The worst jokes ever thread.

So two goldfish are in a tank...

One says to the other "How do we drive this thing?"

what do you call a gay dinosaur

magasoreass

So theres two friends working in office buildings next to each other, and they can see each other through the windows.

that is far from a bad joke

A duck walks into a drug store and says 'Give me some lip stick and put it on my bill'

hahaha... that actually was very un amusing

Why does Beyonce always say "to the left to the left"

Cause women have no rights.






































:)

what do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lickalotapus.

Puns are awesome.

I couldn't think of any, but google could so...

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of ches s enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

17. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his od d diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. - ouch!

19. And finally, there was the person who sent nineteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Oh...man!

wow does it make me a bad person that this was the only one I LOL'd at?

so many good ones. KEEP IT GOIN!!!

^my face right now while reading some of the jokes

I heard this one at work the other day.

So a guy goes up to his wife and asks "Can I cum in your ear?"
And the wife says "No way! I'll go deaf"
So the guy says "Well that's funny, cause I cum in your mouth every night and you NEVER shut the fuck up!"

Why do they call the medieval times the dark ages? .... BECAUSE there are so many knights.

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?




wheres my tractor

wat.

hahaha love it
+K

a man walks into a bar
he sayas ouch

a horse walks into a bar
the man behind the bar says sorry we dont serve horses here

a man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing nothing but underwear made of saran wrap...

Just remembered one.

Why did the potato get pulled over?
Because it was spudding.

I'm pretty sure it's actually because naggers have no rights but oh well

uh oh...

why was joe a bad friend?

because he was a loaf of bread

dr. evil, i always knew you were crazy, but now i can clearly see your nuts

Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?


It runs in your genes.

g-man, *tsk tsk tsk*

I''m gunna tell you the dirtiest joke ever














A white horse fell in some mud!

my friend asked a 10 year old the other day

"what goes up but doesnt come down?"
the little kid answered "apollo 11"

haha the answer was your age but i like the ten year old answer better

Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy
marijuana, press the hash key..."

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

A fish swam into a wall... Dam

HAHA i think i just pissed myself!

two peanuts are walking down a dark alley and one is assaulted..

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. the bartender says to him "for you, no charge"

two atoms are walking down the street and all of a sudden the first atom turns to his friend and says "woah i think i just lost an electron." and the second atom replies "are you positive?"

how come you dont have a pink name then?

sorry but that's all i got

what do you call two gay guys on skates?
ROLLER AIDS!!
:)

A paraplegic Man walks into a bar......

Change your fucking icon.

Why did Jesus stop playing hockey?

ima going to use tht one day

knock knock

What do you get if you break the jaw of a dead baby?

-Deepthroat

If that was a real thing i'd be gutted, my hash key is broken :(

What's the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline?
When you jump on a trampoline, you take your boots off.

:)

apollo 11 landed on the moon. And came back down
apollo 13 had problems but still came down

maybe the space shuttle challenger....