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random woman jokes

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skiman523
Posts: 572 - Karma: 10
Q.what do you so when your dishwaher breaks

A.kick her in the ass and tell her to get back to work



Q.Why cant woman drive

A.Because there is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen



Q.How many woman does it take to screw in a light bulb.

A.none, let the bitch work in the Dark


Q. why should woman alway know the time

A. theres a clock on the stove


skiman523
Mar 17 2004 2:54PM
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Ahmets_Brother
Posts: 20283 - Karma: 5,931
so fuckin funny!!!!!

dont go to new york. all it has to offer is i love ny stickers
May 13 2004 3:49PM
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Ahmets_Brother
Posts: 20283 - Karma: 5,931
parkin...those jokes wree gay. you cant diss men so shut the hell up

dont go to new york. all it has to offer is i love ny stickers
May 13 2004 3:51PM
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scratch720
Posts: 305 - Karma: 26
that joke about the jews in the car affended me.
I had a uncle who died in a consentration camp..........Ya he fell off the watch tower.
May 13 2004 5:23PM
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davidh
Posts: 4219 - Karma: 8
I think parkin is a chick pretending to be a guy. He and irishdrink should hook up




'kind of like semen covered breasts???'
-lateralis regarding two small hills covered in snow.
May 13 2004 5:32PM
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hucker22
Posts: 6176 - Karma: 23
if 4 mexicans are in a car who is driving?
the police
_______________

me gusta cabeza
May 13 2004 5:35PM
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Girays_Brother
Posts: 13973 - Karma: 1,635
parkin is a fucking moron



i pee on ur face but i dont care..
i take off ur little sisters underwear
shes only three so shes never seen a wee wee
so i told her it was a lollypop and the flavor was salty.
shoved in her mouth, it punctured through her cheek broke the glasses of that three year old geek.
r. kelly did the same but im not about to give him the blame cuz fucking littles girls is just my game
May 13 2004 6:39PM
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Frenchy88
Posts: 576 - Karma: 184
A couple michael jackson jokes

Why did michael jackson call boyz to men?


He thought it was a delivery service



Why did michael jackson check into the drug clinic?




Because he has a 14 year old crack problem


How is michael jackson like wall mart?


They both have boys pants half-off

.................... AK represent
May 13 2004 9:43PM
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Parkin
Posts: 99 - Karma: 10
hey hey! Chill out! Im a girl just throwing out a little twist of thought.... Not all jokes have to be directed at women. You boys are just getting a bit too aggro.
May 14 2004 10:29AM
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davidh
Posts: 4219 - Karma: 8
you shouldnt point out our flaws without making a seperate post about it titled 'random guy jokes'. Then, we can all laugh at ourselves.




'kind of like semen covered breasts???'
-lateralis regarding two small hills covered in snow.
May 14 2004 5:18PM
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skimack
Posts: 2458 - Karma: 33


----------------------------------------------------
'Don't let academics get in the way of your education' (My coach)

'I'm in his nigger crew' (my little brother in response to my statement that he was in my 'digger crew')

'My knee hurts' (Jeff Merat after grinding a lunch table for an hour instead of sitting in the ski patrol shack for his torm mcl and acl which he got earlier that day.)

'I'm not asking for any help, just mabe for you to get off your ass.'(my dad)
May 14 2004 6:22PM
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skimack
Posts: 2458 - Karma: 33
my bad, wrong order



----------------------------------------------------
'Don't let academics get in the way of your education' (My coach)

'I'm in his nigger crew' (my little brother in response to my statement that he was in my 'digger crew')

'My knee hurts' (Jeff Merat after grinding a lunch table for an hour instead of sitting in the ski patrol shack for his torm mcl and acl which he got earlier that day.)

'I'm not asking for any help, just mabe for you to get off your ass.'(my dad)
May 14 2004 6:23PM
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Frenchy88
Posts: 576 - Karma: 184
dont take this offensively girls its just a joke









.......... AK REPRESENT




Jun 9 2004 12:03AM
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skiingpimp
Posts: 1176 - Karma: 31
Wanna here joke












Women's Rights
Don't take life to serious, you will never get out alive.
-Van Wilder-

Suck my Dick!
-Ron Jeremy-
Jun 9 2004 2:07AM
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Hef
Posts: 852 - Karma: 12
stop rape, say YES

------------------------------------------------------------

Pain heals...Chicks dig scars...Glory lasts forever
Jun 9 2004 5:40AM
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asac
Posts: 12485 - Karma: 17
Why do women have boobs.

