TonyMacaroni
Posts: 1310 - Karma: 34
you're fucked.
Oct 16 2011 2:49PM
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bo0b
Posts: 2964 - Karma: 994
Yup, that should do it.
Oct 16 2011 2:50PM
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esotericjive
Posts: 1889 - Karma: 1,445
I lol'd.
Oct 16 2011 2:53PM
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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
Midday update

It's 3:03, approx 6 hours after the incident. The burning subsided to a casual sting, but I still can't sit on it. I went to the bathroom again, that made things 100x worse, almost as much as the first time.

My girlfriend came over to drop something off, she asked why I was in so much pain....


I tried avoiding it but then it basically boiled down to me telling her or her thinking I got buttrammed last night...

...so I told her

She had a laughing fit and then insisted on checking it out for my own good


Apparently I have a purple and red butthole.
Oct 16 2011 3:05PM
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EricaMN.
Posts: 2704 - Karma: 346
yeah..................................you're fucked
Oct 16 2011 3:14PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
you got her to look at it?
Oct 16 2011 3:17PM
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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
It was her idea.
Oct 16 2011 3:18PM
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LAME.
Posts: 5795 - Karma: 2,449
This is fucked up.


Oct 16 2011 3:20PM
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Peter.
Posts: 23796 - Karma: 13,012
holy shit thank god i am reading this


chemickals
Oct 16 2011 3:22PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
lol'd even more
Oct 16 2011 3:24PM
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Newschool_Pope
Posts: 2473 - Karma: 267
threads...
Oct 16 2011 3:25PM
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bustinthejus
Posts: 2419 - Karma: 74
Keeper.
Oct 16 2011 3:30PM
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yuck
Posts: 8384 - Karma: 2,090
What you are feeling is a base burn. The toilet bowl cleaner probably has a really high pH , and therefore must be neutralized with an acid that has a really low pH. So basically, you just need to stuff your asshole with the most acidic shit you can find, battery acid, sulfuric acid, nitric acid, whatever you can get your hands on.

its gonna be a chemical showdown in your asshole today my friend.
Oct 16 2011 3:30PM
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VT_FLO
Posts: 3806 - Karma: 147
hospital retard.

Oct 16 2011 3:34PM
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WorthDaMoney
Posts: 1140 - Karma: 741
LOL

but seriously, go see a doctor.
Oct 16 2011 3:35PM
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HamFaceGirl
Posts: 5242 - Karma: 2,679
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Oct 16 2011 3:37PM
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JibbaTheHutt
Posts: 2132 - Karma: 1,597
BAHAHHAHAHA....one of the few threads i legitimately "LOL" at.....
Oct 16 2011 3:39PM
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wasatch_rat
Posts: 1771 - Karma: 2,937
at first i was like

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but then i was like

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Oct 16 2011 3:43PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
ahahahaha
Oct 16 2011 3:44PM
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-emile-
Posts: 6610 - Karma: 8,583
hahaha
Oct 16 2011 3:46PM
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aint.no.thang
Posts: 56 - Karma: 20
that happened to my friend once.......... he's dead now
Oct 16 2011 3:47PM
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Zimmerman
Posts: 6992 - Karma: 1,021
someone needs to make something about this is rage of a freeskier
Oct 16 2011 3:47PM
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The.Man
Posts: 212 - Karma: 249
Wait....


...I thought it did....


...now I feel like an idiot.

On another note, I tried putting aloe on it, that just made my ass all slippery and felt really gay. So I wiped it off, had some cooling effects though
Oct 16 2011 3:47PM
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J.M
Posts: 2854 - Karma: 254
inb4 NINJA_STEEZ.
Oct 16 2011 3:49PM
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-emile-
Posts: 6610 - Karma: 8,583
Click for larger image
Oct 16 2011 4:00PM
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JIBpsy^^
Posts: 2851 - Karma: 36
just let a big black dude plow you, you will forget all about the chemicals
Oct 16 2011 4:16PM
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WytePwrRnger007
Posts: 281 - Karma: 40
I was gonna make a gay joke,



butt fuck it.
Oct 16 2011 4:19PM
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