Chuck Norris was once hit by a bus.... there were no survivors except Chuck Norris.
A picture is worth 1000 words, a Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
The first law of thermodynamics states that matter can neither be created or destroyed.... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Guns dont kill people... Chuck Norris kills people.
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon... they are actually Chuck Norris' fecal matter.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make Chuck Norris smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
It is believed that dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor... this is true if you want to call Chuck Norris a giant meteor.
When the boogyman goes to sleep ever night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he knocks over 1 and the other 9 faint.
There are no such things as tornadoes... Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Contrary to common belief, the titanic didn't hit an ice burgh... it went off coarse and hit Chuck Norris while he was doing back strokes across the atlantic.
The opening scene of "saving private ryan" was loosly based on games of dodge-ball Chuck Norris played in 2nd grade.
Some people where superman pajamas, Superman wheres Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris' credit cards have no limits... last weekend, he maxed them out.
Some people ask for a kleenex when they sneeze... Chuck Norris asks for a body bag.
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls "everything around you"
There is no theory of evolution.... Just a list of species Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream, he is too busying giving everyone else nightmares.
Chuck Norris uses a night light, Not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of him.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of pi.
Chuck Norris doesnt play god, god plays Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are not alone in the universe... we weren't before his first space expedition.
Chuck Norris once sued burger king for refusing to put razor wire in his whopper, insisting that it actually was his way.
Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child, his bed wet itself out of fear.
Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming comp in the 2008 Beijing olympics... this is because when he enters water it simply gets out of his way and he walks across the pool floor.
Outer space exists because it was affraid to live on the same planet as Chuck Norris.