Red Bull Unrailistic | LIVE Broadcast

Member of the Month

PartyBullshiit
March, 2024

Online

Welcome to the Newschoolers forums! You may read the forums as a guest, however you must be a registered member to post. Register to become a member today!

Thesis Statement help?

profile picture
A.Eberhard
Posts: 4426 - Karma: 415
hey newschoolers,
I have to write an essay on mercy for the play The Merchant of Venice.
Does this thesis statement good? I really have to get a good mark for this essay and just wanted some feedback.
"When a person is in a a higher position they tend to show mercy or none at all"
Nov 2 2009 5:09PM
0 0
profile picture
Dr.NS
Posts: 640 - Karma: 19
that makes no sense at all

you cant say they show mercy or none at all

maybe they either show LOTS of mercy or none at all, but either way, its still hard to argue both ways like that you know?

id suggest arguing a lack of mercy, namely towards shylock obviously, and saying that those in power tend to have little to no mercy to those below them.


Nov 2 2009 5:12PM
0 0
profile picture
idontactuallyski
Posts: 1320 - Karma: 19
"they tend to show mercy or none at all" is like saying, "the sky is either blue or it isn't"
Nov 2 2009 5:13PM
0 0
profile picture
NW_Rider
Posts: 2580 - Karma: 314
If that is your argument, then I would remove the word "tend" and just focus on all the reasons why they "do."  It should help you create a stronger argument through out the paper. This is assuming you are trying to convince the reader then they can make their own deductions about if it is "tends to" or "does" later. I do not know anything about the actual material you are using for this argument though, so I could be wrong.
Nov 2 2009 5:13PM
0 0
profile picture
soulskier
Posts: 17805 - Karma: 3,821
try
when a person is put in a position of power, they tend to show a lot of mercy, or none at all.
Nov 2 2009 5:14PM
0 0
profile picture
A.Eberhard
Posts: 4426 - Karma: 415
Well thanks guys I felt it was to broad.
Yeah I think arguing a lack of mercy has many more proofs.
Nov 2 2009 5:14PM
0 0
profile picture
A.Eberhard
Posts: 4426 - Karma: 415
Thanks for all the feedback! I understand how to write thesis statement's now. +K to everyone

Nov 2 2009 5:40PM
0 0
profile picture
AlexGaynor
Posts: 947 - Karma: 148
if your last name is eberhard, I feel sorry for you, yet i am jelous at the same time.
Nov 2 2009 5:55PM
0 0
profile picture
hey-dude-its-me
Posts: 4238 - Karma: 412
hahahah
Nov 2 2009 5:57PM
0 0
profile picture
Scott27~
Posts: 12 - Karma: 10
I hope this is a joke ahahahahaha~
Nov 2 2009 6:06PM
0 0
profile picture
ReetsAdeets
Posts: 1531 - Karma: 611
Dont make it sound like your opinion. make it sound like a straight up fact.

ex. People in high power show very little mercy to their subjects. for example....
Nov 2 2009 6:20PM
0 0
profile picture
dbstar
Posts: 2038 - Karma: 20
In Shakespeare's "The Merchant of Venice", it becomes evident that people in positions of social prestige do not show mercy to those whom they view as subordinate.
Nov 2 2009 6:34PM
0 0
profile picture
anxju
Posts: 9371 - Karma: 61
honestly to be brutal its crap. it makes no sense at all, its poorly stated, and i have no idea what youre writing about. refer to the merchant of venice, and make it grammatically correct while succinct
Nov 2 2009 6:37PM
0 0
profile picture
amo
Posts: 6709 - Karma: 1,248
This is how you get to a good analytical thesis:

1. Ask a good question
* Why is the author doing this?
* Why is this character here?
* Why do these characters disagree?
* Why is the narration like this?
* Why is there so much _____ in this story?
OR

Notice things
* Repetition: words, things, types
* Word choice
* Character's actions, style, relationships
* Things
* Setting
* Sound, tone
* How you feel when you're reading

THEN

2. Brainstorm
* Write down all of the details (yes, quotations!) that fit your observations or your question.

THEN

3. Take a stand!
* Answer your question or identify a pattern
* You may feel uncertain... this is a good thing! It means that your thesis is not obvious

THEN

4. Write your thesis in one clear sentence

How to test your thesis (is it analytical? is it good?)

* Can you imagine a reasonable person who has read the text saying, "I disagree"? (you want them to be able to disagree)
* Can you inderline the part of the thesis that requires proof?
* Is the thesis taking sides in an argument?
* If the thesis is in the middle, is it highlighting the complexity of the argument?
* Can you prove the thesis?
* Does it matter? (is there a "so what"?) [I often run into this problem while writing]
* Can anyone who reads the text see your argument just from hearing your thesis? (too simple or observational)

Example of good and bad thesis statements:

GOOD (analytical):
* Sherman Alexie uses the motif of food to demonstrate and explore the struggle between love and hate that many of his characters experience.

* Gish Jen uses the differing attitudes of the mother and the father to show that the struggle between old and new is not limited to a generational divide.

* The narrative style of Omelas creates a discomfort in the reader that LeGuin hopes will mirror her own discomfort with the gap between privilege and oppression.

* In Walker's Everyday Use, the mother's inner ambivalence is more painful than the outer struggle between her two daughters.

BAD (non-analytical):
* Sherman Alexie uses food as an important motif.

* In Gish Jen's story, The American Society, the mother and father have differing views about the struggle between old versus new.

* The narrator in LeGuin's Omelas creates a sense of discomfort in the reader.

* In Walker's Everyday Use, the mother is ambivalent as to which of her daughters should keep the family quilts.
Nov 2 2009 6:38PM
0 0
profile picture
Aenigma
Posts: 11256 - Karma: 424
^Yes. A thesis should focus on something more abstract and/or paradoxical in the text. If you can write a good thesis, the rest of the paper will come easily and be much stronger than trying to force something vague to work--that will inevitably lead to a paper that is not worth your time or your instructor's. Think of how certain elements function in the text, and how seemingly unconventional things are juxtaposed. That is where the reader and writer's interest lies, and it is how you can come to a better understanding of what you are writing about, and engage your audience.
Nov 2 2009 6:48PM
0 0
All times are Eastern (-4)