Matt Harvey was sitting at work, bored and stoned out of his mind. His girlfriend had just left him, his mother died, and strange nine-legged insects were building a colony in his afro. Even worse, his skiing website was pathetic; to put it nicely…. It sucked.
And so on that day, Matt Harvey decided to change his life around. He started smoking and drinking, and then designed a new layout for the website. It was called newschoolers.com, and it sucked even worse than the old website. However, it had the peculiar quality of attracting bored skiers who surfed the Net all day with nothing better to do.
The site was nothing much at first, merely a small collection of random pictures and videos. It had a navy blue background and a very basic site layout. But Matt’s “community” idea worked; ever increasing numbers of newschoolers started logging on to post in the forum and add pictures or videos. A snowball effect was in the works, as each new NS.com member told his friends about the site… new members were joining every day. In addition, dirty old men who couldn’t spell would search for “pronography” and would be directed to the site; one of them, Andy Lempke, eventually join the site.
Things were going so well that Harvey decided he needed help running the site, so he pressed into service Matt Schwagler and Kevin Cook as his personal online whores. They did all the dirty work for the site, while Harvey reaped the profits. In truth, he was losing a lot of money to keep the site running, so he began selling NS.com hoodies to cover the deficit. The hoodies were a big hit, providing some money for Harvey, free advertisement for the site, and warm, stylish clothing for dedicated members. The hoodies eventually opened up more opportunities for a site store.
The Forum is where things have always been happening in the site, whether it be pot-smoking, pronography, alien abductions, or calling pros. Darryl Hunt quickly became the champion, outposting everyone. But it was not long until he met his match… an unkempt, dirty Quebecois named Cédric Tremblay-Fornier. Cédric quickly began posting like the end of the world was in sight, and soon both were closing in 1000 posts.
But I’m jumping ahead of myself- many important things happened before that first thousandth post was reached. It was a warm spring day in 2001, and the two famous forum patrons, quebecfreestyler and mike_hunt10, were the only ones on the site. However, the online window said that there were three members online, instead of only two. Cédric and Darryl discussed this phenomenon, and decided that some sort of extraterrestrial being was present on the site. They named him the Online Alien…. And history was made.
Soon after, the Alien made his presence known. Login errors started happening, members would disappear for months at a time then come back with no memory. Bitchassphatz became pink, and pebbles became multi-colored (this occurrence was recently proved to be Harvey’s doing, in a moment of intimacy). Posts disappeared or their content was deleted. Then, Schwags was abducted and anally probed. Cédric knew that something must be done, so he set out on a two-month alien hunt to find and kill the alien. He took with him a variety of weapons, but soon found that only a plastic spoon could injure the alien. After a herculean struggle, the Alien escaped, badly wounded, and Harvey recoded the site to ensure that the menace could never return again. The alien debacle ends in a question- Who was the Alien, and where did he go? There have several reoccurences, but most have been proved to be fake: the InternetMartian, Online_Alien, ALEINIMBACKFROMHELL, and others I can’t remember. The major consequence of the Alien incident? Now, every NS.com member carries a spoon with them at all times… just in case.
Anyway, in the meantime the Skiers’ Stock Exchange was taking off… but that got old quickly, after Nik used bribery, trickery and his evil genius mind to earn thousands of dollars. Soon the SSE was gone, supposedly to be cleansed of its numerous glitches… but it has yet to return.
None of this is in chronological order…. Sorry.
LineSkiEastCoast (Andy Lempke) and Bryan Gallant decided to call up Evan Raps, CR Johnson, Tanner Hall, and Skogen Sprang. Then they hung up on them. Then they called back to apologize, and talked to Shane Anderson for a while. Then everyone on the forum made wicked fun of them for their childish act. Andy has continually denied his involvement, as Bryan was the one who actually made the call….. but we all know it was you who bragged about it Andy. :)
I’m too lazy to finish this up, so this will be the first installment of the History of NS.com. To silence your protests, here are some marvelous quotes from your fellow newschoolers.
“Act your age and not your shoe size, fight back with intillect,
not only does it make the person
you are arguing with look like a moron, you also win.” -Ozskier.com
“tim are we having some issues you want to talk about?
I mean wanting to change your sex is cool and all,
but it's just not, uuhhh cool.” - rebel
“well, it is because yellow girls are pink, most of the time...” -quebecfreestyler
“im concidering getting a boob job just so i can play with them” -cypress1080
“you could have a bowling ball fall on your nuts from a 2 story building and not feel a thing” -Midwest Jibber
“WOOOOOO!!!! Matt's Gone! Everybody Get Naked! Party!!!!” -yellowsnow4u
“I'm naked and I dont see anyone else naked ...” -quebecfreestyler
“hehe, I'll beat it sooner or later, don't u worry” -phattTim
“No, it cant be, I slept with Nick Mercon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” -quebecfreestyler
“When I went to the Tramp. contest an 8 foot guy with a beard opened the door and I was afraid that I'd wake up with a cock in my ass” –Marc aka resnick 13
“what happened to getting naked?” -a dissapointed nipe
-Quazbotch “i did a like 25foot pvc rail at Kamiskotia last season going like mach 10...” -yeti
'If there's a nipple, download it, then delete it.' - Matt Harvey