-So you got something to look at while you're talking to them.
(women that just heard joke stars in disbelief)
-So you got something to look at while you're talking to them.
(still staring in disbelief and disgust)
-So you got something ----Cut to next scene----

--Peter Griffin telling a joke to a female coworker at the toy factory





---------------------
Good Fun With A Hand Gun.

skierdudeguy: theres an ilovemen.com? damn. see you guys later
---
hoodratz47: sweet your now black....
Jun 9 2004 5:49AM
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SkiUnit03
Posts: 3597 - Karma: 114
these are racist, but sadly funny


what do you call a bunch of mexicans sky diving?

air pollution.




out of the theres a white kid, a chinese kid, and a black kid all in 4th grade, who has a bigger cock?


the black kid, hes 16







Homestar!
Jun 9 2004 2:44PM
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KillerMonkey
Posts: 6435 - Karma: 108
Why did helen keller go crazy?
She was trying to read a stucco wall.

Whats more fun than swinging a baby on a clothes line?
Stopping it with a shovel

Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby?
About 30mins in the oven.




JIBARITO
(its actually a restaurant in Peurto Rico)

Guitaring for life

Jun 9 2004 3:43PM
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freeze_and_burn
Posts: 462 - Karma: 11
guys u get off ur couches and do some god damn cleaning hahaha! now that i would like to see!
»-(¯`v´¯)-»PëT®ø HoTt�ë«-(¯`v´¯)-«
Jun 9 2004 4:09PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
Whats the difference between a dead baby and a watermellon?

Ones fun to hit with a sledge hammer... the others a watermellon.

-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
theres an ilovemen.com? damn. see you guys later -skierdudeguy
Jun 9 2004 4:28PM
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freeze_and_burn
Posts: 462 - Karma: 11
ooo baby jokes! LMAO
»-(¯`v´¯)-»PëT®ø HoTt�ë«-(¯`v´¯)-«
Jun 9 2004 5:13PM
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MoNtY
Posts: 13 - Karma: 10
Q: Whats the difference betweeen a pile of dead babies and a trampoline?


A: You take your shoes off when you jump on the trampoline.
Jun 9 2004 9:17PM
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ilovehead
Posts: 586 - Karma: 6
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.

What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby sitting beside a kid with down syndrome.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
Can't fuck a rock

What's the difference between a dead baby and a bagel.
You can put a bagel in the toaster, you have to put the dead baby in an oven.

How do you make a baby float?
Take your foot off it's head.

How do you get a baby to run faster?
Chase it with a lawnmower.

What do you get when you dislocate a baby's jaw?
Deep throat.

What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
You don't cry when you chop up a dead baby.

What's more disgusting than 100 dead babys?
99 dead babys with one eating it's way out of the middle.


Jun 9 2004 9:52PM
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Ski-hobo
Posts: 7121 - Karma: 15
Why dont you hit a Mexican on a bike when your in your car?

Cause it might be your bike.

Why dont you hit a black guy on a bike when your in your car?

Cause it may be your black guy
Jun 9 2004 10:01PM
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ilovehead
Posts: 586 - Karma: 6
Why do they put cotton on top of the pills in pill bottles?

To remind black people they were cotton pickers before drug dealers
Jun 9 2004 10:03PM
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lanks
Posts: 12543 - Karma: 72
SERIOUSLY GUYS, stop with the black jokes. i happen to have a black man in my family tree.













he's been hanging there for 3 years!

'If Jesus were here, he would command you: stop being and idiot.' -EastCoastPride
'There should be an International ''Slash Your Neighbors SUV Tires'' Day' -con_cept
Jun 9 2004 10:14PM
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Apple
Posts: 7906 - Karma: 33
^ahahahha that was great!

-Thom Savery
please pardon the cacography
--->CCR*
theres an ilovemen.com? damn. see you guys later -skierdudeguy
Jun 9 2004 10:15PM
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five0
Posts: 11466 - Karma: 36
alabama windchime?
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

'You can't argue with idiots, they drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.'

'so basically i lost my penis trying to have sex with my cat' Misty7

I like my eggs like i like my runs,poached

'Who's not 18 yet? What? LA LA LA LA LA LA! I can't hear you.'~Jay aka rebel

'five0 is a crazy sexy nutcracker motherfucker'~Everyone
Jun 9 2004 10:25PM
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lanks
Posts: 12543 - Karma: 72
so anyways, why can women only turn left? because they have no rights!



'If Jesus were here, he would command you: stop being and idiot.' -EastCoastPride
'There should be an International ''Slash Your Neighbors SUV Tires'' Day' -con_cept
Jun 9 2004 11:10PM
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skiman523
Posts: 572 - Karma: 10
found this wicked funny thred from 2 years ago
Nov 8 2005 10:28PM
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klimp
Posts: 933 - Karma: 18
this has probably been posted but....
why couldnt helen keller drive?


because she's a woman
Nov 8 2005 10:33PM
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Nadia.
Posts: 1124 - Karma: 1,104
Why did the woman cross the road?

