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PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

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Funny teacher quotes?

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Gaespar
Posts: 914 - Karma: 13
Came to think about a thread like this when our teacher in financial accounting told us.
" Salary is like womens period: it comes once a mont, lasts five days and if it does not come you're in DEEP SHIT"
Have you got any funny quotes or something from teachers?
Nov 12 2010 7:34AM
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Ski_Alot
Posts: 5884 - Karma: 3,502
Get Atta Heya, in a huge maine accent
Nov 12 2010 11:06AM
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matt.s
Posts: 2502 - Karma: 93
"ok class, so you take all the penis... i mean pieces, and put them together when you are done"
Nov 12 2010 11:08AM
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Evilchris
Posts: 2090 - Karma: 43
"Women ruin everything" This was the reacouring theme for my entire 10th grade American Lit course.
Nov 12 2010 12:20PM
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DUKES
Posts: 5149 - Karma: 686
i walk into american history, im wearing my jiberish spiral quilt tee, my bilabong jeans, and my ec biggie talls. I feel good then i walk past my professor, and hes an old tool from kentucky and he said "You know you look like a fucking gypsy" 
Nov 12 2010 12:36PM
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ski2sky.
Posts: 1800 - Karma: 897
the notorious Matt Eddy @ 11 pm in the dorm
"Get ready for the F bumb cause i'm about to drop the fucking hammer."
Nov 12 2010 12:41PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
that's hilarious. cut you right down.
Nov 12 2010 12:46PM
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ImNotARacist
Posts: 5136 - Karma: -1,032
My teacher mass emailed this to us http://tinyurl.com/2tcnbl
Nov 12 2010 1:15PM
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An10a_Eng
Posts: 2505 - Karma: 28
was failing the reoccurring theme for your spelling class?
Nov 12 2010 1:19PM
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Jib-Ninja
Posts: 2819 - Karma: 20
Mr Helsen, personal managment teacher "Excuses are like asses, everybody has them, some are just bigger than others"
Nov 12 2010 2:17PM
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bakedpow
Posts: 8770 - Karma: 10,462
Not that funny but the only one i can think of "What is the capitol of bangkok?" Get it haha?
Nov 12 2010 2:21PM
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Evilchris
Posts: 2090 - Karma: 43
spell check has ruined
Nov 12 2010 2:22PM
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Evilchris
Posts: 2090 - Karma: 43
me. I posted that in school, where I have to use Internet explorer. but yes, I suck at spelling
Nov 12 2010 2:24PM
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bistroburrito
Posts: 417 - Karma: 11
"You're essays should be like a girls skirt...Long enough to cover everything, but short enough to keep you interested" another teacher said this to a kid who always messing around in class "Wow Payton, isn't it a little early to be campaigning for the asshole of the year award. Usually candidates dont come out until April."
Nov 12 2010 2:39PM
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ryantheconnolly
Posts: 2027 - Karma: 108
back in the day we had commercials about what to do if a nuclear bomb hit. they would tell you to hide in your basement but really, no matter where you are, YOURE FUCKED
Nov 12 2010 2:50PM
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Avifarer
Posts: 5926 - Karma: 598
"don't share needles"
Nov 12 2010 2:51PM
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Mr.Crunklefruit
Posts: 30 - Karma: 8
haha my teacher came up to me in the hall and put to overhead papers together and starting moving them in circles and went "masturbation clouds the mind".
Nov 12 2010 2:56PM
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E.C.
Posts: 3211 - Karma: 319
seems like a class guy
Nov 12 2010 3:05PM
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Turner.
Posts: 1986 - Karma: 11,881
my teacher asked us to name people who have changed the world.
I said Shakespeare he put his head in his hands and said "oh god no. that man is a fraud. you really think he could have possibly known about venetian generals? how could he possibly know anything about the life of a (insert explicit synonym for black person)?"

not saying I disagree with him but it cracked me up pretty good
Nov 12 2010 3:09PM
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pomme-de-terre
Posts: 3915 - Karma: 703
"this book uses the word nigger and it has alot of significance. it helps show the futility of the african americans struggle in the early 1900's. no matter where they went or what they did they were always a nigger. stephen, how would you feel if every time you tried to speak i just yelled "NIGGER!" at you?" "well MRs. berli-" "NIGGER! NIGGER! NIGGER!
do you get how it must have felt now?" "yeah i th-" "NIGGER! NIGGER!"

and that was how we started class one day.
Nov 12 2010 3:14PM
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steep
Posts: 6063 - Karma: 297
one of my teachers talking to my friend:

friend: mr crippen, can i go to the bathroom?
teacher: well sinbad (yes he calls him sinbad lmfao) i dont know if you wanna go to the bathroom now, i mean its 930 and thats when all the neds are down there doing their creepy ned things, you might get raped if you go now, by all those neds, god damn neds why were they invented, neds. i hate em.
Nov 12 2010 3:19PM
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Nathn
Posts: 2408 - Karma: 63
My guess is half of these are fake. In English a couple years ago this black kid showed up late and the teacher says "Well hey there G unit nice of you to join us."
Nov 12 2010 3:25PM
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Vikingskier
Posts: 240 - Karma: 4
my teacher told a story how when he was a kid a guy with a knife tried to rob him and his brother in the end he said that him and his brother got bats and beat the shit out of the guy but after the whole story he said and of course he was black
Nov 12 2010 3:26PM
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AHSkier
Posts: 563 - Karma: 42

