So I was over at some dude's house for this party (I knew him indirectly), it was sort of a shitty house but pretty big too and there were tons of people, probably like 70 or so at the peak. I got there around 10 and started drinking, I had brought a sixer of Papst and used it to get warmed up. Played beer pong with the last couple of cans and got a bit of a dynasty going with some british dude, we were raping so bad that I started to lose my buzz. Luckily we lost eventually and then I went out into the basement and found a rat trap and occupied myself by throwing jack-in-the-box condiment tubs into it. Some dude came down though and yelled something about cleaning it up so I got the fuck out of there by the side door and came back in through the front.
I noticed that there were a bunch of people in the kitchen doing jello shots, so I opened up the fridge and what should I see but row upon row of jello shots, all different colors. I grabbed a bunch of red ones and proceeded to slurp them down. A guy standing there informed me that the red ones were the strongest and what I was doing might not be such a good idea. I laughed in his face. And as questionable as my judgment might have been at the time, this reaction got a group of girls in the corner to start giggling. I suppose they must have been impressed by the volume of my drinking and my rugged bum-like appearance, which seems to have a polarizing effect on the fairer sex. One in particular caught my eye- she looked really fit and athletic, and she had the kind of hair that really gets me going (hard to give it justice in words but shoulder-length, dark brown, sort of wavy, etc) and freckles, another favorite thing of mine. I noticed she had been looking at some photoshopped 'tintin' comics on the fridge (comics I used to read a lot when I was a kid, anyone else? They were totally sweet), and I went over and asked her if she read those comics as a kid. Turns out she had, and we also shared a lot of other literary interests. Knowing I had my foot in the door after a few minutes conversation, I wandered off to talk to some other people.
The waiting game is one of my specialties. I've found that if you encounter a girl at a party who is even a little interested after talking to you, the best approach is a 'hands-off' one, returning at opportune moments to re-assess the situation. I did this, wandering off to mingle, getting more drunk, and when I judged the time was right (probably about 12:30, people were starting to leave), I engaged her in some more flirting, and eventually suggested we go upstairs and find a bed. She, being drunk (though not as much as me) and having been thoroughly primed for this moment by me throughout the night, agreed, apparently without much thought. I could scarcely believe my good fortune- this girl was HOT, my friends, and hooking up at parties is not something I do very often. At this point, though, I was shit-faced drunk and ready to throw caution and morality to the winds.
We fell into the first bed we saw through an open door and we got right into some kissing and feeling each other up. She was intense from the beginning, pushing up against me, biting my neck, stuff like that... I had to step up my game because as you will remember I was shit-faced drunk and usually in that state my movements are lethargic and I can at best manage soft wood, but as I pulled up her shirt and bra and started sucking and nibbling on her (erect) nipples, my dick was rock hard. She took off my shirt as I unbuttoned her pants and started rubbing her crotch, noticing that she was already fully wet and ready to go. As I pulled down her panties, it was then that my mom got scared and said "you're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air". I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'FRESH' and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought "naw forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby "yo homes smell ya later". I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there- to settle my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.
"Good luck on your poon quest"
- A bum