Who care's, what the fuck was she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?
Nov 8 2005 10:35PM
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timmi
Posts: 12874 - Karma: 3,460
how many babies does it take to paint a wall? depends how hard you throw them.

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
nothing, youve already told her twice

how do you get 10 babies in a bucket?
with a blender
how do you get them out?
with tostitoes
Nov 8 2005 10:35PM
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kickerlicker
Posts: 820 - Karma: 11
What is the difference between a womans vagina and butthole

you can stick your dig further into a vagina
Nov 8 2005 11:19PM
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downhiller52
Posts: 722 - Karma: 11
why did the mexican girl get pregnate?

her teacher told her to do a essay!


haw do you make a 5 year old cry?

whipe your bloody cock all over her teady bear!
Nov 8 2005 11:28PM
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downhiller52
Posts: 722 - Karma: 11
i know that was bad!
Nov 8 2005 11:29PM
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back_woods
Posts: 1579 - Karma: 10
a mexican, an italian, and an irish guy are in a car, whos driving?
The police

if your dogs barking at the back door to be let in, and your wifes at the front with her hands full of groceries, who do you let in first?
Your dog, at least it shuts up once its in the house

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be open when she brings it to you
Nov 8 2005 11:46PM
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Timmy_G
Posts: 3735 - Karma: 15
hahaha
Nov 9 2005 12:03AM
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lawless
Posts: 298 - Karma: 10
what do you call a 21 year old woman that hates sex?

a rape victom.......
Nov 9 2005 3:27AM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13046 - Karma: 18,292
Whats the diffrence between a bowling ball and a women?
You can put three fingers in a bowling ball.
Nov 9 2005 10:07AM
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freestyler540
Posts: 13046 - Karma: 18,292
come on guys keep this alive
Nov 9 2005 11:41AM
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sunvalleyskibum
Posts: 1223 - Karma: 11
how do hellen keller's parents punish her?


leave the plunger in the toilet
Nov 9 2005 8:24PM
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freeskisquaw
Posts: 1120 - Karma: 16
How come Hellen Keller can't drive?





Cause she's a woman.
Nov 9 2005 8:49PM
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jimmychung
Posts: 6857 - Karma: 25
how do you turn your dishwasher into a snowblower?

give the bitch a shovel

note to feminists: not my joke, from a friend of mine, don't yell at me.
Nov 9 2005 10:06PM
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jimmychung
Posts: 6857 - Karma: 25
i just thought of another one, i don't know if it's already been listed, it's a longer one:

a plane is crashing, and everyone starts to panic. one woman stands up and yells "we're all going to die! i'm going to die without anyone ever making me feel like a REAL woman, is there anyone who can make me feel like a REAL woman before we all die?!" and everyone stares at her and no one says anything. finally a voice from the back says "i can make you feel like a woman" and the man stands up and starts walking towards her. he's tall, dark, and handsome, and makes her feel weak as he unbuttons his shirt walking towards her. as the woman is shaking in anticipation, he takes off his shirt and holds it out to her, and says "iron this"
Nov 9 2005 10:13PM
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jenski*
Posts: 540 - Karma: 12
thats not even funny thats just sick
Nov 9 2005 10:14PM
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BioEnhanced
Posts: 552 - Karma: 11
A lot of these are not okay. The jews fitting in the car, the Ethiopean, and Holy Shit. (which ill admit i did laugh at)Racist jokes offend me because it brings to mind things like the stuff in American History X. I wish people would stop being so mean to each other. Im not a pacifist or anything, I just think its cowardly to crack jokes about Blacks, when you know that retaliation is impossible. Its little things like that that cause the demeaning of African americans and other minorites as people, and make them seem like objects, which is one step closer to violence. Its easiest to attack a person, when in your mind they aren't a person.
Nov 9 2005 10:26PM
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meggers
Posts: 2094 - Karma: 70
whats the national anthem of mexico?
row row row your boat

what do u get when you cross ragidy anne and the pilsbury dough boy?
a pissed off red head with a yeast infection

Why are hangovers better than men?
Hangovers will go away.

Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
So men can tell if they are coming or going.

How do you confuse a man?
You don't have to - they're born that way
Nov 9 2005 10:29PM
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BioEnhanced
Posts: 552 - Karma: 11
Whats similar between Michael Jackson and Santa Claus.

They both leave little boys homes with empty sacks.
Nov 9 2005 10:31PM
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sniper_6
Posts: 1919 - Karma: 1,573
why is helen kellers bellie button so big?


because her boyfriend is blind too!
Nov 9 2005 10:37PM
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BobYohan
Posts: 3001 - Karma: 375
EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE JOKE ALERT

Q: How do you kill 50 flies?

A: Slap an ethiopian kid in the face

that was rascist and unnecessary. im so sorry.
Nov 9 2005 10:51PM
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