Teacher: class, what did you do this weekend

Kids:not much

Teacher: *THROWS CLIPBOARD ON THE GROUND* WELL I HAD A FUCKING MISSCARRAGE

Nov 12 2010 3:58PM
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MitchConnors
Posts: 282 - Karma: 10
why would you even post this? its not even good trolling
Nov 12 2010 4:04PM
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YukonGraham
Posts: 279 - Karma: 55
Best fail in a bit.LAWL
Nov 12 2010 4:04PM
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shea.
Posts: 1606 - Karma: 193
"fair go, fair cop, fair suck of the sausage!"
Nov 12 2010 4:09PM
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Willard
Posts: 5117 - Karma: 429
"we got jewed" my teacher actually said this the other week
Nov 12 2010 4:10PM
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Mr.Luke
Posts: 2441 - Karma: 166
"He's an angry mo-fo"
Nov 12 2010 4:11PM
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*Dos*Planker*
Posts: 2983 - Karma: 168
Ok before i write the quote i need to provide a little background information.

So there is this substitute teacher that frequents my school, he's a really smart guy and is probably in his late 60's or early 70's a very respectable guy which made what he said hilarious. So one seemingly normal day he substitutes for my government class and i guess the plan for the day was just to watch some movie. So right before he plays the movie some girl in our class asked how long it was and he said "oh about 8 inches" i cried laughing. He didn't apologize or anything just laughed a little and then played the movie.
Nov 12 2010 4:14PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
WHORE ASS MAN

and I'M GONNA RAIL YOU
Nov 12 2010 4:16PM
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Mr.Luke
Posts: 2441 - Karma: 166
"Well your gonna burn in hell"

I laughed so hard
Nov 12 2010 4:20PM
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purplejumpsuit
Posts: 2207 - Karma: 157
"he ripped his finger off and his intestines came with it all the way up his arm" Instead of tendons... not the smartest of guys. not a 100% accurate quote. but the mess up on his part is the same.
Nov 12 2010 4:33PM
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Stickity
Posts: 7750 - Karma: 769
my 11th grade american lit class is 'fuck men they're assholes'

3 guys vs 12 girls + the teacher
not fun
Nov 12 2010 4:38PM
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BMB
Posts: 3138 - Karma: 232
"The call it a Ménage à trois where I'm from, but in this movie it was more of a ménage a eight"
"You dont need a reason to party"(First year Religion prof)
Nov 12 2010 4:39PM
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ElbridgeGerry
Posts: 5902 - Karma: -27
Our coach was telling us about the running back from another school who happened to be black, and it was supposed to be really overcast, so he made a joke about not being able to see him unless he smiled. Then called him a coon, it was choice.
Nov 12 2010 4:46PM
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Username_42069
Posts: 1591 - Karma: 15
i was about to say, "hey i had a teacher who did the exact same thing!"... then i realized we had the same teacher. thats one of many quotable things from his class.
Nov 12 2010 5:12PM
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PartyHon
Posts: 2019 - Karma: 425
threads

and i had a substitute say"you all going to jail!"

and another," You fuck with me i break you knee caps"

and finally my industrial tech teacher," this is fucking bullshit" in his weird tone
Nov 12 2010 5:30PM
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Joshua.
Posts: 2957 - Karma: 6,229
Bio teacher mr leech:





"holy schnikeez"

"bing-friggin-go idiots"

"for the love of Mike..."

"kicks people in the putookas"

"all those TITS on the opossum"
Nov 12 2010 5:33PM
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chicken
Posts: 6843 - Karma: 2,122
grade 11 Social studies... "we have to stick something in the dykes hole to stop it from leaking" it was totally in a different context, but of course me being the immature kid I was (am) just burst out laughing along with a few others.

Also in grade 11 I was arguing with my math teacher about a test (fire alarm went off so we lost 20 minutes) and I got all mad and was like "this is bullshit." well he told me to go talk to the department head, and as I was leaving the room he yelled "make sure you tell her that it's bullshit". It was funny because as he yelled that, the department head was walking by and heard him, and gave him the weirdest glance.

ok after typing those I guess they are both not funny unless you were there, but whatever.


Nov 12 2010 5:36PM
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Smuffy
Posts: 4685 - Karma: 3,407
"So guys, who wants to look at wet salami today?"
my math teacher last year. and yes, we did look at pictures of wet salami.

"I like to do it both ways, and you can put it wherever you want."

same math teacher talking about some equations
Nov 12 2010 5:55PM
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103859264
Posts: 465 - Karma: 145
my math teacher last year was just really pissed because our whole class was pretty much failing.
so shes walking around, walks into a chair, says "EXCUSE ME!" moves the chair and carries on, im the only one who notices shes just said excue me to a chair, and im laughing soo harddd

she mad.
Nov 12 2010 6:05PM
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Skithedeep
Posts: 645 - Karma: 39
I had a philosphy prof talk about women drivers and how they shouldnt be able to drive or have to take a more in depth test for about a half hour one day. the same guy openly puts rum in his coffee during class. i loved that class mainly because of the prof
Nov 12 2010 6:07PM
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BITS
Posts: 1808 - Karma: 866
haha, my teacher did the same. wierddd
Nov 12 2010 6:07PM
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HenniferLopez
Posts: 1319 - Karma: 136
10th grade lit teacher "we're takin' the skin boat to tuna town!" ...loved that teacher.
Nov 12 2010 6:16PM
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CAPSLOCK*
Posts: 345 - Karma: 19
uni teacher : "I have about 3000 condoms in my office"
Nov 12 2010 6:55PM
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